Forbidden
by juliakri
Summary: The dark times are at their height, and increases with a steady course. The massacre of mudbloods and Hogwarts students increases as well. Draco Malfoy will be placed in front of the biggest choice in his life: getting the Dark Mark. Is there anything that can keep him away from his pre chosen destiny, or will he walk into his father's footsteps as he is supposed to?
1. Chapter 1

**Warning:** This story contains bad language. It also contains descriptions of sexual scenes, which is not everyones cup of tea. You may want to skip those parts.

* * *

**Forbidden**

**XxX**

**Chapter 1**

_Sunday morning_

07:30 am _Draco_

'' Draco.''

Draco turned his head to the right. In front of him stood a tall person, with black clothes covering his body. He had long, straight, blonde hair, which lined up his face gracefully. It made his face characteristics even more pointed out. His gray and cold eyes were buried in Draco's, and so were Draco's in his.

Lucius Malfoy.

Draco already sensed what he would ask him. For Lucius, there were no other conversations existing for the moment. Draco gave him a last determinate look, as he turned his head forward to the black, Gothic iron table again. He picked up his mother's porcelain tea cup, as he sipped some of her gorgeous tea. Carefully, not to burn his handsome lips. He needed them for later occasions. The heat ran down his throat, as he tried his best to ignore his father's staring. He put the teacup back down, just sitting silently with his upper body bend forward. His hands held together, folded in one grip. With a silent, determinate voice, he said the word he has said for two days now.

'' No.''

**XxX**

08:30 am _Hermione_

'' Look. If you don't like him, just tell him off, Mione. You can handle that.'', Ron Weasley said as he was cheerfully chewing on a toast. Hermione, on the other hand, seemed to slow down her chewing for every minute passing. She gave Ron an empty look as a reply, fingering her napkin with slow movements. Ron ignored her unhappy look, quickly putting some strawberry jam on his second toast.

'' It's not the worlds end, Mione! I am sure Blaise will understand.'', he said, folding his toast together.

Hermione sighed, laying her head carefully down on her ''already ready to catch it''- hand. Her cheek got squashed, and so with her right eye. Harry clapped her encouragely on her shoulder, but it didn't seem to help her. Right now, the only thing that maybe would help, were some butterbeers. Three. Maybe four. But because of her duty as a Head Girl, she needed to stay away from such things. At least until the parties and celebrations.

Ron had now eaten up his second toast, licking off the jam glued to his fingers. Ginny rolled her eyes into her juice, giving him a hint of disgust. She released the spoon into her porridge, crossing her arms in front of her. Now she began studying Hermione's tired and sad appearance from up to down. '' Somehow, I still don't see the problem. You wanted to find a boyfriend this year, Hermione. And here you go!''

Harry sighed at Ginny. '' Well, Hermione didn't expect it to be Blaise. It will get intense inside the head's common room, you know?'' Ron released a chuckle. Hermione sent Harry a dangerous look. He shrugged his shoulders as an apologize.

'' Harry, can you please send over the bacon? And the eggs? Thank you.'', Ron requested.

Hermione watched Ron's appetite, as her slowly faded more and more. She didn't even think of taking one more bite from that toast. It made her seriously sick just looking at it. She put the napkin she was fingering over the toast, and squeezed it all together into a ball. With this, she finished her breakfast. Ron stopped chewing his egg, as he severely eyed Hermione with his crystal blue eyes. '' Mione. Seriously. If you don't like him, then tell him to stop. And by the way, it was _just _a kiss! Relax! Nothing serious, and nothing that makes it too late.''

Harry and Ginny nodded, approving Ron's last sentence. Hermione's eyes fell down to the table, uninterested in any of their saying. She knew very well that it wasn't too late. It was just she didn't know what exactly to say. When she was in relationship with Krum, it was quite obvious what to say. But here it was either a friendship, or relationship. What should one say in situations like this?

Ron seemed having the wish to continue his lecture, in between his juice drinking. '' If you don't-''

**XxX**

Draco raised from the black leather armchair. The echo of his steps filled the common room, as he walkedto the kitchen with his empty teacup. He placed it in the sink, as he gently washed it. His fingers moved softly over the golden spirals covering it up. He let the water run, as he leaned on the sink. His eyes got closed in a concentration of mind.

Two days have passed since he was taken away from Hogwarts. He remembered how he entered Severus Snape's office to talk about something important. As he opened up the door, he soon noticed Snape to stand right in front of him. Before he was able to form a word, Snape had taken his hand. Draco felt as he was sucked into the floor for a couple of seconds. As soon as his feet got released, he noticed himself to be in an another place than the office. Around him, it was all dark, except some red ceremonial lights on the floor, which lit up the black paths under him. By the atmosphere, Draco soon understood he was in the presence of Voldemort. After all, he already filled eighteen, and Voldemort expected him. Draco's father talked to him about it for a long time ago. About the day he would face his future. That was just one more step in his life he would have to take, without resistance or opposicion.

Draco remembered how he raised his head, looking straightly over on three thrones. Voldemort's pale face in the middle, with two on each side of him. The one on the left side seemed to be his father, but the other one he wasn't sure. They were both masked, and he would probably not be able to recognize his father if it wasn't for his long hair. Voldemort gave him a smirk, as he petted his wand. The tensiin that hung over them gave Draco goosebumps all over his body, followed by an icing down his spine.

After some minutes of silence, Voldemort asked him some questions of formality. Draco kept his eyes steady on Voldemort, replying as smoothly as he was able to. Even thought there were a lot of new things around to get used to, Draco knew looking around would be to show curiosity. And that was a form for weakness, which wouldn't be accepted here. The answers seemed to please Voldemort. He turned around to Draco's father, giving him a short nod. Draco couldn't decipher his fathers expression because of the mask covering up his face, but the next second he started walking towards Draco. Draco stood still, with his bones solidified. Lucius reached out for Draco's arm, and Draco gave it without protesting. He expected the worst, and therefore closed his eyes lightly. But the next second he was located inside the Malfoy Manor, in pure safety.

Lucius told him to sit down on the chair inside his study. Soon Draco was told every of the details. Thanks to Voldemort's respect for Lucius, he gave Draco five days to think well through the probably biggest decision in his life. Getting the Dark Mark. Draco clenched his fingers into his father's armrest, as he listened. Lucius told him he would have to stay inside the Manor for those five days, not being allowed to even look outside. That was the only warranty he wouldn't escape. Draco didn't like the idea at all. Through all, he was always a free person, doing whatever he wanted to. That was in fact his parents fault, since they were the ones teaching him the egoistic pureblood manners. Commands were nothing for him. His temperament faded, and he aggressively raised from his chair, leaving the study in a huff to cool down.

Draco released the sink, as he turned the running water off. His nerves couldn't take sitting trapped inside the Manor for three more days. With the atmosphere of jail created here, Draco had the feeling of claustrophobia. He understood the best for him would be returning to Hogwarts. He decided the only thing to do, was talking to his father. With that thought, he turned heading for his father's study. In an elegant way, he passed the plenty of corridors which reached to the study. Knocking three times on the door, he heard an approving sound on the other side of the door. Draco opened it, taking a careful look in.

Lucius was already staring, and gave him an approving sign to come in. Draco walked in, and sat down on the chair on the other side of the desk. Lucius stopped writing on the creamy parchment, and gave his son the whole attention.

'' I would like to return to Hogwarts. There is nothing left for me here.''

His father sent him a narrowed look. By that, Draco understood his father thought otherwise. '' Draco, I don't think you understood me when I said you were going to stay inside the Manor. Until you decide.''

Draco mentally rolled his eyes. He didn't dare showing it, being somehow afraid for his father. Especially now, as he got the power to do what he wanted to. Voldemort didn't spare any power for Lucius. He gave him absolutely all he needed, to Draco's grief. With his power, it would cost him nothing to murder him and hang his skin as a decoration. '' I have decided to not accept the offer yet. I would like to return back to Hogwarts today, father.''

Lucius pushed his chair a little backwards, as he raised. With determinate steps he walked over to Draco's side of the desk. Draco could feel how he leaned over his shoulder. '' Is this your final choice?''

Draco didn't turn to face his father. Without looking, he already knew he was enraged. '' Yes. Right now, it is.''

Draco quickly raised from his chair, as he turned to the door. He hoped to avoid anything more for now, and just be able to escape back to Hogwarts. But Lucius seemed to have another plans. Before Draco was able to react, he was violently wrenched, and thrown into the door. His face painfully met the door, as he almost fell backwards of pain. His left cheekbone made a suspicious sound of being cracked, as it sent a powerful wave of heat through his face. The oak door caught his skin, and ripped off a lot of it from his cheek. Nevertheless, he kept on his feet, forcing himself to not show weakness.

Lucius grabbed his shoulder, turning him to face him. Then Draco's left shoulder, was met by the hard end of a pimp cane. Again he was thrown backwards, and into the door. The collarbone made an equal sound to his cheekbone, only much stronger. He felt something electric blow up from his collarbone, into his spine. This was much more painfully. His hand moved to his strongly injured shoulder as a reflex. The pain spread down all over his arm, and he hardly managed not to scream. Lucius probably noticed the pain in his eyes, and began laughing.

'' Now you can return, son.''

**XxX**

Life had this habit of making everything as difficult as possible to live, Hermione noticed. Or maybe it was just her mind doing it. She wasn't certain. In one or the other way, life was still hard right now. After the breakfast, Hermione had the time to think about what to say. She was sure this had to be done, but still she had this bad feeling of telling Blaise off. They had to live together in the same dormitory for the rest of the year, and it would in fact be awkward if they couldn't even talk normally. On the other hand: it would get awkward anyway. Hermione walked down stairs to meet Blaise in the entrance hall. They were supposed to handle today's detention class, and maybe before that would be the perfect timing to explain the situation. She finally ran down the last stair, where she saw Blaise waiting.

Blaise smiled when he saw her, and began walking over to the stairs to meet her. '' Mione! I came a little earlier, to ensure being here when you arrived.''

Hermione gave him a soft look, not being able to resist his charm. He was kind of attractive. She had to admit that. '' I hope you haven't been waiting for too long.''

He shook his head, still smiling in that way of his. His teeth harmonized very well together with his dark skin. Hermione forgot everything about explaining the situation. That could wait.

'' Let's go, then?'', she asked him.

Just then, the entrance door behind them opened in a highly creaking sound. Hermione turned her body to check. A boy with platinum blonde hair hanging down his face walked in. He wore a pure black, expensive smoking. It probably cost more than she could ever afford. It was absolutely stunning. All the light around got as good as sucked into it. His steps were to admit beautiful and highly elegant. That wasn't to take wrong of. Even a first grader would be able to recognize him. Draco Malfoy.

Blaise began half running towards him, being quite surprised by the visitor. '' Hey, where did you disappear? The whole school searched for you!''

Draco stopped, but Hermione couldn't hear a word of what he said. He was talking in a subdued voice, almost sounding like whispering. Between the talking he took a slow, but unnoticed look over Blaise's shoulder. Hermione's eyes got attached into his silver, as he gave her a frown. His eyes flickered. She soon noticed a big scar over his left cheekbone. It seemed to be completely fresh, with a thick layer of red, shriveled blood. The scar still didn't spoil Draco's face. To Hermione's grief, it only made him look even more masculine.

Now Blaise also turned to Hermione, and they both approached her. Blaise's expression told her he wanted to ask her about a favor. She gave him a look to ''bring it on''. '' Hermione, will you take Draco to McGonagall so he can fill out the scheme? I will handle the detention class meanwhile.''

Draco gave Blaise an asking look, but Blaise ignored that, still facing Hermione. She sighed, and nodded. '' Sure.''

.

Hermione didn't say a word to Draco as they walked to the office. Not like she felt it was necessary either. Their conversations never seemed to turn into something good anyway. She knocked on McGonagall's office, but nobody answered. Then she carefully opened the door.

The office seemed to be abandoned, with no McGonagall to see. Hermione slowly walked over to McGonagall's desk, so she could find the scheme by herself. That would take less time than waiting. Hermione bowed down over the desk, taking a quick look through her papers. Documents, schedules, letters and copies filled the bunches of papers and parchments. This could take some minutes.

Draco seemed to be curious on the items filling the walls, which made Hermione give him a warning scowl. Just to ensure not getting trouble afterward because of him. Though: if he got that thought into _his_ mind, it might have sounded tempting. Getting her into trouble.

'' Don't touch anything.''

Draco turned his face half way on her, pulling his hand slowly and demonstrative back from the picture. He spun elegantly on his heel, heading for the chair beside McGonagall's desk. Hermione rolled her eyes, continuing on her search. With her peripheral view, she saw how he sat down leaning on the back of the chair in an arrogant I- Am- Malfoy way. Her hand found place somewhere on her waist, as she gave him a look with both irritation and fatigue. '' I told you, don't touch anything!''

Draco smirked with one of his most attractive smirks, grabbing some of McGonagall's papers. He demonstratively fingered them between his long fingers, not removing his eyes from her now obviously irritated face. He was testing her. This smirk together with his gracious finger movements might have worked magnetizing on the most of the girls, but not Hermione. On her: it only worked annoying. Hermione flecked her teeth together, as she grabbed the papers abruptly away from his hands. She gave him a scowl, as she laid them back on place. With a sigh, she continued on searching. Malfoy was beginning to lose his patience, drumming with his fingers on the armrest. Happily, after some minutes, she finally found the scheme he would have to fill out. She angrily handed it over to him, together with a pen.

'' Fill it out.''

She crossed her arms determinative, while she walked around in the office. Hermione actually never noticed it to be that big. Never she noticed the decorations either. The pictures covering the stony walls, and the red velvet carpet over the floor. Just like the rest of Hogwarts, only more royal, if that was possible. Her studying of the features around, was interrupted by Malfoy.

'' What the bloody hell is this?''

Hermione turned to him, looking straightly over at the scheme she had given him a minute earlier. '' That is a scheme. Fill it out.''

He shook his head, refusing to even take a look at it. It seemed like he was out of patience. '' I won't fill it out. There is absolutely no reason for anyone to know where I have been, why, and with whom. That's ridiculous!''He crossed his muscular arms in front of his chest, giving Hermione an intense glare of cold, stony eyes.

She blinked several times, and gave him an annoyed glare as well. '' Dumbledore invented this. This will be a necessary scheme during these dark times, both to protect the missing and the ones inside Hogwarts. And for you to know: I got better things to do, so for Merlin's sake, fill it out!''

Draco seemed to enjoy this now, laughing in the depth of his throat. Hermione took some steps towards him as she picked up the paper from McGonagall's desk. Now she laid it heavily in his lap. '' Fill it out.''

Her eyes had just the strength she wanted to. He took a deep breath, and made a look which said ''Fine, woman. Relax.''. He was incredibly good at that one. And ''Lay off, or I will break your bones and limbs''. And of course his last one, the ''Do you know who I am?'' He had multiple of those looks. Hermione already knew him well enough to decipher every single one of them without even doubting.

Hermione stood beside him, watching his elegant handwriting unobtrusively over his shoulder. His hand moved softly over the paper, leaving some beautiful letters under the questions. It was somehow tempting to lay a hand on his, just to feel his muscles work as he wrote. Suddenly some blood dripped down on the scheme, and Draco stopped writing to wipe it off with his thumb. He covered his cheekbone with his one hand, and continued the writing with the other: the left one. That small fact Hermione noticed for the first time. It kind of surprised her. She always thought Malfoy was right handed.

'' What happened to your face?'', Hermione asked after some minutes. Her voice wasn't quite normal after this long talk break. It was something between raucous and cracked, but he was able to understand what she asked. Luckily.

He laid down his pen, observing Hermione with his silver moonlight eyes. She noticed his face to change from relaxed, to a bit straightened. '' Nothing special. Just an injury.''

Hermione's curiosity took over. She could see he was lying, or at least holding something back. His eyes revealed him. '' You are lying.''

Draco snapped his eyebrows together, giving her an annoyed look. '' Maybe it's just that I don't want to tell _you_. Ever thought about that?''

Hermione wasn't surprised by his arrogance at all, after six years. This was just how Malfoy was: grabbing the chances to show his inner nature: being an arse. '' I just asked.''

'' Well, don't.'', he snapped. His voice was now warning and dangerous. He gave her one last look, as he continued on down the scheme. Hermione released an annoyed breath. '' I am just trying to help, and be a good Head Girl, Malfoy. There is nothing wrong about that.''

Draco stopped his writing again, holding his pen somewhere between the air and the scheme. His head was still bend forward over the desk. He was probably thinking of a smart way to answer her, and make her shut at the same time. '' Try somewhere else. Look, its none of your damn business.''

He still had that dangerous tone somewhere in his voice, and Hermione could see it reflect in his eyes. He shook his head one time to concentrate, as he again continued answering the questions.

Hermione gave him a severely and determinate look, even though he told her to lay off. She wasn't of the type to give up once she was told to. She had her pride as well. '' You have to show Madame Pomfrit. It seem to be a quite serious injury.''

Draco continued on writing, but she could see he was thinking again. A smirk also got placed on his handsome feature called ''lips''. Hermione knew this ''think and smirk'' was up to no good. Malfoy was never up to something good. Especially not in this state. He turned his head over to her. There was some seconds of silence.

'' Granger. I think you just revealed that you actually care about me.'', he suddenly said.

Hermione gave him a surprised glare. Of all the things, she didn't expect that. Her hands found place on both her hips as she made a sputtering sound. '' What? Care about you? You must be insane!''

Malfoy shrugged his shoulders, giving no sign to be offended or angry. He studied her for some multiple seconds, before he came with his personal opinion about this. Right now, Hermione wished he would skip that part.

'' I think you do. In fact, I think you are _worried. _Worried about me.'' He gave her a confident look, being proud of his small discovery. Even his voice sounded confident as he pronounced those words.

Hermione's eyes widened. Just the thought of being worried about him made her sick. '' I don't know what you think, but your opinion is absurd! Ugh, get finished with that scheme before I get old.'' Hermione knew the only way to make him shut was to change topic. Sometimes it worked, and it was worth the try.

Malfoy gave her one last confident smirk, before he moved his pen down to answer the last question. Hermione drummed her fingers impatiently on her hip, as she walked around in the office again. She couldn't wait for this to get over, and split ways with Malfoy. He was affecting her nerves a lot. One second she was calm and composed as Hermione usually was, and the next she was a completely different person, ready to throw an iron straight on his face.

'' Have you ever got... painfully punched by your own father, Granger?'' He stopped writing again, laying down his now done scheme on McGonagall's desk. Now he just looked at her with his eyebrows a little narrowed together.

Hermione opened her mouth to answer, but closed it as she re considered. Was this a trick question? With Malfoy she wasn't sure. With him, you could actually never be sure. Nevertheless, she decided to tell the truth. '' No, Malfoy. Never experienced that.''

He laid down his pen, laughing. He didn't make any sound, but there was a smile attached to his face, and he was kind of shaking. That was the thing revealing his laughter.'' I have.'' He paused, as he looked at her with watery eyes.

'' You asked me about the scar, Granger. Well, since you are worried, I will tell you.'' He made his eyes sparkle in a highly teasing way, but Hermione could see he was serious about the ''telling you'' part. There was silence.

'' It is all my father's doing. This-'' He removed a bloody hand away from the cheekbone, and revealed the huge scar on his face. It was as before covered in blood, with some drops running down his cheek. The pure, new blood was probably caused by him touching the scar, and accidentally rub off the congealed blood layer. His hands moved over to his smoking. He buttoned up his black jacket, sitting in only his white shirt. Hermione took a curious step towards him, already noticing his shoulder to be inexpressible dark blue under the shirt. His fingers buttoned up the four first buttons of the shirt, and he dragged it down his shoulder. His silver eyes moved from his shoulder over to her. The smile was as good as licked off him. His face showed every emotion inside him. Hermione saw he tried to hide them. He managed to subdue these a little by his coolness, but not enough. Pain, sadness and a severely expression filled him. ''- and this.''

His muscular collarbone was completely out of shape. Hermione noticed his pale skin to be almost black on the spot around the collarbone. The colour was something dark blue, mixed with red and purple. On one spot, a little white was even showing. Was that his bone? Hermione reached her hand slowly out for it, but pulled it back in fear to hurt him. Even thought he was Malfoy and worse than Satan himself, she didn't want to cause him more pain. He already paid his debt. Instead, her hands covered her now hanging jaw, as she tried to avoid sounds coming out from it. The view was terrifying.

Draco raised from the chair, and neared Hermione. He nodded in an approving way, giving her the right to touch it. '' It hurt like hell already. It won't change anything if you touch it. Some unbearable stings, maybe, but I guess I already feel the worst.''

Hermione shook her head, as she closed her eyes. She tried to interpret the new information sailing in, about the relationship between Draco and his father. She always associated them to have a perfect father-son relationship, but no. It seemed she was wrong. That surprised her, because she was usually never wrong about such things. Her lashes touched her hands. She felt one of them getting removed from her face. She opened up again, and saw how Malfoy held her wrist. He directed it against his wounded shoulder, and stopped as it was over it. There was silence.

'' Hit me.'', he commanded all of a sudden. His eyes got now changed into cold, and gray. Into a colour associated with dark iron. He was challenging her.

Hermione again shook her head, now confused. Why did he want her to do that? Have he really gone insane? Hermione felt lost, and misplaced. This feeling was unusual. She usually always knew what to do, and how to answer him, but right now she couldn't read the mind of Draco Malfoy.

She began pulling the hand back to her, but he reacted quickly, and placed it over his collarbone again. '' Hit me, Granger. Hard. I know how you hit since the third grade. Hit me _now_. I want the pain.''

Hermione again shook her head, determinate, but afraid. '' You are a sick bastard, Malfoy. You need help.'', she said hoarsely and confused.

He sent Hermione a teasing smirk, as he touched her palm. Her words didn't seem to affect him at all. Hermione got stunned by his cold fingers for a moment, and now as he got the chance, he pushed her stunned body into the cold stone wall. She lost her breath for a second. His arms held her tightly into it. She felt incredibly small and weak opposed to him. Small and helpless, caught inside the arms of her enemy.

'' Do it, Granger. Bloody do it!'' He began shouting. Not even looking up on him, she understood he was mad. Beyond mad. He was enraged. '' I want the bloody pain. Now hit me Granger, as if I just fucked you hard.''

Hermione turned her face completely away and clenched her eyes together. He was now beginning to sound disgusting. Hermione got even more scared of what was about to develop. She wasn't used to hear him talk in this way to her. She tried to wiggle away her arms, but he only straightened his grip. The way he held her arms was painful, but nothing was worse than not being able to do something about it.

Draco now took a grip around her fingers, causing her even more pain. '' You fucking do it, Granger.''

Hermione shook her head, still keeping her face away from him. She clenched her fist, ready to hit his wounded bone all of her straight, but stopped half way down. Her inner voice created a conflict with her will. She tried again, but ended up just at the same point. She couldn't understand why, but it was as impossible as falling in love with Neville. It was probably the fact that he wanted her to do it, she thought. '' I.. I can't.''

**XxX**

Draco understood very well what he was doing. He got more control over the happenings than he wanted to. Call him sick, but he wasn't. That was not the issue. He did this because the pain of Granger kind of turned him on. The way she tried to detach. The way she turned her face away, in hope to not get hurt. The sounds of minimal terror, and the terror in her eyes. No, he wasn't sick. He was just Draco Malfoy; he was like a Malfoy is supposed to be. Even thought it was the worst fact in his life, he still had the blood of his father roaring inside his veins. And even thought Draco decided not to become a mini version of him, sometimes the manners of Lucius still showed through Draco's actions. Like now.

He released the hand which held over his shoulder, and placed it on her chin so he could turn her around. Her eyes got opened, and the terror inside the gold around her irises lightened even through the dark room.

'' Why?'', he asked furious.

She bit her lip, as she gently lowed her hand down on his shoulder. Too gently, actually. He could have taken more than that. Her fingers laid in a perfectly shape over the dark knots inside his shoulder. Now her gaze was steady, and directed on him. '' I'm not like you, and your father. I am a human, not a monster waiting for the opportunity to injure.'' She paused as she steadied her gaze. '' You are an evil bastard, Malfoy. I hate you. Believe me, if it wasn't for my humanity, I would have injured you.''

Draco felt how his brain started to boil. Even thought he hated it, she was right. He was evil, and he just began to be more alike a monster for each day passing. His life was eating him up. But of course, he would never admit her to be right. Not even with his head on the guillotine. That would have crushed his pride into pieces. Draco couldn't take the fact she was right. He pulled her tighter against the wall.

'' Watch that hole you call a mouth now, Granger. Or I will break every of your limbs, until they will be nowhere to find. I will even ignore the fact you are a girl.'' He released her chin, holding one warning finger against her. His forehead got frowned, and he looked just like an angry father giving his child a lesson. Hermione made a comprehending sound, still holding her small hand on his shoulder. As he heard her understanding, he released her completely. He walked over to the exit. There was no reason to lengthen any more of this. He got his daily dose of teasing a Gryffindor. He leaned on the wall in the corridor, as he watched Granger close the door into McGonagall's office. She gave him one look of death, as she began walking down the corridor.

But Malfoy had other plans for her. He grabbed her by her waist. She stiffened in his hand, he could feel. Every single muscle of her stiffened, in fear for this to continue. '' Just wanted to tell you. What I said about my father, will be... some kind of a secret between us enemies. You understand?'' He felt how she nodded her head under her golden curls.

'' If you tell-'' He grabbed her one hand, and massaged her knuckles. ''- I will break off every single of your fingers. And toes, if needed.'' Hermione's fingers felt stiffened, but relaxed as they laid into his. It almost felt like she was going to faint. He quickly released her. Then he walked in the other direction of her, leaving her behind and alone.

* * *

**Chapter comments:**

So yeah. This is my second attempt to write a Dramione fiction, and I hope Ill make it this time, and my second attempt to write a fiction at all. Basically, this will be a fiction about the forbidden love, and how desperate they try to fight their feelings.

So yeah! I hope you enjoy it, and that I kinda managed to hook you up here at the beginning.


	2. Chapter 2

**Forbidden**

**XxX**

**Chapter 2**

Draco entered the great hall for the breakfast. He already sensed it would be a lot of curious faces towards him. He was completely right. A lot of students turned towards Draco with curiosity in their faces. Especially the first graders seemed to be interested in the scar over his face, as if they never have seen one. He searched for an empty place among the Slytherins, and found one on the other side of Blaise, and far away from Pansy. Luckily for him. Maybe he would even be able to avoid her for today. That thought kind of relieved him.

Blaise gave him a warm smile as he sat down, but his face was concentrated on something behind Draco, he noticed. Draco turned his head half way to follow his eyes, and at the end he found himself looking straightly on Granger. Draco quickly turned away from her, and faced his Slytherin friend. Blaise looked somehow away, almost like behind a layer of fog where he was out of reach. It was obvious he was trapped inside his own thoughts.

Draco couldn't avoid to release a choked laugh. '' I see. Head duties over the breakfast, isn't it?''

Blaise finally turned away from the Gryffindors, but only to give Draco a warning look. Draco felt how he got kicked in the leg under the table. His reaction was immediate, and he laughed out. '' Seriously? You got a crush on Granger?''

Blaise looked embarrassed over Draco's discovery. Draco's eyes already managed to get filled with tears of laughter. They rolled down his cheeks, as he struggled to keep his breathe equal. Blaise's cheeks turned pink. It only made Draco begin to slap his thighs of laughter. This discovery was hilarious in his eyes. Zabini and Granger. Draco finally managed to stop, with a sound like ''eeh'' at the end. Blaise still haven't said a word.

'' It's fine, Blaise. Love is all fine.'', he breathed out. Not like Draco knew anything about the word ''love'', and especially not about the feeling. He never loved anyone, except himself, of course. There he was professional. Messed with girls, yes. But never loved one. Not like he planned starting either.

Blaise sent Draco a thankful smile, but it soon changed into a severely face. He leaned a little forward against Draco, almost like he was going to tell him something top secret. '' Draco. Do you think she... she likes me?'', he whispered in a choked tone.

Draco turned back to the Gryffindors again, just so he could see what the Gryffindor princess did at this moment. Well, of course. He couldn't expect anything else from her than sitting there and talk to her pricks, while eating her toast with strawberry jam. A typical scene of Granger's breakfast. Draco sighed. He knew girls like her wasn't of the type to fall in love. She wasn't of the feminine ones. The one who didn't know her, could think she was lesbian because of her style and her actions around boys, but the issue was just her personality. The fear for being too sexual, and the fear for getting dressed in something too open. And of course just the fact that she wasn't of the relationship types. She would rather go and date a book in the library.

'' Yeah, Blaise. She is clearly in love.'', Draco said as severely as he could. No reason to break Blaise before the time comes. He noticed how Blaise's eyes lit up the same second, and he looked back at her. He again returned back to the state of fog. This can in fact be fun to watch, Draco decided with laughter.

.

'' In this class, you will learn how to concoct the Draught of Living Death.''

This was how Slughorn usually began his class. He took a look around, before he began walking between the tables and the students gathered around.'' Is there anyone of you who know the effect of this potion?''

'' The potion makes the user fall into a powerful sleep.'', Parvati stated.

'' Correct. It is very dangerous, if not used with caution. Note that, because that is a very important fact.'' Slughorn waited for the reactions of the students. When he was satisfied with the faces of caution, he continued.

'' I will pair you up, and you will do exactly what the recipe tell you to. Don't experiment.'' He gave Draco an unique, warning look when he said that, probably already sensing Draco's playful mood today. In days like these, you could expect Draco to do anything. From putting a frog into someones food, to rape a girl. Well, of course rape would be wrong. The girls wanted him. When Draco noticed Slughorn's gaze, he shrugged his one healthy shoulder as a reply.

'' Now. Goyle and Parkinson, Potter and Brown-'' Draco noticed how Blaise straightened. The reason was obvious in his eyes. He wanted to get Granger as his mate. His feeling now was probably something like just before a quidditch match, when your nerves play around with you. One second you feel happy and relaxed, the other angry and straightened. Poor boy, Draco thought. Love must be completely awful. He suddenly got even more happy he wasn't of the sobbing loving type.

'' Zabini and Weasley-'', Slughorn continued.

Draco heard a breaking sound, and noticed that Blaise just broke the pencil he held in his hand. Draco's eyebrows flew up in a surprised expression, as he watched Blaise quickly walk over to Weasley in a sobbing way. Yep, poor boy.

'' Malfoy and Granger. Now, begin. The ingredients lays on the table.''

Draco mentally laughed. Ironic. You always get the one you hate most. Well, Slughorn already made his decision, and what was left for Draco was to walk over to Granger. She had already begun to cut up the sopophorous bean. He sat down on a chair beside her, as he followed her working hands with his eyes. She worked, and ignored him completely. Probably still angry about yesterday's happenings, where he acted against her will. She hated when someone did that, that was one more thing Draco knew about her. The fact she still had that in mind kind of made him proud. So he managed to get under her skin, once again.

'' Mix together the African sea salt and the water, Malfoy. Be careful not to shake it.'', she commanded him in a fixed voice, still with her eyes on the bean. Draco made a sputtering sound, as he raised and did as she told him to. With her it was best to not disagree. That he knew from earlier incidents.

Hermione suddenly stopped, having a perplexed expression on her face as she studied the ingredients laying on the table. Draco cocked his head aside to get a view of the recipe she was studying.

'' The valerian root is missing.'', he stated after some seconds. Hermione rolled her eyes on him, as she began walking away.

'' Hey woman, where are you leaving?'', Draco asked her with a bewildered voice. Hermione muttered something over her shoulder, just loud enough for Draco to hear it. '' See if someone got one to spare.''

Hermione returned with nothing in her hand. She leaned her one hand on the table to support her weight, as she gave him a hard look. Draco understood she was about to say something he wouldn't like.

'' We will have to run down to Hygrid, to see if we can find some in his garden. Professor Slughorn didn't have anyone left. I asked Lovegood to help us out up here. She will ensure that the potion will be fine.''

.

Draco rolled his eyes, and sighed as they walked down the hill to Hygrid's hut. This was what he was afraid of: walking away with Granger by his side. All the way they walked in silence, but now Hermione seemed to lose control over her voice. She was an over average social girl, and couldn't take silence for a long time. That was one of the things Draco knew about her. She turned her face half way on Draco, and he could feel how she was studying the scar on his face thoroughly, piece after piece.

'' Have you shown your injuries to Madame Pomfrit?'' There was an apparent concern in her voice. Draco could hear that, but he decided not to comment it. Weird or not, but it was in fact comforting to know someone cared. There was little of caring in his life, and when it first came he wanted to enjoy it. Even if it was just for a second. He pushed his voice together into something emotionless, so she wouldn't hear his comfort. Granger comforting Malfoy, would mean the end to his pride.

'' No, and not like I plan doing that either.''

Hermione stopped walking. He also stopped, as a reflex on her action. Hermione's eyes burned into his. He could see she was both annoyed and concerned, as her emotions flickered together in the gold around the irises. '' I think your collarbone is broken, Malfoy. You have to show it-''

'' No, Granger. I won't! I will get questioned. What will I then answer? ''I got kicked down by my father?''.'', Draco interrupted harshly. He again pointed a warning finger against her.

Hermione's reaction on the other hand, surprised him. She grabbed the finger abruptly, and held his hand with her both small hands. In her eyes were something he couldn't decipher. He narrowed his eyes questioningly, with his head a little bent aside.

'' Malfoy. I'm just.. I'm sorry I teased you for being daddy's little boy all these years. I was wrong.''

She stopped, and looked deeper into his eyes. There was a clearly sign of keen to apologize. Her hands took a better grip around his. '' I didn't know. I always thought you two were in a good relationship. That was why I used it as a topic to tease you back. You always seemed to love him, and...''

And that was all she got able to say, because the next second he kissed her. The feeling of her caring was just too overwhelming to resist, even for someone as cool as him. He leaned forward, and kissed her pink, talking lips. He knew he would regret this a lot later, maybe already when he pulled out, but this was the only reaction he had for now. He couldn't explain why exactly he reacted in this way. There was probably nothing which could.

After some seconds, Hermione replied the kiss. Draco felt how she raised on her toes to reach his lips in a better grip around hers. He was in fact much taller than her. He pulled her up by her waist, and leaned her body carefully against one of the stones standing on the hill. She whined, as her lips slowly opened up in an allowing way for him to enter.

Right now, Draco had no idea of what exactly he was doing.

Yesterday, he had control.

Five minutes ago, he had control.

Now, he had no control at all. Not one percent.

His tongue found her and their tips met each other in an explosion. Something inside his stomach got released into a thousand of pieces, moving all over his body. Her hands moved up from his back to his cheeks, as she stroke his scar with her thumb in a gently strike. Over and over again. Draco felt her everywhere. All over his lips. Her tongue explored every single inch, and her lips touched nearly every spot of his.

She sucked sensually on his lower lip, which sent an electric signal all from the lip to his toes. He never thought this was what he would do this potion class. It was like he was taken completely over by amortentia, and there was nothing which could get him out. His hands went uncontrolled all over her. From her waist, and up her back, to supporting the back of her head which was covered by her hair. And her smell. It drugged him. It made him distant. The blood boiled inside him, and it felt like he was about to explode as he managed to pull out of the intensity in the kiss.

After some seconds he realized what he had done. Indescribable fear spread from the tips of his fingers, into every spot on his body. This was the end.

**XxX**

Hermione stood pressed into the warm stone. She looked away from Malfoy in a guilty way. She was scared. Startled of his reaction on this incident. Right now, she didn't even care about her pride and her reputation. That was out of her mind. She was just startled of his surely incoming rage, every second now.

Hermione didn't hear anything. Around her there was wind, but no sound coming from Malfoy at all. That even scared her more. A quiet Malfoy, was a frightening Malfoy. A bomb ticking, waiting to explode. She looked up, just to see him bury his head in his hands. He seemed just as shocked as she. Hermione raised her hand to her mouth, and began biting her nails nervously. That was what she usually did when she was beyond nervous. Like during the exams, or test. But this time it was worse.

Malfoy finally looked up from his hands. He seemed to be in an empty state. His eyes were distant, someplace far away. Inaccessible. They gain a colour almost like white, only a little darker. Hermione could see him swallow, and clean his voice. He looked at her with his eyebrows snapped together, while rubbed his neck innocently. '' So...Where were we supposed to go?''

Hermione stopped biting her nails. Was this his reaction? She got petrified. He managed to surprise her. Again. Hermione was almost certain that if she spent the rest of her life with Malfoy, he would still surprise her regularly.

'' Gathering... valerian roots in Hygrid's garden.'', she responded in a hoarsely voice.

Draco's hand went up to rub his hair, and his eyes slowly gain his usual silver colour. '' I suppose we should go, then?''

Hermione was beyond confused. She understood it as if they were supposed to pretend like it never happened, but then again she wasn't sure how to interpret it this time either. It was just like yesterday. He pushed her into a state where even her smart brain wasn't able to understand anything of the happenings.

Nevertheless, she continued to walk down the hill with quick steps, just to get over with the gathering. They were late already, because of this confusing mistake or what it should be called. Hermione wasn't sure what to call it. And if that wasn't enough, an other thought filled her. How could she tell Harry and Ron? Her heart stopped as she thought about it. She already knew how they would react. They would grab Malfoy by his hair, and kick him into the wall until he would lay dead in front of them. Then they would dance around him, with a smile on their faces. Then they would get expelled, get no work, no family...

Hermione felt almost like she was going to faint of overpressure. Usually, she would take this situation calm and composed, think through every detail several times, and just then find out what to do. But right now her mind split into four or five pieces, where every one of them thought about something different. Non of them wanted to cooperate about the solution to her problem. And all of that was only Malfoy's fault. Why did he kiss her? What was in it for him? He would never do that without an advantage. Hermione mentally laughed. It was hilarious how paranoid Malfoy made her.

She was probably showing some of her laughing outside as well, because now he stared at her as if she was going mental.

'' What's so funny?'' He was frowning in an interrogative way.

Hermione's pieces of brain stopped working. She continued down the hill, without answering him. Mostly because she didn't know how, or what. But her ignorance didn't work well. He grabbed her wrist, and stopped her by walking in front of her. Hermione tried to walk aside, but he followed.

_Well, now there is no way of escaping,_ a voice inside her brain said.

She stopped, and gave him a scowl with a deathly expression in her eyes. He wasn't going to mess around with her brain anymore.

'' What? Weren't we supposed to gather the roots? Or did I miss some changes in our plans?'' She was glad the bitterness inside her returned, because that is the only thing helping her to concentrate.

Draco licked his lip as if he was thinking. It was clearly what exactly he was thinking about. Surely he couldn't get it out of his mind either. It bothered him as well, even thought he tried to hide it. '' What happened up there, didn't happen. Do you understand?''

Hermione gave him an evil smile of annoyance and bitterness mixed together. '' _What_ happened up there?''

Draco smirked in return, which Hermione deciphered as a ''good that we agree''.

.

'' Splendid. We came too late!''

Malfoy stated the obvious for Hermione, who desperately tried to open the door into the potion class. Now she gave up, and leaned towards it with a tired expression on her face.

When they finally arrived Hygrid's garden, they started a discussion about who of them were going to gather the root. Of course it ended up with a victory to Malfoy's arrogance and egoism since Hermione couldn't take much longer of it, and Hermione ended up taking the responsibility on her own.

That kiss seemed to heat up the hating between them even more than before. She blamed him for standing there with his hands in his pockets and not doing anything, when she threw a root right on his face. Luckily for him: on the cheek which was not injured. He blamed her for being such a library wench who wasn't even able to finish an assignment on her own, when he threw the root back on her.

And so they continued. A lot of really, _really _foul things were thrown out on each other. Of course he commented the circumstances of her birth, calling her a Mudblood and a filthy witch, and she commented the circumstances around him and his father, even thought she apologized that for some minutes ago. She had her line as well, and when he passed it: she was ready to forget everything about her apologies.

She actually regret the apologies now. If it wasn't for them, that bloody kiss would never happen, she wouldn't be in the state she was, and everything would be just as usual. But no. Of course everything had to get spoiled in the matter of some seconds.

This endless fight continued on, until Hermione decided that was it. He went too far, and now it wasn't healthy, feasible or possible listening to his humiliating words of a Pureblooded egoist.

She threw herself over him, and even thought he is tall and steady, he fell to the ground, getting covered in mud. She shouted, as she stuffed his pockets with mud. When she was done, she sat herself over him, while she screamed something baffling about Mudbloods and Purebloods.

There were some unintelligible words about him being a bad kisser as well. Where those thoughts came from, she wasn't quite certain. That was actually a big, fat lie, coming out from nowhere. He was an _excellent _kisser. Which she would never admit, of course. Not even if he made her to, threatening with avada.

It ended up with them both covered in mud and roots all over their robes, with Hermione in the arms of a totally furious Draco.

'' If it wasn't for your act, then-'' He grabbed her chin in a firmly grip.

Hermione jumped back in horror of his action. She understood that she just said something she promised never to mention again. His eyes got dark. Dark, as a storm raging over the ocean. Almost black. '' I thought I made it clear: What happened did not happen. If you mention it again, then-''

'' Then what? Then you will injure me as your father injured you?''

That seemed to hit him in the right place. He got quiet. Completely quiet. Hermione took that as an opportunity to show that she wasn't just a toy he could play around with. She wanted to hit the voice out of him once again.

'' By how you expressed yourself yesterday, I thought you didn't want to become a copy to your father. A mini him, a _slave, _working for your dear father for the rest of your life. I guess I was wrong again. You are walking into his footsteps, not even being aware of it. You are just as cruel and heartless as him. Just as cool as him. Just wanting power over others, and-''

Draco straightened his grip. Actually over straightened it. He squeezed her trachea together, as he gave her a intense gaze. A gaze she would never forget, not even laying dead on the ground. It was intense, cold, storming, hating, killing... all of the emotions a person who hated you could have. It killed something inside her.

'' Shut up!'', he yelled. '' Merlin, just shut up this once! You bloody wench! You don't know _anything _about who I want to be. You don't know anything about me! You slut, you-'' He shook her until her teeth rattled.

She tried to detach at first. Wiggle with her arms, hit him, push him, but that didn't help. Hermione closed her eyes. She already struggled to keep herself steady on her feet. There was an intense piping inside her ears, which was caused by the pressure inside her head, and she couldn't hear anything of what he yelled out. There was a clearly deficiency of oxygen inside her, and her breath got less and less for each second passing. She felt something inside her toes. An indescribable feeling. Heat, running up into her thighs.

She stopped breathing. She just gave up, and let go. He held too tightly to even try, it would only choke you. His hand released her, and her knees wouldn't hold her weight up. Her body was out of energy, out of breath and out of shape. She fell down to the floor, with the rough wood material of the classroom door scratching up her bare legs.

**XxX**

Draco walked backwards in terror. What have he done? His hands pulled his hair back. The heart pumped the blood quickly around in his body. Faster, faster. Draco felt his veins straighten, and get harder. This was not what he wanted. This was not his goal. He just wanted to scare her, make her shut up. But this. How did he end up doing this? He took multiple steps back, until he got stopped by the wall. His head hit it hard and it vibrated inside his spine. His legs shook as he sat down on the floor.

For the first time through his life, Draco realized he was a lost person.

She was right. He was beginning to walk into his father's footsteps, exactly the opposite of what he wanted to, not even being aware of it. This was his pre chosen destiny. Continuing his father's work. There was no way of getting away from that. He is the son of his father. The dark inside him was roaring, the blood of a pure Death Eater.

He suddenly understood why his father got enraged when he declined the Dark Mark. Because there is no decline to that. There is no choice. There never was. He would have to accept it soon or later, it was only a question about time, and his father wanted him to understand.

Draco inhaled all he had of air. There was something stopping him from breathing, a thick layer of fear. His head raised, and looked over at Granger's body laying on the ground. It made him get back to reality.

He quickly stood up, and fell down on his knees beside Hermione. He grabbed her shoulders gently, and shook her carefully by the shoulders. She didn't react. Nothing on her face moved. Not a single muscle. Have he killed her? Draco's breath stopped somewhere between his lungs and his mouth. Now he inhaled more than he exhaled. The choking feeling returned. He tried to shake her again. He waited.

Hermione finally released a sound, somewhere from the bottom of her throat. Something between a whine and a whimper of pain. Draco released a breath of relief, as he pulled her torso up. Her eyes began to open up, or at least the thick layer of lashes. His first reaction was to hug her into him, relieved by her breath. Never he thought he would be so happy by hearing Granger's breath. His fear got released into the air, as he pulled her up into his arms.

.

'' Ow...''

'' Don't move, Miss Granger. Don't move.''

Draco sat on the side of Hermione's hospital bed, with her hand holding his of all her straight to reduce the pain. He wouldn't leave until he was certain she wasn't hurt. Enemies or not, it was all his fault. His, and his temperaments.

'' Will she be fine?'', he asked Pomrit as he took a look on Granger.

She looked as usual, only pale, with her eyes closed and her mouth a little bent aside. He was glad it wasn't all worse. He knew how much he could injure a person with his straight. Sometimes he was even afraid of his own well-trained muscles. They were just like a multiple death weapon in addition to his wand. Of course in some cases they were good to have. He couldn't say he wanted them off. That would be to lie.

Madame Pomfrit gave Draco a severely look before she took a look back on Hermione. '' Yes. This time she will. There is nothing serious, only some problems with breathing and talking, but they will soon disappear. I hope you understand you will have to take the conse-''

'' He is not the only guilty. I am just as guilty.'' Hermione struggled to pronounce the sentences, but managed to do it after the second attempt. She again straightened her hand around his, probably trying to stop the pain inside her.

Madame Pomrit raised her eyebrows into a surprised look, and Draco couldn't say he was less surprised either. Granger admitting her fault when she wasn't even forced to do it, was something you would like to take a video of.

'' Well, then you both will have to face the detention. I will tell McGonagall once you will be able to do it.'', Pomrit replied as she laid a cold bandage over her head.

Draco released Hermione's hand, and raised from the bed. He brushed away what was left of mud on his robe in quick movements. Now as he was certain the injures weren't prolonged, he decided he could leave for now. '' I will talk to McGonagall about separate detentions.''

He knew that was the right thing to do for now, just being alone. Because after this he wasn't certain what he was able to do the next time. He was afraid of hurting her harder, and maybe then it would all be too late. The thought sent an icing down his arms. No matter how much she bothered him or how much he hated her, he wasn't ready to kill her. Not for anything in the world.

He began walking away and out the wing, as he heard Hermione pronounce the thing he would probably hate her even more for. Even thought he still was in a state of fear and shock over these new happenings, he was just about to pass the line into getting raged.

'' Madame Pomrit, you have to check Malfoy's collarbone. I think it might be broken.''

Obviously Pomrit listened to Hermione, and stopped Draco right away. He got almost pushed into the hospital bed on the other side of Hermione's.

'' Take off your shirt, and let me take a look.'', Pomrit commanded as she hurried to get a roll of bandage and some wet tampons.

Draco sighed. Twice, before he with a slowly movement raised his hands to take off the robe. The robe fell down to the bed, as he slowly began to button up his shirt with precision slowness. He gave the smirking Hermione a sarcastic smile, as the shirt now was buttoned fully up. From Hermione's bed he could hear a gasp, and he again looked over at her. This time, she only seemed surprised, according to the muscles which worked on her face. Draco understood it was caused by his well-trained stomach muscles. He wasn't surprised. He got used to that as the years passed, and even thouhht Granger hated him, she was just a girl. Not a Saint.

'' Oh! Good Lord!'' Pomrit pronounced. She almost lost her grip around the bandage she held when she turned to take a look at Draco's shoulder, but was quick enough to take a better grip around it. She stumbled over to him, as she studied the shoulder with a highly concerned expression all over her face. It was reflected on her shaking hands as she touched his collarbone with highly caution. Her hands moved over the knots of clots gathered inside his shoulder, as she muttered something which sounded like a prayer.

'' Good Lord! How did this happen?'', a concerned Pomrit asked. Malfoy opened his mouth to answer, but it was interrupted by a voice from the bed beside him.

'' It was all because of me, Madame Pomrit. That's why it's my fault as well.''

Draco couldn't believe his ears, when she again told it was her fault. And this time it was even a lie.

While Pomrit was concentrated on his shoulder and muttering a multiple pray, he took a look over at Hermione. His eyebrow flew up in an expression which talked for itself without words needed. It was asking her what the hell is going on. Hermione, on the other hand, seemed to be completely comforted by this situation.

Once again she proved to Draco that she was completely out of mind, not knowing what she did at all. She was actually defending her enemy, who almost got her killed some minutes ago. That didn't make any sense. The books must have affected the logic inside her mind, he thought.

'' Mr Malfoy, you will have to stay here. There is no way you are walking out of the wing, before this collarbone is completely healed. Only over my dead body.'', Pomrit told after some minutes. She handed over an opened salve. It smelled something disgusting, which Draco didn't want to know of. She rubbed in the salve in a hard way to remove the clots. Draco couldn't avoid to release some moans of pain, but as soon as she was done he couldn't feel a thing.

The bandage got lashed over him, and he was ready to leave. For his hospital bed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Forbidden**

**XxX**

**Chapter 3**

**01:00 am**

Hermione couldn't sleep. She sat up in her bed, taking a look around.

Dark. Everything around was just dark. No light to lit up the place, not even a candelabra! Even thought it is hard to admit, Hermione hates the dark, especially during these dark times. The dark times, when being a muggle born or a representative of the light side is like digging its own grave. She can't stand the feeling of not knowing what awaits you around the next corner. From the day it all started for full, she always slept with her light on inside her Head's room. If there was just a lamp around...

**03:00 am**

Hermione leaned her torso forward towards her bedside. She tried to reach the wand which laid on it, but her hand was sloppy and the wand fell to the floor. Hermione could hear it trundle under the bedside.

'' Aren't you going to sleep?''

Hermione jumped back of the voice. It was unexpected. She quickly turned her head forward on the bed in front of her, looking into a pair of sleepy, silver eyes. Merlin, she just woke the devil up.

'' No.'', she replied while crossing her arms. Icing with fear flew down her spine as Malfoy buried his eyes inside her. Her hands began to shake. She was still not over today's happenings with Malfoy. After this, she was sure it would be difficult to interact with him at all. She would turn into a woman with huge nerve problems every time. He turned away, and took a look on something laying beside him. She just hoped it wasn't his wand.

'' It's 3 am, Granger. Go to sleep.''

'' No!'', she repeated, now louder. She bit her lip to avoid unnecessary sounds of fear coming out. Malfoy crossed his arms in front of him as well, as he sat up on his bed. It was almost like he could read her thoughts.

'' Look, I'm not going to kill you. I just lost it, okay? It was your fault as well! Damn it, Granger. Don't think I was trying to hurt you!'' There was clear annoyance and an attempt of convincing in his voice.

Hermione looked aside. '' But you did.'' Her voice was still uncertain and hoarsely. She couldn't keep away from saying it, but the next second she regret. She should have kept shut.

Malfoy got silent for some seconds. Then Hermione could hear some sounds caused by him moving his duvet. His bed creaked in an unpleasant sound. Some steps approached her bed.

_Time to escape, Hermione! Now. Raise, and run!_, a tiny voice inside her brain said.

She ignored it. Instead, she turned around to face her now biggest fear. He sat down on her bed, and grabbed her hand in a fixed grip. Hermione tried to stop her hand from shaking so he wouldn't feel it, but it didn't seem to have the wish of cooperating.

'' I wasn't trying to hurt you. You have to believe me! I'm...'' He stopped and looked inside her eyes with a deep, calm look. It could actually work comforting, if Hermione wasn't as frightened as if he was Voldemort himself.

'' Don't shiver as a leaf. I promise I won't lay a hand on you.'' His voice sounded convincing, but Hermione couldn't stop it. The warning alarm inside her just wouldn't stop alarming, and she continued on shivering.

He sighed, and looked down on his feet. '' Why did you defend me in front of Pomfrit?''

Hermione swallowed down a big lump forming itself somewhere inside her throat. She tried to keep her breath steady instead of bothering to answer him. Soon or late he would give up on asking.

Malfoy turned his eyes back on Hermione. The silver in them sparkled in harmony with the moonlight, which could make every girl watching them lose their breath. '' Why, Granger? I just want to know. I mean, after everything I have done... Why?''

'' It wasn't just your fault. I just told the truth, because I am a honest person.'' Hermione bit her lip, in a multiple attempt to stop her fear. He wasn't hurting her. Yet. Then why did it feel like he was killing her? An uncomfortable feeling began to bite inside her toes. She moved them a little, just to continue the blood circulation.

'' What about my collarbone? Why did you say it was your fault? That was a lie. You know, you just ensured yourself detention. You could have avoided it, I wouldn't tell anyone.'' His eyes sought an answer beyond her surface.

'' Malfoy. Yes, we hate each other, but I don't want your death. This injury might have killed you, and you didn't even think about showing it on your own. All the blood gathered together in a clump...'' She stopped to take a look on him. '' Like I said before, I am just doing my job being a good Head Girl for this school.''

He nodded, seeming satisfied with her certain answer. There was a silence laying in the room. A comforting silence. Not the thick, pressing one. Only a light and somehow understanding. It was pleasant to feel it this once.

'' You need to get some sleep. Maybe you will be able to get out of here tomorrow already.'', Malfoy said as he raised from the bed. He released her hand gently, and began walking away. This was the best conversation they ever had. No teasing, no sarcasm, no violence. Just normal interacting. The fear inside her toes stopped, and so did her shivering. Now she was afraid for something different.

She grabbed his hand back. '' Wait.'' He took a look over his shoulder.

'' I don't like the dark.'' She knew she would hate herself for telling him later, maybe even now, but she couldn't keep calm. Malfoy took a look around the hospital wing, as if he was searching for a light place for her to stay. Then he turned back, silent, almost like he was waiting for her to command him what she wanted him to do. His eyes still sought something inside her.

'' Don't leave.'' Her voice was begging, but balanced with simple asking. Malfoy turned completely around, just looking at her. His eyes went back into sparkling.

'' Would you prefer me to stay here with _you_, then?'' His voice was teasing.

Hermione thought for some seconds. She could feel her cheeks blush of embarrassment. Suddenly she was glad it was completely dark, and he couldn't see her blushing. She made it sound like they were a couple, or friends. They were the completely opposite. Was she getting mental? Wouldn't surprise her.

Her mind slapped her over and over again. If the pain was physical, she would have began to bleed. Her hands began sweating. This was not a Granger standard. How could she be so foolish? She blamed her fear for the dark.

'' No, I mean... Two is better then one, you know? You could lay on the bed beside me, just so they would kill you instead of me. If there will be danger for that.'' He looked at her. '' Just forget it. I'm just tired, that's all. Good night.'' She was now whispering really low, and released his pale hand. Her body moved to her side, and she laid her one hand under her pillow to support her head. The other she laid beside her face. She moved her feet into a more comfortable position, as she closed her eyes lightly with her eyelids. She managed to rescue her dumbness. This time.

**04:00 am**

Hermione woke up, all covered in sweat. Her feet jumped up, and she understood she just experienced a tremendous nightmare. She hated those. They made her feel small and weak. Just like Malfoy. She wasn't sure which one of them were worst. A nightmare or Malfoy? She sighed, as she sat back up on her bed. Her hand found its way to her forehead, as she wiped away the running drops of sweat with her hospital pajama.

'' It's impressive how you muggles talk in sleep.''

Hermione's heart skipped some of the beats. She looked up, and there she saw Malfoy sitting in his bed, completely awake with his arms crossed over his chest. Hermione felt a sting of nervousness. What exactly did she say?

'' What did I talk about then?''

Draco made a sputtering sound. '' You mumbled. I didn't waste energy on deciphering any of the words, but it made me wake up. Well, at least _you_ got some sleep.'' His voice was again back to the usual arrogant Malfoy way. Hermione couldn't help but rolling her eyes. She actually wondered for how long he would keep nice and polite. It seemed like she just got her answer. Not long.

'' Well, _sorry _for waking you up. Being choked by a Death Eater is not the best experience in my life, thought.''

Even through the dark, Hermione knew he sent her a deathly scowl. '' One, apologize accepted. Two, I'm not a bloody Death Eater.'' He was probably sick of being associated with one just because of his father, but Hermione couldn't help that either. It was just her mind.

'' Like I said, I don't like the dark. That was probably the reason. All those mixed.''

Malfoy seemed to understand her point of view, but Hermione had the suspicion he was muttering up something foolish to say, something which could make her embarrassed. She felt it was her personal duty to stop him from saying it out loud. '' And don't you ever talk about my fear for the dark. Never.''

Malfoy again made a sputtering sound. '' Don't feel the need talking about you.''

Hermione felt thrown back, but she didn't show it in any way. Of course. She couldn't believe it. She spent one day and almost a whole night together with Draco Malfoy. How did she survive? Well, the fact she got almost choked was probably enough to prove it is dangerous wandering around with him. No doubt.

Suddenly Hermione heard a creaking noise outside the hospital wing. Almost like someone entered the door, and left it to close by itself. Something slammed. She immediately got straightened up, while she reached for her wand. But then she remembered it rolled under the bedside earlier this night. A lump of terror began to form itself inside her throat, just like the previous one. Only bigger. Much bigger.

'' What was that?'', she whispered with the voice she had left. It was probably not that high, but Malfoy managed to understand her once again.

'' What was what, Granger? If you are trying to freak me out, then please note this: I'm not afraid of the dark.'' Hermione could feel his eye rolling while he pronounced the sentence. She clenched her duvet harder together around her. She was certain she heard something. It was not just her imagination. She was not beginning to get crazy.

'' I heard something down there! I am sure!'' She pointed her arm towards the exit, and Malfoy followed it. He tried to take a look over the curtain, but even with his tall body he didn't make it. He sighed.

'' Granger, if Voldemort would be here you would be dead by now. I can assure you that. He wouldn't stand there and wait.''

The thought relieved her, but she was still certain something lurked in the dark. She gave Malfoy a terrified look. He cocked his head aside, and she could hear him sigh a deep sigh. '' Come here.''

Hermione stiffened. She wasn't certain if it was still the piping inside her ears, or if Malfoy just lost what was left of his mind. Maybe she should go and call Pomfrit. Just in case.

'' If you can't sleep alone in the dark without creating drama, then for Merlin's sake! Come here, if it will make you feel better.''

Hermione cleaned her voice. Was he trying to trick her, take a picture, and spread the news all over Hogwarts tomorrow? With him she wasn't sure. He could do everything which fell into his mind, especially when it came to making her life as ill as possible. It was kind of a hobby to him, in addition to Quidditch and messing with every of the girl in and out the walls of Hogwarts.

Hermione thought for some seconds more. Again she heard something outside the wing. A multiple door slamming. She decided that was it.

The line was broken.

If he wanted to take pictures or finally put an end to her, then peace be with him. Praise his will. Her life was more important.

She quickly raised from her bed, and tripped rapidly over to his on her tip toes. Malfoy moved to give her some space, and Hermione quickly disappeared under his duvet. Her eyes closed in fear for a camera to pop up somewhere. Yes, he was making her paranoid. That was proven before.

'' Now, let me sleep and get some sleep as well.'', he commanded as he stretched out an arm she could lean her head at. Hermione's feelings overfilled her. All fear, uncertainty, shyness and nervousness returned. This was wrong. Completely wrong, but she couldn't prevent it. During this times when you didn't even know if death awaited you around next corner or not, she couldn't stand being alone in the dark. Then she would rather get in bed with her enemy. With good distance, of course. Draco lifted up the duvet in one quick movement, and gave her a severely look.

'' And no, I'm not going to fuck you meanwhile. You are not of my type at all, Granger. I don't do that to mudbloods. I like to keep things pure. Find a comfortable position, and sleep. Try not to think about me, or Voldemort, then I can assure you will get some sleep. Well, and don't think about Neville without pants either. That won't make it better.''

There was a teasing, but comforting smirk placed on his lips, which actually made Hermione relax a little. He was good at making people laugh. That is a talent. The tense nerves inside her body let go, and she pulled her head up from the duvet. She thought she looked stupid, laying under there with her head covered.

Then she recalled what he said about her not being his type. Even thought that was a relief, she felt dumbstruck. Was that because she was not good enough for him? Was that what he meant? She suddenly felt something broken inside her. Her confidence. Maybe he was right, that she wasn't his type. She was not of anyone's type. That was why she was still a virgin, and never been into a serious relationship. Except with Krum, but that was just a flirt. Nothing more, actually. Her heart sank down to the bottom of her stomach. She never realized that. Until now.

Her head laid down on the pillow, as she tried to think about something else. Anything. Through all, nothing was completely lost yet. She looked aside, and found herself laying next to a half naked Malfoy. _I'm just a girl, don't blame me!,_ Hermione warned her brain.

The heat from Malfoy's body suddenly made her dreamy. It was filling every negative feeling inside her, and they dissolved into pieces of pieces.

Without controlling her actions, her head found its way to his chest. She was just tired. She took a look on his closed eyes. He looked half asleep, but she was sure he was still aware of her actions because of the small smirk. She studied his appearance. _Yes, I still hate him. But Holy. Buttering. Merlin._

She had to admit to herself that he could play as a sleeping prince in a Hollywood movie, and every girl with a brain watching it: would fall in love. Her palm laid gently down on his naked chest, and so did her head. Hermione closed her eyes. She heard how his heart pumped his pure blood regularly. It was a comforting sound for her ear. His chest raised and sank, as he inhaled and exhaled. Hermione could only feel his presence. Never she thought she would feel so comfortable in the bed of her feared enemy. It sounded absurd, and totally impossible. If anyone told her that just some minutes before, she would throw her head back and laugh until the death came to get her. But no matter how hilarious it sounded, she felt save.

She promised not to sleep on his chest for the whole night. Harry and Ron would kill them both if they found out, and she was certain they would visit her before the classes. She had to make it back to her bed before that, she thought. _Just some minutes. Just some minutes._

She felt a hand on her back, pulling her closer into him. _Never mind._

**XxX**

**05:00 am**

'' Draky?''

Draco woke up from the sound of footsteps approaching him. He looked down. He removed the hair covering Granger's face. She seemed to be completely asleep, with her lashes covering her eyes. Her hand laid lightly on his chest beside his wounded shoulder, and her head was placed just over his heart. Her cheek was squeezed onto his body. The hair was lightly tickling the rest of his upper body. His hand meanwhile, was placed around her back, and now he felt how it was pulling her against him. He quickly released it. How the Merlin did it end up there?

With Granger there was not much he could do. Moving her would mean to wake her up, and that was the last he wanted to after an endless attempt to make her sleep. She needed rest so she could raise up on her feet again, without struggling to keep herself up. The thought of being her personal crutch because of his mistake was not tempting.

'' Draky dear! I...'' Draco looked up from Granger, and straightly over a girl from Slytherin. '' Oh. What is _that _doing here?''

'' I don't know what you are doing here, if it's what you mean.'', he replied in a huff.

Pansy the Parasite observed a sleeping Granger on Draco's chest. Draco knew that reply threw her back into reality of the circumstances around them. There was no ''them''. A simple visit in the hospital wing wouldn't wake up any feelings for her. She held her wand tightly with her hand. Actually too tightly. Draco had the suspicion it wouldn't take long time before it was broken, with the sounds coming from it.

He sighed an annoyed sigh. '' Seriously, it's better if you go to sleep. You will wake her up.''

Pansy raised her nose up in the air, smiling widely. Too widely for Draco's taste. She looked like a shark ready to get some food, with those teeth peering out. Not working attractive. '' So _she_ is more important than _me_? I thought you hated her.'', she squeaked with a tiny voice, while clenching her teeth together.

'' Pansy, don't create drama. I'm not in mood for that.'', he replied harshly. '' And the only reason for why she is sleeping here, is because...'' He stopped, recalling the words of never telling anyone about her fear for dark.

'' She had a nightmare. This is an attempt to make her sleep, believe it or not.'', he finished.

Pansy walked from one spot, to another. If she was trying to hide the growing annoyance and jealousy inside her, she was doing bad so far. It was showing pretty well outside her. She removed the hair hanging down her face, and placed it over her ear. He was afraid she was about to pull it all out, getting balled at the end. Even thought the view of it would be fun to watch.

Draco couldn't do anything more than feel sorry for her. If she really thought he was interested in Granger, then she got some major problems.

'' Why is she better than me?'', she asked angrily, with her hand placed on her waist.

Draco took a look down on Granger, to assure she was still asleep. Her mouth mumbled something quietly, so he deciphered that as a deep muggle sleep.

'' Pansy, there is _nothing _going on between me and Granger. I know it is hard to put into what is left of your brain, but _please, _at least _try._''

Pansy's jealousy was beginning to annoy him, and so did she. She was a burden over his shoulders, thinking he was interested just because of her fitting blood type and her beautiful body shape. Well, yes. Pansy had a body like a Goddess. Her curves was nothing to complain about. That would be as saying Dumbledore in a bikini suit is sexy.

But for Draco there was more needed in a real relationship. For an one night stay, she was perfect. He couldn't give her more than that without his standards getting covered. For a Malfoy there was many things necessary in a woman to keep the pride and their name. That was mostly why Draco never had a serious relationship: there was no one inside the walls of Hogwarts who was good enough. His father would never approve any one of them. There was of course a huge possibility he would approve Pansy, but there was nothing in her which Draco could possibly want.

'' You know, being mean to me won't make you a better person, Draco. And you know, _we are meant to be together._'' She said that in a loud voice on purpose to wake Granger. Draco struggled to keep his arms off Pansy now. It was not on his wish list to make her a next victim, but is she wouldn't keep shut, it would cost him nothing to repeat it. Only the thought of them together made him want to vomit.

'' Pansy, I warn you. If you won't keep shut, I will repeat what I did to Granger. Only this time I will finish my job.'' His voice was low, but harsh, warning and commanding.

Granger began to move her hand, and Draco was afraid he woke her up. But what she did, was just as surprising as hearing Harry Potter sing in front of the mirror, while dancing ballet. She wrapped her hands around his neck, and pulled herself up against him. Draco was aware of that she had no idea of what she was doing asleep, but even with that in mind it surprised him to death. For Draco, this began to look like a night after sex, which was not a comfortable thought in any ways. He moved a little away from Granger to keep a distance.

'' Oh. I see. Just an attempt to make her sleep.'', she said with a annoyed, tiny voice. '' And what did you do to Granger? Give her your love? Well, then you are welcome to finish it with me as well!''

Draco's line was long passed. He even ignored the fact he would wake Granger now. She could get her own sleep afterward. Through all, he was not her bloody servant or something. He removed her wrapped hands, and raised from his bed on whole his height. His muscles were spinning him like a powerful water whirl, and he grabbed Pansy by her shoulders while he pushed her on Hermione's bed. Pansy's feet were dangling into his in a wish to get released, but Draco already made his decision. He laid a hand over her mouth, while still keeping her down.

'' _Love _is not a word fitting me, dear Pansy. I give _pleasure, _not _love. _And I don't know who you think you are to me, but notice this: Granger is nothing more than a tease, and a burden to me.'', he spat out. '' That is the thing you two got in common.''

'' Malfoy! For Merlin's sake, release her!''

Hermione now raised from the bed, seeming more than awake. Her eyes reminded of two black buttons in big size, glancing all over the room. Draco held Pansy down for some seconds more, just to assure she understood his warning. He was not going to tolerate this for the rest of his last year in Hogwarts.

'' Just get out of my sight, Pansy.'' He released her, and left her laying on the bed while cleaning her voice. In an attempt to calm his nerves, he left over to the big windows. Soon it would begin to get light, and that reminded Draco of his biggest problem right now. The problem which no one knew of, and never would. The problem of his forced destiny.

Two days left of being free.

* * *

**Chapter comments:**

Maybe many of you didn't understand the reason for why Draco asked Hermione to join his bed, and why she accepted. That's because like the most of you probably understood: the dark times are at their height, and everything may happen, especially in the dark during the night. Hermione, like explained, is now kind of afraid of the dark, and when she hears those sounds, she just can't keep it anymore. Draco understands she won't let him sleep, and as the only solution he tells her to come over, if that will calm her. Firstly, she thinks it sounds absurd, but when she again hears the creaking sound of a door she understands there is no choice.

So they are still enemies, there is nothing changed between them.

I hope I explained it a little! :)

- Juliakri


	4. Chapter 4

**Forbidden**

**XxX**

**Chapter 4**

'' Good morning!''

Hermione woke up in her own bed. Her duvet laid half way over her wrapped around her legs, and her pillow sank half way down to the floor. If it wasn't for Hermione's subnormally quick morning reflexes, it would have fallen down. She tried to swallow down to get away the feeling of water shortage inside her, licking her dry lips rapidly. Her eyes got opened and met by the sun beams filling the wing. She found her location a lot more comfortable now than in the night.

'' I hope you have slept well. Here you got some breakfast...'' Madame Pomfrit stopped between the curtains. '' Where is Malfoy?''

Hermione finally got able to open her eyes, and found Malfoy's bed empty. She took a look around, but there was no Malfoy to find. Her hand removed her morning hair covering her face. She licked the lip, but answering was already unnecessary.

'' Good morning, Madame Pormit.'', a deep voice said.

Hermione immediately turned away, but he held her back. Better said; the view of him held her back as he showed up between the curtains. His hair was wet. It was done back in a completely gorgeous hairstyle, making his pointed features show more. Some of the water dripped down from his hair, and covered his white shirt collar. The scar on his face showed, but was actually a little smaller than yesterday. Hermione noticed his shirt sleeves to be folded up, relieving his muscular forearms. The heated veins showed through his thin, pale skin. _Merlin._ He looked just like a billboard male model.

Malfoy took an apple from the tray Pomrit held, and fell onto his bed while he took a crunchy bite.

Pomrit sat down her tray, a browned off expression on her face. '' Mr. Malfoy, you will have to eat. Put that away, and take this.'' She sat down his portion of breakfast beside him, waiting until he released his apple. He seemed being in the mood of disagreeing, so far as Hermione could see, but the last second reconsidered to argue and rolled his eyes. The apple found its way to the blade, and he sulked.

'' Miss Granger, here you go. I will check you both after breakfast.''

Pomrit handed over a napkin, and disappeared as quick as she appeared. Hermione removed her warm duvet from her feet, and swung them out of the bed, leaving them to dangle down the bed side. A hand stretched out for her toast, silently putting some strawberry jam over it.

'' I have never seen you eat other than toast with strawberry jam. Are you allergic?''

Hermione stopped her toast just some centimeters away from her mouth. Her face turned to him, and she shook her head in an annoyed expression. '' Frankly, after this night, I think it's best for us both to keep shut and never talk again.''

Malfoy frowned. '' Hermione Granger and keep shut just don't belong together. I am ready to bet. You won't hold the silence for one minute.''

Hermione was biting her inner lip. He was right, she just wouldn't manage it with her need to talk. Her hand holding the toast sank down to her knee. Once again, he won. How did he do that? That is clearly one more of Malfoy's hidden talents.

'' Wow, wow. Hold on-'' Malfoy turned from his stomach to his back, and sat up. His teasing smirk found the way back to his face again. '' So you're jealous?''

Hermione ignored his question, deciding to get back to her toast. Of all the things she could realize right now, she realized she was hungry. Even an annoying Malfoy couldn't make her thoughts go an other way. She couldn't avoid to smile of the thought. Her mind always thought of the weirdest things in inappropriate situations.

'' Merlin, so I was right!'' Draco raised up from his bed in pure enthusiasm. A laughing sound came somewhere from deep inside him. '' I'm so sorry for making you jealous, Granger. Pansy is just such a treat! Delicious. But frankly, she is nothing but a toy for me.''

Hermione felt an unpleasant feeling talking about Parkinson and Malfoy. A fresh flashback from yesterday filled her mind, and she grossed just thinking about it. How he kissed her, how she wrapped herself around him like a snake around its victim. How he began taking off her clothes, one after one, sucking her all over her body, every single spot. Right in front of Hermione's face, on purpose. How she screamed of pleasure, and how he threw Pansy out the door, naked, slamming it right in front of her like if she was trash.

She couldn't believe he was _such_ a jerk. A jerk, yes, but now in such a level! And now he even got the conscience talking about it? She grossed again.

'' I'm not jealous of Pansy. I feel sorry for her, being in love with someone like _you_. It must be worse than falling in love with Crabbe and Goyle together.'' A clear sign of disgust reflected in her voice, but that didn't stop Malfoy. It actually seemed to turn him on.

He playfully sat down on the end of Hermione's bed, leaning his head aside. With the apple back in his hand, he took a demonstrative bite. It made a crunchy sound, and a row of his pure white teeth revealed. Finally putting it away, he slowly licked off the juice remained on his lips. From his upper lip, to his lower, in a highly sexual way. If it wasn't for the fact he disgusted her, she would have probably thrown her clothes off after that.

'' Want to lick off the rest?'', he asked her as he sat himself closer. She didn't notice him to stare back at her while she was busy studying his lips.

Hermione swallowed down. _Yeah, right. He just noticed how you studied his lips. Splendid, Hermione! Well worked._

'' Lick it off by yourself. Or should I get Pansy down here?''

He raised an eyebrow towards her as she said that.

'' Ah, or maybe there is a different one for today. Who shall I get then? Ginny Weasley? Oh, or maybe Luna Lovegood? No wait, wait. Lavender Brown.'', she asked him sarcastic. In her voice was a hint, telling him to sod off as soon as possible.

Draco released a chuckle. It didn't seem like he understood her hint. Or maybe the issue was the wish of not understanding. '' Today it's your turn, Granger. I had the time to think this night, and I actually got this little thought. Why not? I mean, mud can actually tast-''

_Slap!_

A toast with strawberry jam got slapped onto his mouth. Now it was Hermione's turn to laugh. Never she thought a breakfast could be such a spectacle. '' I think it is time for you to eat what you have cooked.''

Malfoy took off the sticky, sweet toast, and leaned forward to lay it back on her blade. Unfortunately, it caused him to lean over her as well, and before she understood what happened, he pushed her towards her bed. In one second he managed to get a hard grip around her, and overturn her body. His arms held her pressed onto the soft mattress. She felt how his strong legs blocked her between his.

Hermione's blood went faster. '' You little pure blooded excuse for a wizard! And you say muggles are filthy? Take a look at yourself! Ugh, you're... you're repellent!''

She let the frustration go, while trying to detach her legs from in between his. He still held her down, not even making an huge effort. Was she seriously that weak? His eyes gain a warm, hot colour, with something new inside them. Something unknown. Hermione couldn't decipher what exactly she saw. His head leaned forward towards her neck. His soft platinum hair rubbed onto her sensitive skin down there, and Hermione understood she lost. Again. No matter how much she tried, he always got the control he wanted.

His strawberry jam-covered mouth was now right over her. Just some centimeters separating. It even smelled the jam, together with a mix of apple. And new washed hair. Hermione could feel his smirk so close, that it was frightening.

'' Lick me.'', he whispered onto her lips.

She turned her head from side to side, alarmed to make him stop, as she clenched her eyes hard together. But no matter what she did, his head followed her everywhere. His reaction was ridiculously fast. Hermione took that as a matter of course. With his background it was necessary.

His grip around her arms was hard. Binding. It wouldn't give her the smallest chance to escape, pushing her veins together. The blood circulation into her wrists stopped.

Her limbs gave up. He was too strong.

'' Don't say you don't want me, Granger. Remember last night? How fast you came to me, laid your bushy head onto my chest? Didn't I feel good against your body, huh?'', he teased her.

His tongue touched the corner of her lips, but she clenched them together into a sprinkle so he would be unable to get in. His warm tongue made a stripe of jam on her lower lip, as he moved to her other corner. She wiggled her head aside, but he again reacted.

His jeans material felt rough towards her sensitive legs, as he moved closer into her. Pushed her longer into the bed. She wasn't aware of still dangling her feet into his, but her straight was long gone. The only thing left of her hard wish to detach, was the slow movements of her feet. She was exhausted.

'' You are a shame to every wizard, Malfoy. A _shame. _Worse than your father!'', she commented while gritting her teeth.

His reply was a playful moan, followed by an cruel laugh sounding sound from deep inside his throat. He now sucked on her closed lips, which gave her an intense pain in the area. He was harsh, hard and as far away from gentle as possible. His hands moved upwards her arms, reaching her shoulders. One of his fingers hooked her pajama, and pulled it downwards, relieving more of her naked skin. Hermione tried to move her shoulder to get it up again, but he held her down.

'' Lick me, Granger. You made this mess, you better clean up.'', he said as he pulled out of his sucking. His silver eyes were still attached to her lips, awaiting her to do as she was told to. Hermione only shook her head, in an multiple attempt to wiggle away. Her spine had an icing downwards. After all what happened yesterday, she was frightened. Terrified. Terrified of what his next step would be like.

'' Revellant, pomous, arrogant moron, just like your father, only worse!'', she said in a low, raspy voice.

Steps filled the wing. They were just around the curtain. Draco seemed to hear them as well, but he wasn't even thinking of releasing her.

'' I will take a check of your health.'', Pomrit's voice said. Draco's arms left red marks on her arms as he pulled away from her. She quickly sat up into her previous position, rubbing off the jam he left on her neck. The last thing she needed was getting questions from Pomrit. From Draco's side, she could hear hushed laugh.

**XxX**

'' Miss Granger, you can leave the wing whenever you want.'', Pomrit said. '' Mr Malfoy on the other hand, will have to stay longer.''

Draco sighed, as he fell back onto his bed again, with his front forward. He left his shirt unbuttoned, leaving his head to rest on his forearms. The new bandage over his shoulder felt unpleasant. Rough, rubbing onto his shoulder for every movement he made.

This whole thing with staying here bored him. His last bloody days as the usual Draco Malfoy, wasted here between four hospital walls. Now also all alone, without any company, even thought Granger couldn't count like company. She was more like '' a tease, being there to get teased.''

Draco rolled his eyes onto his mattress, with his head turned aside. Madame Pomrit left the location, and now he was back and alone with Granger. Only now, it wasn't really necessary. Better to get things back on track and usual again. He already gave enough of his time to that mudblood. His hand reached out for his pillow, but something stopped him from pulling it closer.

He tried again, with more straight this time.

'' Granger, get off my fucking pillow.'', he said in an admonitory voice.

His head turned to check.

His eyes saw something black and long being stomped into it. Not even a sign of Granger. A small pattern on the end of the black stick made him recognize.

His inhale got lost somewhere on its way into his lungs. The muscles of his biceps suddenly felt like jelly, and he released his hand from the pillow. Goosebumps broke out all over his body. A door slammed, and Draco heard a sound of a lock, reverberating in his ears.

Footsteps.

Heavy footsteps walking around, creating an pushing echo all over the location. The location suddenly felt smaller. Claustrophobic. Someone shrieked and cried out in a strong voice, but the strong voice sounded like whisper. No sound coming out.

Draco's heart stopped. Skipped. Restarted, running quicker. His reflex told him to pull his wand, and run. But his mind and logic thought otherwise. There was no choice.

It took much energy to still the quivering of his jelly arms, as he slid down to the floor, and stood raised on his knees. Something hard with a sharp, cold end, got pushed onto his neck, followed by a multiple shriek somewhere from the corridor between the beds.

He looked up to prove himself the obvious.

A pair of brown eyes started at something behind him. If she was terrified, she was professional at hiding it. Her body stood stiff and steady. Not a muscle could relieve her possible terror. A hand was pressed onto her mouth, keeping it closed. Draco couldn't recognize the Death Eater holding her, with the mask covering up his face.

Granger's eyes met his, gaining a begging look. Begging him to get them out of here, alive. Draco's heart got overfilled with blood from the view of her like this. Even thought it was Granger, it was heartbreaking. Even thought she stayed calm, she looked so small. So innocent, so weak. He noticed her knees beginning to shake a little. It crushed him.

He closed his eyes lightly as a reply to her gaze. There was no way to promise anything. Not anymore.

'' Draco. I think you understand what I am about to ask, don't you?'' Lucius pushed the end of his pimp cane harder into his neck, pressing Draco's upper body forward and against the ground. Draco opened his eyes from this abruptly movement, looking down on the tiles in front of him.

'' We all understand. Don't we, father?'' There was a desperate attempt on a hopeless laugh, but the negative aura around him wouldn't let him release it into the air. It was too thick. Too heavy. The pimp cane went a little deeper inside his neck, and his head got bent backwards. The hair whipped his face.

'' Well, then. Your choice is made, isn't it?'', Lucius asked. He pulled away the pimp cane, grabbing Draco's shoulders to pull him up on his feet. Draco's eyes met his fathers.

Hate.

Intense hate between father and son were traded in their fixed eyes. They both knew his answer, not even pronouncing it. The question was just a question asked of formalities. There was nothing called ''no'' in this case. There never was.

'' Release her, and we will talk. She is not a part of it. Appeared at the wrong place in the wrong time. Like always.'', Draco said as he turned his head half way on Hermione. She made a denying sound, wiggling in the arms of a Death Eater this time. It crushed another part inside him. She was not supposed to feel this. Hermione Granger was to pure for that.

Lucius laughed viciously. '' Granger? She is coming with us. A new mission from our Lord. Getting all the mudbloods down into our cellar.''

He walked elegantly over to Hermione. His hand reached out for her, as he stroke her head in an awfully slow way. His fingers moved through her new brushed, soft hair. A louder yell was released into the location, reverberating in Draco's nerves. Her eyes relieved some terror, deep inside her. A new wave of goosebumps filled him.

'' Young, isn't she, Draco? Too young to die.''

A bomb exploded.

Exploded into Draco's heart, sending an intense heat all over his body. A heat of rage, madness and anger. From his heart, to every functional part of him. Like a electric shock, he got back all of his focus and straight.

He pulled out his wand.

Around him gathered multiple Death Eaters, all masked and covered in the same clothes. Seven. Make it nine, actually. But he kept his wand on the one holding Granger. Her eyes told him not to. He ignored her, and straightened his grip around the wand. The sweat of nervousness made it sloppy. He knew this was the only chance to get her away from here. '' Let her go.''

Lucius laughed out again. This time, the other followed his lead. '' A mudblood, Draco? She is worth nothing. Just a disgusting creature, with nothing to do among us, pure blooded wizards. Right, Granger?'' He grabbed her chin, forcing her head to nod. Her eyes got shut with a strong force.

Draco swallowed down the growing anger inside him. '' Then why do you waste your time, father? Why do you waste your time on keeping her here? It's me you want, don't you?''

'' That is right, Draco. You, and your loyalty to the Lord.'' Lucius kept his calm tone.

Draco licked his lips in a nervous way. Nervous for what was awaiting him after this. He just hoped Granger would be grateful for him offering his life.

'' Wait. I still got one day left. Five days you said. Four have passed!'', he suddenly remembered.

A protecting energy filled him, and his mind cleared up from the thick atmosphere in the wing. The logic inside him returned. Lucius frowned. He took a look on the partners around him, but all of them seemed to shrug their shoulders. A harsh look was given from Lucius to Granger. His head nodded an almost unnoticed nod to the Death Eater holding her.

The next second she was released, and pushed straightly over on Draco. Her body fell forward with a big loss of energy, but Draco managed to catch her the last second before her collapse. Her nails buried into his biceps to keep steady. The knees shook under her, almost unable to keep her weight up. Her warm breath was heavy, as she released it into his shoulder. He could feel his shirt get watery. He understood she was now crying, not being able to keep herself anymore.

'' You were right, my son. Tomorrow is the day.''

With these words, Lucius Malfoy disappeared, with the Death Eaters behind him. One after one left the wing, leaving no sign of ever appearing.

Draco left a stunned and shocked Hermione to sit on his bed. He sank down to his knees, so he could get a better view of her. He found her face unusually pale with only her freckles keeping their colour. Her pupils were bigger than the brown around in her eyes. Draco took her shivering hands in his, lifting them up from her knees. His finger tips located a subnormal temperature. She was cold as ice. He lifted them up to him, and breathed over them with his warm breath. Adrenalin pumping all over his body.

He gave her focused eyes a severely look. '' You will freeze to death like that.''

He moved aside to get a hold around his duvet, and wrapped it all around her to make her warm.

With a movement of her shoulders, she shook it off. Draco gave her an interrogative frown. His unpronounced question got answered before he could react.

Her arms wrapped around him.

Still shivering, she burst into cry, shaking onto his shoulder. Her arms held him hard, while her palm stroke the back of his head with trembling strikes. Draco didn't quite know where to place his hands, which were located some place in the air. Her reaction was as shocking as unexpected for him. A new wave of cry burst out of her, with more force this time.

He quickly placed his hands around her waist. Hermione pulled his head against her, leaving it to rest on her chest. He could hear her heart beat with quick, tiny beats, skipping through some of them. Like a drum, out of rhythm. Trying to get back into the song.

He released her, and sat up beside her on the bed. Her hands fell down on her sides, with no muscles left to hold them up.

There was silence for a long time. Only them, sitting close to each other, thinking through the happenings in detail. Sharing their experience in silence. Heavy breathing, released into the air. Hermione's hands were now placed lightly on her shivering knees. She looked on an empty spot in front of her, Draco could see. He understood her. She wasn't used to the times ahead of them. Not used to the dark, the pain, the suffer...

He wasn't either. But he was forced. Forced to grow up quick.

* * *

**Chapter comments:**


	5. Chapter 5

**Forbidden**

**XxX**

**Chapter 5**

Sometimes, Harry wished he could physically slap Ron's face, and give him a good punch in the balls at the same time. If that wouldn't help Ron to grow some real balls, he wished he could do it all over again.

Only with much more force.

To his grief, that could really never happen without giving him huge consequences. Of course he could try talking normally to him, like a man to man. It was just that Ron wasn't of the most understanding types. He wouldn't understand a word of what Harry tried to explain him, just because he wouldn't have the wish of trying.

All the time from yesterday evening, Ron have been talking about Hermione. Hermione's hair, Hermione's lips, Hermione's personality, Hermione's curves, giving too many concrete details for Harry's taste. Harry had no need of knowing how Hermione walk, moving her hips, or how Hermione eat with her lips slowly moving while she is chewing. He found it totally weird talking of Hermione in that way. Through all, she was like a sister to him.

Harry had nothing against discussing girls with Ron. Not at all. Personally, he preferred the girls from Ravenclaw, but he found the other quite attractive as well. But Hermione on the other hand, well... Sure she was pretty and all that, but he didn't feel like thinking of her in that way, much because of the respect and the friendship.

An other thing that changed since yesterday, was Ron himself. He suddenly became poetic and virtuous, something Harry never noticed. He didn't even have the clue of Ron's hidden talents. The new infatuation seemed to work pretty hard on him, Harry noticed.

'' Harry, tell me. Do you think she is interested? I mean, I'm not Malfoy who can get a girl only by looking at her. And like... she isn't in love with Blaise, is she? Wasn't that just a mistake? God, I am confused.''

Ron laid on the couch in the Gryffindor's common room, while sobbing over him probably not being good enough for someone like Hermione Granger. His cheeks were stuffed with homemade chocolate cookies brought to him by his mother earlier this morning, in hope to get in a better mood. Harry's observations told him they didn't help. A sad and uncertain expression filled Ron's face.

Harry sighed. '' Ron, you will have to ask her. I'm not an owl, you know? Neither a fortune teller.''

Ron tilted his head forward so he could watch Harry. His mouth was all covered in melted chocolate. '' But Harry, I can't! I told you that last night. What if she tells me off, and we will never talk again? I mean, I can't risk our friendship unless I am certain.'' In his voice were a huge dose of depression. Deep depression. Serious depression, coming somewhere from deep inside him.

Harry felt sorry for him. It wasn't of his wish to see his best friend suffer because of love, which should be a feeling of comfort, not discomfort. He wanted to help, but pretty much couldn't. He wanted Ron to fix his love life by himself.

Harry leaned on the back of the couch, observing Ron with the eyes under his round glasses. '' What are you planning to do then?'', he asked. '' Because I am definitely not going to ask her for you. She would find it... odd.''

Ron took some seconds to chew on the cookies, before swallowing down. His stomach made a growling sound, probably already having enough of the food. Ron of course ignored it, reaching for the table where the cookies laid.

'' I don't know, Harry! Merlin, help me!'', he cried out while taking a bite of his cookie.

Harry gave up helping for a long time ago. Actually the first second he began falling in love. He knew it would all end up with Ron not even making an effort to ask.

Every time he fell in love, he wandered around telling everyone except the girl. Like that time with Lavender, when nearly the whole school knew, except Lavender herself. She never actually found out about it either. Well, at least not completely. She suspected, but there was never any admissions taking place. Harry found it weird when the whole school knew. In other situations Parvati would have told Lavender everything, but that time she didn't.

Harry could actually remember Hermione to get jealous that time. She was all straightened up when Lavender came close to Ron, ready to scratch her eyes out. It was somehow frightening, when knowing the fact how forceful Hermione can be. But then again, it was a long time ago. Her feelings might have changed a thousand times since then. Harry had no clue if she even was jealous, or if it was just a suspicion. She never told him about being interested in Ron.

'' Ron.'', Harry began as he leaned his upper body forward, resting his elbows on his thighs. '' I suggest you to ask her when she is out of the wing. Ask her about Blaise first, and then go straightly over to the issue.''

Ron's blue eyes got big and watery. '' Harry, I told you, I can't!''

His foot fell forcefully onto the armrest in an frustrated rage. There was a clear dilemma going on in his head, according to Harry's observations. Maybe he would be in need for some puffing-up potions, getting him in better mood. If he planned acting like this around Hermione, he could assure himself she would find out without him saying a word. And that would be much more awkward.

Ron rubbed his ankle, while making sounds which made him sound like a snake. '' Maybe I should send her a note?''

Harry shrugged his shoulders, moving his thighs apart. His elbows fell between them, together with his head following. '' Ron, I have no idea. Personally, I would ask her, as a normal man would do. For Merlin's sake, you are eighteen soon! Grow some balls.''

Ron narrowed his eyes into sprinkles. It was his way reacting to an attack against him. '' I'm sorry for not having the wish of ruining our friendship, then! Damn, Harry. You have no idea of how difficult this situation is. It is much worse than with Lavender. It is a fucking nightmare, which you can't get away from.''

Harry thought about it. He probably didn't know.

'' And Harry? I got balls already.'', Ron added with an offended expression.

Harry wrinkled his forehead towards a confused Ron. '' Look, Ronald. Pull your mind and limbs together, think through this situation, and find an answer. Don't hesitate. You have got all the time you want. If Mione falls in love with Zabini, she will kind of tell us. Until then, take your time to make a properly decision.''

Ron nodded understandingly, raising up into the couch. The cookie crumbs fell down from his chest onto the floor. He gave Harry a thankful look.

For some minutes, there were a comfortable silence filling the room. It gave both Ron and Harry time to think through the problems in their life. A thinking Ron sat in the couch, searching for a solution to his new problem. Harry could almost see his gears working.

Harry on the other hand, felt other problems approaching. He had a tingling feeling somewhere inside his senses. Nothing could possibly decipher it completely, but it felt like a warning. A warning from someone, personally meant to him. He understood that was impossible. Only the close presence of Voldemort could affect him in an equal way. Not even then in this way, but only through his scar. This felt different.

Harry knew it had nothing with Voldemort to do. It was a weak feeling, tingling his senses all over him. It didn't leave him either. Neither was it painful. It just was there, with him, all the time.

Harry walked around, being silent about it. His biggest fear was to wake panic and trouble among the others, just because of a feeling somewhere inside him. Maybe it was just imaginary, all of it. Stress before the N.E.W.T exams.

'' Harry. You know, I tried, but I didn't find the answer. Maybe you can.'', Ron suddenly said. ''Can you tell me what exactly girls find attractive in Malfoy? I mean, he is a pureblooded moron! Who could possibly fall in love with someone who have been snogging half the school?'' His face got back onto his usual severely expression.

Harry sighed a deep sigh. A good question.

Harry would actually agree to pay for an answer to that question. He had no idea what girls found attractive in someone like Malfoy. Not even the smallest clue. Malfoy is a pompous pure blood wizard with a father belonging to the Azkaban, with eyes cold like the winter itself, and clothes as if he was a boring grown up. They were probably costing a fortune, even thought being bad looking. Malfoy would never buy something cheap.

In Harry's opinion it would be better to date Neville. And still, girls found someone like Malfoy attractive. Not Neville. What was he doing to them? Giving them a double dose of amortentia and then obliviate them? Harry had a feeling that would remain as a mystery forever, only for Draco himself to know.

'' Ronald Weasley! Mum sent us cookies, and you didn't leave any of them for me to eat?'', someone shouted.

Harry turned around from the voice of the unexpected visitor. A gingered girl with long hair and freckles. Ginny, of course. Her both hands were located on her hips.

Ron shrugged his shoulders having an innocent look on his face. It made Ginny's freckles pull out of her face, as she narrowed her eyes. Her cheeks were getting darker. Harry released a choked laugh, already sensing a fight between brother and sister.

'' I thought I told you! Never open a package from mum without me!'', she screamed. Ginny grabbed a pillow from Harry's couch, and threw it over on Ron. It slapped him right across the face.

Ron rubbed his cheek, while he held out a warning finger against her. '' You are supposed to behave. Mum expect me to make you disciplined during your time here at Hogwarts. That kind of behavior is not a part of discipline.''

Ginny stomped her foot hard to the floor, while rolling her eyes around. '' Always trying to change topic, aren't you?''

Harry followed this growing discussion with interest. He always found it amusing how quick the Weasley's managed to get into a fight. The only thing needed would be a question or a sentence, and someone among them who disagrees. Then the bomb would surely find a way to explode.

Ginny sat down beside Harry with her arms crossed over her chest. A highly frustrated breath got released from a boiling Ginny.

'' Ginny, calm down! There are more upstairs!''

She immediately lit up, moving impatiently around on her seat. Her thighs wiggled from side to side as she was giving Ron a sign to get them for her. Now it was Ron's time to roll his eyes.

'' You will get them later. I won't raise to get your portion. That will have to wait.'', said a lazy Ron.

All of a sudden, everything got darker.

The light got as sucked out of the common room, and they found themselves sit in a dark location in the middle of the day.

'' What happened to the light?''

Harry took a quick look outside. Out the big window, from where the light of the sun beams stopped shining. His eyes were met by a stormy, dark gray sky, filling the blue and sunny one. An highly unpleasant feeling moved through his body like shivering leafs. The tangling feeling widened inside him. Took much more place. It filled him completely.

Harry slowly raised from his place on the couch.

'' It seem like a storm is approaching.'', Ron said as he lifted his head up against the window as well.

Harry remained standing still. '' Yes. A dark and hard one.''

* * *

**Chapter comments:**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

_The scene in the Hospital Wing continues._

Hermione had no idea what to do right now. How to react, what to say, what to do...

What happened?, was the question roaring inside her head.

What the _fuck _happened.

Through all these days. What happened?

Everything have changed without really changing. One thing after an other made her go out of her daily balance. Right now, she lost her hope of getting back into it.

Just some minutes before, right in front of her own eyes, revealed the first actual sign of a changing time. She was a witness to the whole scenery. Everything just flew past her like a small part of a horror movie, where she was the viewer, unable to do something about it. Unable to do anything about what she saw, what she heard.. It was stuck inside her.

She hated the feeling it all gave her. The terror that got build up inside her every time she thought about it for these minutes of silence. Even thought she knew the time would come, she wasn't yet prepared. Not yet prepared to fight, or go into peace. Not yet prepared to protect her nearest and the most dear to her...

Not yet prepared for anything.

But the most terrifying thing, was what she heard about Draco Malfoy. She heard about his destiny. It was never just a rumor. It was a fact.

Hermione woke up from her thoughts, and found herself looking into a empty spot in the air. She blinked with her eyes several times to make them moist. A small, dry teardrop fell down from her eyes. The last one. Beside her, she felt _him_ sit. Silently and carefully. His silver eyes were distant, and completely out of reach. She could scream all she wanted, but he would probably not answer. His head hung somehow down, but he focused on a spot in front of him.

Hermione understood him. For the first time in her life, she could admit understanding Draco Malfoy. Not his situation, not his pain, not his feelings, but _him_.

He seemed just so real. Right there, sitting how he sat. Opened up, without his usual surface. There were no signs of that arrogant pure blood Malfoy left on him. Only a layer of emptiness. There were no tears, no rage, no happiness. Nothing. Not a single emotion.

She licked her cracked lips to moist them. There were many things that she wanted to ask Malfoy now. Just ask him out and get answers, but maybe she should wait. Her foot dangled into the bed, bringing it back to life.

She should leave him alone.

The tiny voice in her brain, the logical part of her begged her to raise and leave, but her heart refused. There were a magnetic power between them. She could feel the way it ached, and begged her to wait. Wait for something. Something, someone, that was not the important part. The important part was to wait.

Hermione still had her eyes attached on him. Her strong, powerful enemy, who seemed just so weak and fragile right now. There was something gray under his eyes. It contrasted with his pale skin, which now was even paler. Her eyes saw his condition, but her mind denied it. That was not Draco Malfoy.

For her, Malfoy would always be the childish boy, teasing her for her bloodline, appearance and her in general. This new side of him was new, unexplored, and frightening.

Curiosity filled her. Her shaking index finger moved gently and carefully down his straightened skin on his injured cheekbone. Her tip found it unusually soft. Like new silk. But cold. Freezing. It stopped as it reached the scar. The crust of protecting layer felt rough to her skin. Scratching.

She repeated the movement, this time using a little of her straight. She frowned as she watched the finger move slowly down the way to his lips. By her fingertip, she could feel him straighten his muscles all over his handsome features. She continued down to the corner of his lip, having no control over her actions. With a small movement of his larynx, she could feel him swallow.

Her finger tip reached the chance to touch the end of his dark pink underlip. She located a muscle moving inside it, as she continued to the front of it. A strong icing spread from the fingertip, all over her body, as she made it to the front of his lip. He felt just so open, so real, and yet so dead... She wanted to wake him back to life.

After some seconds of holding her finger carefully on his lips, touching them to wake him up, he lifted his hand slowly up to her. He folded it into a fist, but only lightly. Lightly, to get a better hold around it. The touch was the most gentle and caring he had ever given her. His cold upper lip cooperated with the lower to kiss her hand. The silver in his eyes disappeared under his eyelids. Electricity went all over her body, quicker than she could react. Her heart suddenly wanted more. More power. More of his carefulness. More of... _him_.

Her hand went up to his cheek, controlled by his. She let him control her completely. He rubbed it into his with caution as his fingers controlled her. His eyes were still closed as in a deep sleep, but Hermione could now hear him breathe. His breath got heavier, and began losing its rhythm. The inhale and the exhale got irregular as it raised in heaviness. Something inside her got warmer. Warmed up.

Hermione followed him. She closed her eyes, but it was too late. He already released her hand. The electricity he gave to her heart got broken in a matter of a second, with the warm feeling disappearing as if it never existed inside her.

Hermione opened her eyes, confused. She was thrown back to reality. Her eyes found him into a position of nerve gathering. His elbows shook onto his thighs as they kept him up, and his head was thrown forward, looking down. The platinum hair hung down everywhere around his face. Hermione's hand reached out to touch his shoulder, but re considered. She deciphered that as a wish to be alone.

Hermione released a low breath, and raised from the bed. There were nothing left to do. Only go forward, and face everything as it comes.

She began moving forward to the corridor between the beds, but something on her wrist held her back. Hermione turned around as a reflex. Her body got dragged down onto the bed, with the duvet subduing her fall.

The next moment Malfoy placed his body over her, as he with his both hands held her head firmly. He massaged her cheeks lightly with his hands. The fingers moved slowly around in circles. Hermione felt lost into his empty eyes. The silver marbles, rolling down from her eyes to her lips, and up again in an apologizing way. He stopped the soothing massage on her cheeks.

It was silent.

_Time to leave now, Mione! _The warning voice in her brain was too late.

His lips met her with such a force that she wanted to scream. Their lips moved slowly together as one. Their feelings got exchanged as he entered her. Parted her lips with a single movement, as he desperately slid in. Fear, curiosity and need of support filled their kiss. No words needed. This was just so much more.

This was the second time this morning. Only now, Hermione didn't detach. She accepted him. Something inside her realized she needed this as much as him, even thought she could get support other places. The same could he. But that would all be different. Wrong.

'' Worse than my father you said? Take that back, Granger...'', Draco said as he pulled out for a second. His voice was drugged and raspy, but Hermione had a feeling he didn't understand that on his own. His lips were still close to her. It was pure torture to avoid kissing them, feel the heat...

Instead, her hands moved up his new washed hair, from the back to the front. The hair tickled between her fingers. Her heart moved quicker than ever, as she finally stopped them. With her eyes still closed, she nodded a little. Just an approving nod.

'' I take that back.''

She was surprised she managed to utter these words. Her vocal felt as jelly from the force of his kiss.

He moved down to her neck, sucking at the most sensitive spots. His soft tongue touched her skin, leaving the most incredible feeling inside her. The warm breath was near, touching her skin. Hermione had to wiggle with her feet. She felt as she was falling down, being sucked into a deep hole from where she could never get out. It just felt so unreal...

Hermione moved her hands to his chest, to ensure he was there. His chest felt hot, almost begging to get some air. She lost her control. His button got found, and she buttoned up the first one. Inside her, she was shocked of her actions. Something incomprehensible was going on inside her. Like a drug working on her body.

She could feel the change inside him instantly. He repeated her movement, only by buttoning up her blouse. Completely. In a matter of second, he pulled it off her, leaving her there with only her bra.

She could feel him everywhere. All over her chest, all over her stomach... Her hands pulled his shirt from one side to another, desperate after getting more. There were nothing left of Hermione inside her now. She lost her somewhere earlier. A completely different personality overtook her body. A moan got released from her.

'' God, Malfoy... Why are you torturing me?'' The words flew out of her before she could even stop them.

Draco stopped to take a look on her. His head tilted aside.

She continued, with him giving attention. '' We won't talk after this, will we? Everything will get back to normal. Us hating each other. Won't it?''

He released her just as abruptly as he grabbed her earlier. He turned away.

Hermione grabbed her blouse, as she pulled it up her arms with rough movements. That was an answer enough for her.

'' Why did you then do this?''

He turned back to her, with a growing anger in his eyes. '' Because I'm Malfoy. For God's sake, Granger! You started by touching me! Don't come here and tell me I'm the fucking devil here. I just reacted! That is what I do!''

Hermione narrowed her eyes. '' Oh, so you want to play the blame game now? Who touched who, and how many times? Then remember, _you _started it all yesterday!''

'' No. There is no need to blame anyone. It's over and out. Done.''

Hermione shook her head in disbelief. '' No. No, it's not.''

'' So what is left then? You thought there were something between us? Please, Granger! Don't tell me you did!''

She heard him. Somewhere in the background of her thoughts, she heard him talk. Some foul things got uttered. Something about... it didn't really matter. Thrown back to the reality, she felt a hitch inside her heart. There were many things in her life which tested her. Everyday. But right now she felt as she was put on an endless try. An endless try of her thoughts and her actions. How much she could handle on her shoulders before she got a blackout.

Yes, she knew how Malfoy was like. But when it all happened to her, she couldn't possibly believe it. She was _never _used by a boy like this. Never trashed. She was not of the falling in love type either. Never of the type to fall into a boys lap. How could this happen to her then? And of every boy she let Malfoy use her? She felt disgusted with the thought. She should never have began touching him at all. He would always grab the chance, and make her being the fool.

'' -a toy. I can't believe you thought there were something between us. I am the son of my father. A pure blooded wizard. You, on the other hand, you are a mudblood... Damn, Granger! It was all just a big mistake. Officially it never found place. No one will ever find-''

'' I understand.'', she said in a surprisingly calm tone.

Hermione raised from her bed, silent. She walked to her own to find her wand under the bedside, and headed to the exit.

'' Good luck getting the Dark Mark, Draco.''

The sentence found it way into the air, without Hermione cooperating to say it out. She regret it the same second. Her mind slapped her. What was that? She lost her breath on the way out. How low could a person sink? Everything was going wrong inside her. Her reactions and actions against Malfoy shocked her as she thought about it. How could she live with this in her mind?

Then she realized one more thing. For the first time she called him Draco. Not Malfoy, but Draco. _  
_

She turned around with regret in her eyes. Draco seemed to be speechless, just looking at her with his mouth half open. The wish of hurting him, proving him wrong, and trash him back like he trashed her found the way back into her. Bitterness, anger, frustration and regret of her actions.

'' And no. I never thought there was something between us. I'm glad there isn't, and never was.''

X

Draco watched Hermione as she walked away. Inside him, his heart stopped. The words she uttered found their way into him. They slashed what was left of his functional part. The feeling of getting rejected like that was not familiar to Draco. Even not by Granger, even if that was the right thing. Malfoy's didn't work well with rejection. Actually, they didn't work with rejection at all. She took it too easy for Malfoy's taste. He wanted her to beg him, but she acted against his will. It made him furious.

A storm of conflicts and problems began to fill Draco's mind.

He quickly raised, as he shouted out: '' Don't you ever think of talking to me! Never more! You fucking, filthy mudblood!''

His body fell to the bed, with no energy to keep up anymore. A mess of agitation was going around inside him. Granger made his life even more complicated than it was, if that is even possible. One, she knew about it. About the Dark Mark. She could use it all against him. She could use every fact she knew against him.

Two, she called him Draco. Even thought the name sounded beautiful on her lips, she wasn't supposed to. For her, he was always Malfoy. One thing no one could take away from him, was the fact that he was the son of his father. A prideful Malfoy heir.

And three. The worst fact. She kissed him. Twice through these three days. She stuck her tongue inside _his _mouth, which was almost the same as ensuring the dead. It was all _forbidden. _Too many contrast separated them from each other. This was completely different from every other cases when he kissed a girl. Half bloods, pure bloods... but mudbloods... No. Never. This was _ill. _Ill for both him and her if it got out in public.

Draco closed his eyes to clear things up in his mind. The thoughts buzzed around inside him, giving him no peace. Too much to deal with at once, even for him. One thing, sure. Two, why not. But this, this was an army of things. No matter how strong he was, and how used he was to deal with problems, this was too much to handle on his own. Help was nowhere to get either.

He had to admit it once again for himself. No matter how difficult it was, and how much it spoiled his pride, it was inevitable. He lost the control he thought he had.

The small part which was left inside him yesterday, was now lost as well. He had to find a way, which could show him what to do. Show him how to face all the demons building their way inside him. His head rolled around from one side to another of the mental pain caused inside him. He felt like he was being choked. Choked, and he couldn't fight back. There is no one else to fight than himself.

One day left of an independent person. A lifetime of a slave to the Dark Side in front of him.

And Granger. The inevitable problem in front of him. The dangerous enemy just got even more dangerous.

_._

_9:00 pm_

Draco woke up from his deep sleep. He rubbed his face to get a clear view of the location and the surroundings around him.

_The wing._

He pressed his head together from both sides. Now as he was completely awake, the problems returned to him. Pressed his brain painfully from all the sides.

'' Finally.''

Draco opened his eyes, and found Snape sitting on his bedside. He raised his torso up from the bed to a sitting position. A quite unexpected visitor for Draco's taste. Even thought Snape was his father's closest friend, and Draco's most supporting teacher in Hogwarts. By the expression on Snape's face, Draco understood this was a business visit.

'' What time is it?''

'' 9 pm.'', Snape replied in a low, barking voice.

'' Did my father send you?'', said Draco getting straight to business.

Snape shook his head. His hand found its way into the pocket in his robe, as it handed over a small bottle towards Draco. '' Before we talk, drink this.''

Draco accepted the potion, holding it in his hand. He opened up the cork closing the potion, and it relieved a silvery vapor into the air. He looked up on Snape with a questioning look.

'' Draught of Peace, Draco.'', Snape barked quietly. He took a look around in the location, ensuring other visitors.

Draco shrugged his shoulders, having nothing against some mental peace. The anxiety and the agitation inside him would not stop otherwise. That he understood for a long time ago. He pressed the opening onto his lips, and sipped every drop of the potion into his throat.

'' Well?''

Draco swallowed down the last drops of the liquid. '' Well what?''

'' Will you accept the Lord's offer?''

Draco grinned, as he released a laugh. This nightmare didn't seem to have an end. Even if it did, it was somewhere out of reach for him.

He cleaned his voice. '' Do I have a choice?''

Snape rolled his eyes. '' Only by dead.''

'' Then why do you ask?'', Draco asked in return. If the answer was obvious, there were no reason to ask about it.

He suddenly felt the headache disappear. What a feeling of relief. Every problematic thought inside him broke, and a feeling of endless peace sailed into his body. He associated it with those bright times in his life, when no Dark Marks, no pride and no mudbloods did matter.

'' It will cause you even more pain if you walk around thinking about it. This situation is inevitable, and you know that. You got time to accustom yourself with the thought, luckily for you. The others didn't.''

Draco frowned. '' I still don't see your point.''

'' My point is, take it as it comes.'', Snape hissed silently. '' No need to wander around, thinking about it as you do. Do you think I haven't noticed your worries?''

With Draco's usual behavior back, he couldn't avoid to roll his eyes around. Even thought he was in the mood of disagreeing when it came to the Dark Mark, and actually everything he disliked, he understood it would only cost him time. And time, was the thing there was least of. '' Fine.''

Snape nodded his head, giving him a thankful look for cooperating. '' Pomrit said you could leave the hospital wing now. Go out and enjoy the time you got left.''

.

Draco found himself a place on the fourth floor balcony. Around him, everything have gotten dark already. He was aware of the fact that if he would be spotted by this nights patrol now, there would be points taken from Slytherin. But it was not like he cared. This was the last day of freedom, and he was going to make this count.

With the potion still working properly on his body, Draco leaned against the wall. The bottle of cognac rested tightly against his dry lips. He sipped gluttonous of the burning liquid. Deep, well- through out sips. It ran deliciously through his throat, leaving tasteful spots all over his throat and tongue. The tip of his tongue caught the last drop left in the bottle, and it ran through him like firework. His cold toes suddenly felt warmer, and he could finally feel his heart moving. A grin of perfect, white teeth got revealed, shining even brighter than the moonlight outside. Cool night air filled the air around him.

Just now he got the chance to think how crazy these days have been. And now he was sitting here, with three bottles of alcohol in his hands. Life is unpredictable, really. There is nothing you can know for sure. One second you think like this, the other otherwise.

Draco released the empty bottle. It made an echo through the corridor of glass meeting stone. He could already feel the alcohol work on his nerves. It made every problem inside him into an experience of pleasure.

His brain thought about Granger. Technically, he _couldn't_ control his thoughts anymore. The strong mix of the potion and alcohol controlled him fully and completely, with him not even making an effort to stop it. It felt good to not straighten. Just sail through everything with something or someone else showing him the direction.

_Merlin. _Hermione Granger, the Gryffindor princess, the stalwart Head Girl of Hogwarts, giver of pinched and hating looks, the lover of the library, member of the Golden Trio, with the messy, brown hair...

He closed his eyes. The smell of her hair filled his senses. Vanilla flavored shampoo. The flashback which he so hard tried to forget flew through him. Her small, fragile index finger touching his lips in a way like no one ever did before. How he couldn't avoid touching her back, grabbing her hand, rubbing it into his cheek, desperate after support from whoever it was... Her hand felt just so soft into him. So warming.

Holy. Dear. Merlin.

He was beginning to lose his plot completely. Here he was, spending his last hours of peace and pleasure by sitting alone in the dark with three bottles of alcohol and thinking about Granger, with the most annoying personality ever befouling a person.

_Bloody hell. It's officially. You have lost your plot, my dear_, the voice inside his brain said.

Yeah, right, logical brain. Welcome back. Where were you when I fucking stuck my tongue inside Granger's mouth?

Pushing aside the thought of Granger from his temple, he grabbed the second bottle and began sucking at it as if it was an ice cream. The taste of cognac returned him into the state of deep inner peace.

_Tomorrow everything will change, Draco. Every problem will dissolve, getting solved by your new life. No reason to worry._

Chapter comments:


	7. Chapter 7

**Forbidden**

**XxX**

**Chapter 7**

Hermione poked her spoon into the lightly gray porridge. Her eyes followed the pattern which was created by the spoon when she stirred it to make it colder. Hot steam got released from it into, and she followed it emptily into the air.

'' Hermione?''

Hermione didn't notice that Ron was speaking to her until he pushed her shoulder. '' Everything fine? Are you feeling ill again?'', he asked her apprehensive. Hermione released a breath into the porridge as she sought for an answer among her lies.

_No. Actually I'm not. I'm panicking. I'm crushed, confused, ill, hurt, and a growing dilemma of thoughts is going around inside my head. I'm wandering around, being terrified of what will happen if someone finds out. Everything I have worked for, will fade into pieces! My moral, my logic, my reputation, my pride..._

_And yeah, if that isn't enough, I actually took the initiative to touch him yesterday. He kissed me right away. Yeah, just pressed me into the bed and kissed me. My reflex reacted back. I couldn't control myself. That was the biggest mistake of my life. Not sure how I survive with this all in my tiny brain, if you are interested. Oh, and of course the fact that my head won't stop hurting. The only thing remaining is a flu, and a pain in my arse. You know, just to make my life better. Nothing else, thanks_.

'' Yeah. Sorry, I was away for some minutes,'' That was all Hermione replied. She gave Ron a watery look. '' I'm fine. Nothing to bother about.''

Ron nodded, getting back to his fried eggs. The fork got pinched into it, and with rapacious bites he ate it up, leaving some of the yellow yolk on his lips. The rest, he simply licked off by a quick movement of his tongue. Hermione returned to the empty staring into her porridge.

Merlin. Never before she felt such helpless as now. She couldn't deny what happened, neither could she beg her friends for help. There was a time when she had a problem and she could go to the sanctuary of the library for help. But most likely, there were no books in library named ''How to avoid a pompous Malfoy heir'', or '' What to do when a repellent Slytherin wimp, and a childhood enemy kisses you.

Merlin how he _loved_ getting under her skin. And this time, he was actually succeeding, flipping her over on the side of disaster. Right now, her life could be summed up as a wrong mixed potion, giving more side effects than pleasant ones. Deathly if not used with caution.

Okay, Hermione, she told herself. From now on, you will do exactly what he told you to. Never talk to him, and avoid everything he throws into your way. Two and a half months left of school, Mione. Then you will split ways. You can make it. Don't let him treat you like a damn dog. He is not an innocent baby! Don't feel sympathy for him. Think about everything he has done to you, your friends and others, from day one until now.

Ignore him, like he never existed. Believe me, that will be the best for both of you.

With that problem somehow worked out, Hermione's mind returned to the biggest problem. What will happen if someone finds out? It was all ill enough when being secret, but it won't to handle if it gets out to public. Her logic told her Malfoy would never tell. It was as ill for him as for her if the public heard about this. They both agreed it to be a enormous mistake. But what if he finds a benefit in it all? What if he tells it to make her collapse completely? He knew how much she strove to get where she stands today. What if the tempting thought of spoiling it all for her reaches his God damn intelligent mind?

_Hermione, you can't get that paranoid. Control your emotions, for God's sake. It's your last year. You are eighteen, not two. Get your mind in order, and keep calm. _The logical part of her spoke again. Luckily for Hermione, it worked calming.

Not until now she discovered Ginny talking to her. _Oh God, they will begin to suspect something. Focus, Hermione! _'' Aren't you going to eat?''

Hermione stopped the stirring, noticing the porridge to be cold already. She sighed as she released the spoon. Her appetite was long gone. If it ever appeared. '' No. You can have it if you want. I think my eyes were hungrier than my stomach, to be honest.''

Ginny nodded kindly, reaching for Hermione's blade from the other side of the table. Hermione looked up from her blade to hand it over. When she lifted the eyes to take a look at the surroundings, she noticed something familiar behind Ginny's shoulder.

Merlin.

Draco Malfoy was looking straightly in her direction.

His bright eyes, studying her face piece by piece as if she was an experiment object on his table. The bright, straight hair falling down the curves of his handsome face, with his head supported by his hand right under his chin. He knocked the breath out of her. For how long have he been watching her? Merlin, what if somebody noticed?

Panicking filled her all over the body. He noticed how she was staring back, and his eyelids fell down looking on the dark, wooden table. He turned his head in an other direction to avoid any form for eye contact. Somewhere over to Pansy and Terrence.

'' Hermione? Earth calling!'' Ginny waved at her.

Hermione didn't notice Ginny to say her name._ Not again._ For how long have she been gone? Did anyone suspect anything?

Startled by Draco's stare, Hermione almost lost her blade with porridge down on the lightening candelabra, but the last second her hand found a way to balance it. Ginny quickly reacted, receiving it in her hands. She put the blade down on her previous and dirty one, wiping the small drop of porridge hanging on the periphery of the blade. She observed Hermione from the corners of her eyes.

'' You look pale.'', she commented.

Now the conversation got back Harry's attention as well, who just stopped staring down on Lavender's breasts under her red bra. It practically shined through her transparent scholar blouse. Hermione found it strange. How could girls act so cheap? She took a quick look down to assure her being buttoned fully up, remembering to be pressed by the time this morning.

'' Are you sure you are fine?'', Ron asked her again. His brows were snapped together in a suspicious way, as he looked over at her while she corrected the collar on her blouse.

Hermione gave them all a browned off look with annoyance. It was not their fault, but she couldn't keep it. She had too many demons to deal with right now to bother them with her false answers. '' Yes. I'm sure.''

She looked away from her awkwardly staring friends, and down the Gryffindor table. Neville, as usual, was yawning over his toast, reading the new edition of The Daily Prophet. In addition to him, she noticed Parvati, her Ravenclaw twin sister and Lavender chuckling about something. She could hear some phrases like ' snogging Millicent' and ' never do that'. Never too early for morning gossip, is it?, she thought with a smile on her lips.

Further down there she could see some first and second graders, engaged into a conversation of which Hermione had no energy or simply interest to understand. It was like using energy to listen to Ron while he stuffed his face with food. Easier said: No point.

Somebody poked her shoulder.

'' Are you coming with us?'', Ron asked her.

Hermione turned back to face him with an interrogative expression in her eyes. '' Where?''

Ron rolled his eyes, as he swung his feet to the other side of the bench, ready to leave. He made it look like the answer should be obvious for her, but really: it wasn't. Not for her mind, which was stuffed with all kind of skeletons. '' To the Defense against the Dark Art class, of course. It's Wednesday, 'Mione.''

He packed his books and parchments together, as he gave her a severely look. '' Of all the people, you should know that.''

.

After the class, Hermione raised quickly from her place in the front to meet her friends outside. Surprisingly, she almost began screaming in a desperate need to get out during this class. It wasn't that it was boring or exhausting. Snape had the ability to convey things in an interesting way, and make it easy to understand at the same time. It was just the giggling from the Slytherin's table from behind that made her desperate. To be more concrete: the small unobtrusively fact of that she wasn't aware of what or whom they were giggling, made her desperate. She couldn't turn around to check either. That would be to act like a curious little dog, running to its owner once being whistled at. It was pure punishment. She just hoped Malfoy didn't turn around his tongue and told everything around the circumstances yesterday. It would mean the end before the beginning.

She packed her parchments and books in a huff to gain the ability leaving quick. With Ron's behavior to dawdle, she knew this would be a big mission itself. She was just about to beg them hurry up and pack, but apparently the words didn't have their chance to get pronounced.

'' Granger.'' A familiar, deep voice of arrogance said from behind. She recognized it the same second. Today it sounded calm and composed. It made Hermione immediate suspicious. Right now, there was nothing about him which wouldn't.

Hermione lost her words out in the space, just standing there with her mouth half open, like a fool.

_Obviously not quick enough, Hermione_.

'' What do you want, Malfoy?'', Harry asked for her, studying Draco's appearance from top to toe. He pulled up his glasses with his index finger to get a better view.

Draco smirked. '' Oh, that's interesting. Didn't recall you to be Granger, Potter.''

Ron finally managed to pack up his things, and now stood among them as well. To Hermione's grief, he was just too late to avoid this contact. Some Slytherin's passed them, giving Draco some kindly smiles. Draco returned them with such a radiate charisma, that it was enviable. He gave a last smile, before taking a look back on Harry.

'' Malfoy, just shut up. Leave, and save us from your words of a moron.'', Ron said with fatigue.

Draco revealed a perfect row of white teeth. Hermione wished there was something in between them making him look disgusting and ugly, but that was obviously too much to propose. He was now smirking with all the teasing ability he got. It was absolutely flawless. It annoyed her that an arse like him could be just _so _perfect. The whole_ he_ annoyed her. His behavior was again back to the usual pompous Malfoy. There was definitely something strange going on. How could Malfoy change past one night?

Hermione assumed it to be because Malfoy wasn't a normal boy, or human being. Her theory was that he was something between an alien and a human. She didn't get didn't 'get' him at all. Through these days, she thought she had deciphered every of his personalities. For instance, that he was quite capable of being as vicious and cunning as they all assumed him to be. That was not a lie of instinct. And then there was that intelligence, and an arrogance that could be as charming as it was destructive and enviable. Together with his well developed sense of humour, she thought she had already summed up Malfoy in some sentences.

But no. It seemed like there was no end to how many surprises and impossibilities he could bring.

'' You know, Weasley, I will tell you this now as I got my chance. Your sister is one of the sexiest damn girls I have ever seen. Seriously. Shapes like a Goddess.'', Draco said in-matter-of-factly.

Ron went predictably red in the face, beginning to shake and shiver like boiling water. Hermione gathered the small tickling in her toes, telling her they should leave immediately.

'' I think -''

Ron waved her off, almost hitting her right in the middle of her face. It didn't seem like he noticed it himself, but Hermione was just quick enough taking a step back. Ron's hand fell down, and he took a step towards Malfoy, as he narrowed his eyes. Hermione stiffened. He obviously thought otherwise than she did.

'' If you say one more word about my sister,'' Ron said as he was pointing a finger shaking of anger towards Draco. '' I promise. I will smash everything of which the girls call 'sexiness' out of you.''

Draco seemed to be unimpressed, snapping his eyebrows in a deadpanned way. '' Sure. Go on, then.''

He took a challenging step towards Ron as well, tilting his head in a gracious manner. His eyes were calm and cool, awaiting him to attack.

Hermione always wondered if all of the boys in Slytherin had those genes of elegance, or if it was just her imagination. It was just that every time she studied a boy from Slytherin, they all had those beautiful shapes of walking, moving and talking. Well, of course, _nobody _topped Malfoy. That was just simply impossible.

In concentration of her thoughts, she noticed herself to stare oddly at Malfoy, and quickly removed him from the shield of her vision.

'' Another time, you scum.'', Ron replied, gritting his teeth. His hands were transformed into to two admonitory knots.

This was getting intense and unpleasant, Hermione decided by the feel inside her toes. Harry was holding Ron's over pressured, red hand back from knocking the life out of Draco, while Draco was as good as offering them all to put an end to him. He was kind of succeeding as always. Hermione almost gathered the wish of giving him a knock or two. _Almost._

This was all just so solid, so well-planned, that Hermione gathered a suspicion of Malfoy planning this all the night. He knew just what to say in what time. Or maybe it was just the way he was. Finding the right words into the right times.

Even thought it would be interesting to see the next step in a spectacle of Malfoy, Hermione decided that it was time to put an end to it before something happened. She was the stalwart Head Girl, and had all the responsibility here, even thought Malfoy was the prefect of the Syltherins. He was not mature enough to stop, and her friends didn't seem to have that wish to stop. Just when she opened her mouth, she got interrupted again.

'' You know,'' Malfoy said as he began wandering around in the classroom. He interrupted on purpose, she thought while clenching her teeth together.

Gracious steps filled the echo inside the classroom. Hermione struggled for some seconds to keep him out of her vision perrifery, but without realizing it, she was back with her oddly staring. Her eyes followed his black polished shoes as they moved down to Snape's desk. Pure, accurate elegance got demonstrated to all of them. His fingers were lightly drumming into the pale skin on his muscular forearm.

'' I wonder what would have happened if I told you I could snog her. She is a sexy pureblood. Probably good in bed. Just what I need.'' He rolled swiftly on his heel to check Ron's reaction.

Hermione heard how Ron released a deep, enraged breath from the bottom of his lungs. A signal of insensitivity got released into the air, with Ron probably not even being aware of it.

Malfoy just started a war.

Ron laughed out a small laugh, pushing his foot willingly from the ground. He was ready to throw himself fully over Malfoy, with all the force he got under his Gryffindor robe. A hitch of fear stuck inside her. An enraged Ron was a dangerous Ron, but an enraged Malfoy was even worse. That she could tell from her small scenarios these days. Only now she wasn't sure. Was he going to kill Ron, or kiss him?

Hermione slapped herself, thinking of this sarcasm as an obvious thing not to think of. Especially not right now, in this situation. God curse her mind, which had its own will every time. When she thought about it, it tempted to make it happen, and then humiliate him in front of the whole school. Hermione slapped herself again. She even wished it was physically this time. Maybe she could tell Malfoy of this thought, and he would do the slapping for her.

The developing things woke her up to life again.

Everything happened so fast, that she couldn't even notice all the things buzzing in front of her eyes. Ron detached from Harry's grip, which was too light for this situation, and slid on the foot to get some speed. Before Hermione could utter a word, she was the witness of Ron being stumbled to the floor of the classroom. Draco's hand was placed around Ron's throat in a fierce grip, wiggling his head aside with confidence.

'' I told you once, Weasley, and I will tell you twice. Don't mess with the ones who are stronger. A good piece of advice.''

Hermione almost began laughing when he uttered that. It amazed her how his humor reflected even here, with rhyme in the sentence. But that was an multiple almost. She would never admit him to be funny in any ways. Not even with her head on the guillotine.

Harry was already on his way to rescue his friend from Malfoy, but it was unnecessary. He already released Ron, not as much as showing an attempt to give him severe injures. Hermione once again got knocked out, just glanced from Ron to Malfoy, and back to Ron again. How could he suddenly play so controlled? Impossible.

There were plenty of potions existing in the wizarding world, but Hermione couldn't recall anyone having such of abilities. He couldn't possibly just change into the previous controlled, arrogant Malfoy. Not just like this in a day. It would take time for a normal person, even if using puffing up potions. But then again, Hermione recalled her observations. He wasn't in the group called 'normal'.

Harry helped Ron back to his feet again, giving Draco a deathly glare from under his glasses. Draco rolled his eyes in return, beginning to walk around in the classroom again. Everyone seemed to know what to do, but Hermione on the other hand, wasn't sure how she was supposed to react. Scared, shocked, happy, angry or simply confused? The answer wasn't really useful. She was as good as glued into the floor, trying to recall everything that just happened in front of her eyes.

She was simply amazed by the transform of Malfoy, at the same time as confused about it. In addition to that, she wanted to give him a punch or two for trying to hurt Ron. And knock some sense into Ron's brain.

'' Let's go, Hermione. Malfoy obviously need a rehab.'', Ron said raspy as he stomped towards the exit. '' You're dangerous for our society, Malfoy! That's proven! Merlin! McGonagall and Dumbledore will love to hear about this!'', he shouted from the corridor in now something which sounded like vicious excitement.

It wasn't very persuasive. Hermione knew that was just some empty words, never being pronounced in front of anyone. What happened here, did never happen in public.

Malfoy cleaned his voice as he listened to Ron's declaration from outside, correcting his Slytherin tie from one side to another. His face was deadpanned. He moved his hand slowly over it to make it hang perfectly over his chest. When he was satisfied, Hermione was met by his lightly gaze the second time this morning. In return, he received a pinched look. It wasn't like he could make up for all the things he have done now. It was all lost from day one, and even further after the recent actions.

If she would remain controlled, maybe he would leave. Maybe he would even leave now, after receiving his daily pleasure of teasing innocent people. One could always hope.

'' Did you notice Weasley to stare at your breasts during the class?''

Hermione sighed. Guess he needed more to accomplish his doze.

She bit her inner lip to not throw herself over him like Ron did. Her goal was just keeping focused and controlled. It wasn't in her plans spending the rest of this year in the Hospital Wing. Neither to show her emotions.

'' No, I didn't. But it seem like _you _noticed such a thing.'' Hermione crossed her arms in front of her chest, observing him under her pinched gaze.

Her derision was lost on him. '' Yeah. I was just about to send an attractive smile to Lavender, when I noticed your boyfriend staring.''

He nodded his head a little towards Hermione's breasts. She straightened her arms to cover up more of them, feeling uncomfortable by his head movement. What was he playing at?

'' He is _not_ my boyfriend. And frankly, its' not like it is any of your business, Malfoy.'' Hermione blinked her eyes to focus, and get back to the business. No need to lengthen this punishment, staying here with him in the same location, breathing the same air, interacting with him... Best to get things over and out, if this situation was inescapable anyway.

'' What do you want? You didn't stop me for nothing.'', Hermione said with bitterness in her voice.

To be honest, she didn't have the smallest clue of where he suddenly gathered the wish of talking. Just yesterday he told her to never speak to him again, and now he took the first step against his previous will by doing the opposite. The mind of Draco Malfoy was as confusing as Longbottom in potion classes. Not like that was any news to Hermione, and still. He just wouldn't stop surprising her.

Draco took some steps to Hermione. He didn't say anything. Not a word. He was thinking, which was frankly much worse. He gazed at her from underneath his frowning forehead, she could see. The light inside his eyes revealed him. His tongue quickly licked his dry lips to moist them, while he was figuring out what exactly to say. Her eyes rolled from the eyes, to his licking lips, and back to his eyes again.

'' I just want to settle some things up.'' He took a deep breath, while taking a multiple step against her.

Hermione leaned her body on the desk behind her, before she turned her golden-curled head back to face him again. She was listening to his explanation on things, hoping to get one for herself.

'' It have been... deviated. You know everything about it.'' He released a laugh from nowhere, while rubbing the back of his head. She just wished he wasn't that good looking while doing it. God damn, to much to beg for. Completely platinum flawless hair. How is that even possible? No, he must be an alien, Hermione decided with confidence.

Not even Harry got that spark. And Harry was of the good looking type ever since their third year. Every girl in Hogwarts realized that, being envious of the good relationship between Harry and Hermione. If it wasn't for him being Hermione's best friend, she would have fallen for him. The dark black hair, and the light green eyes were contrasted together with his light skin. Telling he wasn't handsome, would be to tell a big lie. And Hermione simply didn't lie.

'' I just want to assure you won't tell about what you heard in there. You know...'' His eyebrow lifted.

She rolled her eyes, while taking a look down on her shoe. Much better than watching him, the prince of perfection. '' About the Dark Mark, you mean?''

'' Oh, the mudblood remembered! Will wonders never cease?''

Hermione wasn't sure. Was that an insult, or simply a new way of Malfoy's teasing?

'' Never passing up the chance being an arse, do you Malfoy?'' She decided to answer in an equal way to his.

Draco smirked maliciously. '' Of course not. That is what I strive for.''

A moment of silence filled the atmosphere.

'' Only on one condition.'', she said after getting some time to think. She found an advantage for her in what he requested. She needed a warranty. A prove that the sticky, disgusting fact about them never got snapped out by Malfoy's cruel mouth.

'' And?''

'' You won't tell a living soul about what happened between me and you.'', she replied cool.

With the expression on his face, she realized she might have well told him that there were a lot of books in the library.

'' Granger, dear old Granger. Do you _really_ believe I would possibly tell _anyone _about what happened in there? Wouldn't it be a better option for you to claim a chocolate frog instead? Or maybe a lollipop?'' He gave her a narrowed eye look with something which sounded like sarcasm.

Hermione made a frustrated tone. '' I just need a warranty. With your need to find a benefit in everything, it wouldn't surprise me if it all appeared on the front page of The Daily Prophet a beautiful morning in the future.''

Draco sighed, as he rolled his eyes into the back of his head. Hermione gathered a suspicion they wouldn't come back after this, getting stuck somewhere on their way. On one hand, it would make her happy. Then he wouldn't longer be some damn perfect, and she wouldn't longer be in need to tell herself he looked so damn handsome every time he appeared in front of her eyes.

Hopefully anyway.

'' You are either paranoid, or just really, really dumb. Luckily for you, I don't see you as a dumb person like Pansy or Goyle, for instance, so I assume it to be the paranoid part.'', Malfoy said in a speculative tone.

Finally he showed one of the characteristics which Hermione could actually somehow come along with. It was not the Arrogant Arse Malfoy Prat as usual. This was the ' the golden student'. Yes, believe it or not, he was on the top five students, laying ten points over Parvati, and just two points below Hermione herself. Surprisingly, she had never seen him holding a book. Not once. It shocked her, at the same time as it impressed her. It was again back to the theory of him being an alien. There was no doubt, collecting the facts.

Hermione snorted. This thing about her not being dumb was probably one of the nicest things he had told her during her lifetime here on the Earth. Thank God he didn't comment her bloodline somewhere in there. She imagined him saying something like: You are a mudblood, therefore you are paranoid. Something completely meaningless, which he made sound beautiful and logic just by the way he spoke. He could get far as a businessman with a such ability to talk, she thought silently.

Nevertheless, she continued with her bitterness, now resting her hands on her hips.

'' You don't know me, Malfoy.''

He shrugged his shoulders. '' I know you enough to tell you that you are befouling the most annoying personality that can ever befoul a person. And enough to tell you that since the day you stuck your tongue far down into my throat, you have been a pain in my arse.''

Hermione snorted twice, stomping her foot on the floor. Now _this was _insulting. He went all from somehow polite, back to a complete moron. And how could she _possibly _be a pain in his arse when she didn't even touch it? Ugh, how he disgusted her. More and more for each day passing. How she wanted to smack the life out of that face...

'' You loathsome, evil little excuse for a wizard! I thought we just agreed to never mention that again!'' She turned her face around, not able to hide her disgust anymore.

Malfoy smirked sardonic. '' You are welcome.''

It took Hermione much effort and strength before she won over her reluctance of not turning her damned head around on Malfoy. She should have never done that. His pose had changed, and Hermione wasn't sure if Malfoy was aware of it or not. But in this pose, he looked just simply sexy. Every straight, normal girl would have agreed, sickling over him with hearts in the eyes.

His face looked half way up on the wall with the eyes reflecting the surroundings, while his hand...

Cursed Merlin.

His hand was resting on his upper thigh, while the tips of his long fingers were placed just above the delta of his pure black pants. Her eyes strayed down there on their own accord, staring right over _there_. Right _there_.

Well, it seem like the wing can't be avoided, Hermione thought with horror and despair.

Well worked, Malfoy. You have finally made me lose my plot, and the rest of my morals.

* * *

**Chapter comments:**


	8. Chapter 8

**Forbidden**

**XxX**

**Chapter 8**

'' Anyway, was that it? Can I leave now?'', Granger asked annoyed while drumming her fingers impatiently on her hips.

Draco woke up from the odd trance the wall had given him, and turned around to face Hermione. She was looking away from his periphery, with some of her thick, golden curls covering her face. He studied her remaining, open skin closer. Was that a blush on her face?

Draco found this as an opportunity to embarrass her. He knew this was vicious and cruel, but being nice and ignore it would take just too much energy, and at this point he was suffering from not getting his daily dose of hexing people. Hexing Ron wasn't as fun as he thought it to be. He needed more. In addition, it was always amusing how quick he could get under the puffy haired girls skin, and make her go annoyed, snappy and sort of twitchy without even putting much effort in it.

'' Are you blushing?'', he asked with a smirk.

Hermione now turned completely away from him, getting twitchy, just as expected. She snorted twice, before shaking her head. _Well, that's an interesting observation of facts._

'' So you are telling me,'' Draco took some gentle steps against her, moving lightly on his feet. '' that you are _not _blushing at all. Don't you?''

Hermione nodded with her curls following, still being silent. This side of Granger interested him. The silent side. It was unexplored, and interesting. He wasn't used to her keeping shut. An average Granger would have thrown a book in his face, and shouted something baffling and foul. At least given him a pinched look of a Head girl, like the ones she gives the detention class.

That was just the way it was, revenge from both sides between Gryffindor and Slytherin. Especially between his gang and Potter's Golden trio. Ever since the first day here, things have gotten intense between them. It was a miracle Hermione and Draco haven't killed each other yet through these long days experienced together. Thought, it was close this one time when he almost got her choked. But that was simply because of everything in his life developing so quickly in front of his eyes, that he barely remembered his own identity, which was a very odd thing for Malfoy to do. He would rather chop his head of than forgetting who he is.

The hating between these two gangs was one more reason for why Draco never gathered the smallest interest of mudblood Granger. She was far away from a troll, so her beauty was not the issue. Every boy in and out Hogwarts opened their eyes for her pure beauty after the fourth year when she walked in with that shape laying, pink dress, getting taken away to the dance floor by Krum. There was not only one sigh of envy getting released into the air that night.

The reason for his hating and disinterest, was simply Hermione all summed up. She was a Gryffindor, on the light side, a muggle born, a member of Potter's gang, a boring library wench, and simply having an annoying personality, which included never shutting up, trying to prove herself right and talk all the way. Draco could never take that. He needed a girl of higher class.

Draco removed the curls covering her face with one swift movement, and she jumped back in horror. Her head turned around to him, and she revealed a pair of cherry red cheeks on her face.

Malfoy smiled. What a delightful feeling to embarrass her, the perfect Gryffindor princess, striving to be a perfect example for all of them. '' Aha! I knew it, Granger. You are blushing.''

Granger narrowed her eyes into one of the looks she gave the detention classes, which was quite familiar to him as well. '' You just won't shut up, will you?''

Draco shrugged his shoulders. '' I guess not. You are not the only one having the privilege to talk, you know?''

'' Fine, then. Then I guess we are done here. I hope everything is settled up between us, and you can leave me alone now.'', she said as she crossed her arms again.

Draco might have started a long complain about that to make her even more annoyed, but he thought it just wasn't worth it. He got his will, and that was basically what he stopped her for.

He suddenly recalled something his father told him this Christmas. _'' When your business is done and there is no more advantage to press out of the victim, then simply leave. No reason to use more of your precious time.''_

Well, best to get over and done, then.

He turned around, and simply left the classroom without giving her a reply. He hoped that was an answer enough for someone as smart as her.

'' Malfoy!'', Hermione shouted. He heard some small steps running to the door.

Draco wasn't able to even choose a direction before he had to stop. He released a heavy sigh, and turned back around to the wooden door. Why now, when he already chose to leave? This was one more of Hermione's ways to show just how annoying she could be.

Hermione appeared in the door. A severe look was on her face, and the blushing was gone from her cheeks. In fact, she looked kind of pale and worn out instead. '' I really can't let you do it.''

Malfoy gave her a questioning look, confused by this sudden declaration out of nowhere. '' Do what?''

She licked her lip as she took a look from one side of the corridor to the other, before her brown eyes returned to him. They were so widened out, that Malfoy could even spot the small gold between the brown inside them. '' I can't let you go the wrong way. Not just this simply, not like this.''

Malfoy rolled his eyes before closing them. She was talking about the Dark mark. Oh how he wished she never heard about it. She would never keep shut, with her need to get her opinion poked in everywhere.

This was just like a drunken Weasley. He just couldn't keep shut of the things you told him to when he was sober. It all just rolled out his mouth like a bunch of marbles. Never trust a Weasley was one of Draco's main life rules.

'' That's not in any of your business. Stay away from it, and pretend like you never heard.'', he warned her.

'' In fact it is, Malfoy!'' He opened his eyes of the sudden change in her voice. It went all from calm, to shouting. She swallowed down annoyance, before she continued. '' Even a devil like you don't deserve the life given out there. Don't you see what you are about to become? Do you really not notice how much you have changed past this year?''

Draco was more than aware of what he was about to become, and how much he had changed since the last year. But where was his choice? Hiding somewhere? No. It was nowhere. He already chose the wrong road getting born into this world. From the first day it was all decided. His fate, his life, his destiny and his personality. His life could be summed up in a puppet, controlled by his father.

Hermione didn't understand. No one did. It wasn't because they didn't want to, but because they simply couldn't. Not before getting into this situation by themselves, which Draco didn't even wish his enemy to do.

'' Granger, really. Just shut up. There is nothing to discuss. Not with you, particularly.'' He had to keep up his cold surface so he wouldn't get unfocused again. He had made enough mistakes for a whole lifetime during this week.

Draco filled up himself with the cold in his life to stay focused. He had no idea about what kind of skeletons Granger his inside her, but he promised himself they would never affect him. He promised that no matter what happened in his life, he was not going to repeat what he did to Granger those times, and wouldn't let her either. The line of what is right was long bend, so now his goal was not to break it.

He observed Granger with a stormy gaze. By the denying look on Hermione's face, Draco understood she wouldn't give up until she fulfilled her opinion.

'' No, I won't! Listen. You are choosing the wrong way, the wrong paths, right in front of me. I'm the only one that can warn you, or stop you. Believe me, I wish there would be others who could instead of me. I got no wish of standing here with you and try to prove you wrong. But Merlin, you will become like your father! One of the violent monsters out there!'', she shouted.

'' I want you to understand. I don't wish you the worst. No matter how much pain you have caused both me and the others.'' She stopped, swallowing down once more. Draco was still listening, letting the words slowly sink into his mind.

'' I saw you yesterday, Malfoy. You are not one of them. You don't belong with them, you never did, and you never will. Yes, you are ambitious, intelligent, repellent, vicious, violent, cruel, arrogant, pompous mixed all together. Perfect for a trusted member of the dark side. But you are _not_ a Death eater.''

She said it with such a confidence and force, that it was impossible to disbelieve. Malfoy opened his mouth to answer her, hex her down, but the words got sucked out of him. He just didn't have an answer to give her. Nothing to annoy her, make her stop or simply prove her wrong. What she was saying made his cursed mind think.

Draco thought about this question for a long time ago. Where did he actually fit in? He couldn't say he was a member of the light side. But neither fully of the dark. His loyalty swam somewhere alone on the ocean, ready to get captured by the first bid. He turned his head downwards to avoid looking into her eyes. It would reveal his doubts.

'' Listen. You can't walk into your father's footsteps. You will become just like him. Your campaign of telling everyone that you hate him will go to waste, Malfoy. Everything will go to waste. You are playing with the fire.'', he heard her say.

Draco swallowed down something growing inside his throat, choking him, pressing his trachea together. Something which he couldn't fight back. Was that the returning anxiety? He really had nothing to throw at Hermione. He searched everywhere for a hex, a word, but it all hid somewhere. The cold inside him didn't stop it all from happening either. It was basically letting the emotions on inside to take over.

Merlin how she loved making him lose himself. Was this her way to make him suffer and pay his debt for everything he had done, these last days in particular? Confuse him, make him look like an idiot, and then laugh? Well, that was not going to work anymore. Not on him.

'' Well, at least I tried. Don't come here and say I didn't warn you.'', she said as she took a step against him.

She leaned a little towards his ear. So close, he could feel her warm breath she released into the air. '' And particular, don't come here and tell me I don't have a heart after this. Not if I care about someone like _you,_ after all you have done. That would be a sin.'', she whispered. So low, that Draco could almost feel it re vibrate somewhere in the end of his spine.

Draco was left speechless and stiffened for some seconds. She made it all sound so simple. So simple to take the choice you wish. But it really wasn't. She knew just half the story. It was pure punishment listening to her easy words, knowing how difficult it all was in reality. He just wished someone could understand.

'' It's not like I have a choice.'', he finally uttered, with a hushed voice.

Hermione glanced at him. '' Everyone got a choice.''

He caught her hands, so she wouldn't distract him from what he was about to say. His reaction shocked her he could see, with her eyes even more widened. The white inside them almost disappeared.

He knew he would regret every sticky fact he was about to tell her, but he realized he was desperate. Desperate after someone to listen. Just to listen to him, just this once. Because right now, it felt like he was screaming and nobody heard.

'' Granger. I know I will regret for telling you later, but...'' He smirked of this embarrassing scenery. Draco Malfoy, admitting some of his most private facts out to his mudblooded enemy. This was something his father would enjoy watching, before sticking his pimp cane through Draco's skull.

'' But the first step into the dark side, was the same day as I was born. I never had a choice. My life was all lost from the first day. I was never an independent person, taking my own choices as I seemed to be. I'm controlled by my father, Granger. My life depends on him, and I need to follow his orders, either I want it or not. This is necessary.'' He looked up to her eyes, and they attached him with such a power that he wanted to escape right now. But he couldn't.

Hermione's small hands began to feel clammy and wet inside his big compared to her, so Draco moved them to release her. No need to make this situation even more unpleasant for both of them by keeping a contact.

He wanted her to answer. Just one small sentence, approving she understood this wasn't his choice and that it never was. He didn't want there to be any misunderstandings. He sought for it, beneath her surface, but it was nowhere to find. She was all locked and protected from him, refusing to relieve more than necessary.

Hermione gave him an understanding look, but Malfoy saw she was still confused. '' I can help you.''

Draco quickly shook his head, before she was able to continue. He knew there would still be a chance she wouldn't understand, and he was right. She is too pure, too light to do that. She's just a girl.

'' No, you don't understand. There is no way. I have to do this-''

There were steps in the left end of the corridor, and Draco quickly turned to check the sudden visitor. It took some seconds to trust his own eyes.

'' Malfoy. Will you come with me, please?'', Snape barked with a low, commanding voice. He gave Hermione a small greeting look, before turning back to Draco.

The time has come. It wasn't really a question.

It was like someone requested everything to go after a schedule of hell. The next punishment after the other, living him no space to breathe. No break at all from this new things sailing into his life like torpedoes. One after another, pushing his concentration away from the most important thing: living the life. That was always his main goal, but these recent things made him uncertain, confused and unfocused. It was like someone did everything that was possible, put much strength and effort to make him walk out on the dark paths where there was no light to find at all.

His muscles turned into jelly when he realized what was ahead of him. Just some minutes ahead.

This was the final choice.

The choice, which would affect his whole life.

Goosebumps breaking out on his body, as he turned from Snape to Hermione. Her eyes were full of despair. She understood what was about to happen, just as good as him. He knew she did, by the sudden paleness on her face.

Sometimes, Draco wished someone could give him an answer in situations like this. The voice, that guided him through everything a time back in his life. He lost it on his way to becoming an adult. Somewhere on his way, where he couldn't find it. He didn't want to decide. The best for him would be if they all just left him alone. Was that too much to beg for?

Anger, depression, frustration and rage filled his jelly nerves, and his nerves began screaming their existence from everywhere. Accelerated heartbeat filled his heart, as he swallowed and desperately sought for an answer in Hermione's eyes. He never noticed them to be so... beautiful. So dark and clear, at the same time as they shined up everything ahead of them.

It is all in times like these, when you realize what you have. Draco realized there was many things he had. He was egoistic and wealthy, getting every thing he pointed at. But he also realized there was something broken inside him. Many things. Many things, that perhaps could never be fixed..

Draco gave Hermione a last look. He didn't know where the keen to apologize came from, but he showed it to her through his gaze. Then his eyes fell down and back to the floor, before he turned away and forward against his destiny.

He would have left his spot, if it wasn't for a touch somewhere on his fingertips. He tilted his head down, and located Hermione's lightly pink hand holding his pale one tightly. A touch, begging him not to lose what was left of the light by walking intp the endless dark corridor.

His mind told him to leave now, before it was too late, while his heart... it was silent. It told him absolutely nothing. He wiggled his fingers into her, massaging them with soothing movements. It was more to sooth himself from the anxiety filling him. She immediately held his hand tighter with her.

" Malfoy. Don't lose yourself. Please.", Hermione whispered as she ensured Snape didn't hear it.

He released her. Released her, and left her behind.

He could have just continued to hold her hand.

But now, he lost everything what was left of the burning candlelight inside him. He blew it off.

* * *

**Chapter comments:**


	9. Chapter 9

**Forbidden**

**XxX**

**Chapter 9**

Hermione laid on her stomach, with the pillow rolled into a roll tightly burrowed under her chin. She was staring emptily and distantly into a space somewhere in the thin air in front of her. Her head laid readily on her crossed forearms, which were supported by her pillow roll.

Hermione couldn't get any sleep this night. Her thoughts forced her to stay awake. It was another night of problems. Her brain did this on purpose, she decided. Different emotions and thoughts flew through her head this night. Some of them were about how to pass the upcoming exams, others about the detention with..

Malfoy.

Hermione flinched as yesterdays incident returned to her temporal from the back of her head. She moved her ankles with a small and rapid movement, just to check if they were still there and capable of moving at all. The muscles inside them hissed about their existence, which Hermione deciphered as a good thing.

The retrospective exceeded in front of her eyes. Every detail. She moved her head to the side, with her cheek squashed into the pillow. Some of the hair covered her eyes, but it wasn't her first priority to care about. For someone who didn't know about everything she had just been through, it would look like she just finished an exhausting marathon, like the one from Hogwarts to Hogsmeade.

At this point, she felt very guilty for yesterday. For letting Draco go that easy, and get the Dark Mark as if it was a simple tattoo.

God. It bloody wasn't.

She was the only one who could prevent this from happening, and she wasted it like a child wasting its money on candy. She just stood there completely lost, stuck into the stone tiles on the floor, watching him take one and one step forward and away from her, while her jaw hung down. She practically gave him away to the darkness, with not as much as putting an effort to prevent the happenings to happen. Sure he was a demon and worse than Satan himself, but she knew he just didn't deserve it. She knew he still had the light inside him, somewhere burrowed under his surface. How could she now call herself a trustful member of the light?

_God, what had she done?_

She couldn't even imagine how it would be to stand in front of Malfoy after all what have happened between them. It wasn't like she could ever forgive herself for anything, even thought it wasn't fully her fault. Much of the problems was the dear Malfoy's fault.

But that was just the way she was. It was her personality being the responsible one. That was what people expected her to, and she always tried to live up to the expectations.

_Merlin, _she whispered to herself. She couldn't possibly look into his cold eyes. Not once more. It would mentally kill her. _He _would mentally kill her. It was all ill enough after the touches and the mistaken kisses, but now he also admitted that she is the only one knowing about this problem with his mark. The deepest secret of Draco Malfoy. That made this already awkward situation even more awkward. And to be honest, not less complicated.

Why was this all happening to her? Really, did God really hate her _that _much that he would give her away for Malfoy to end? To be his obsession and his enemy conquest? To be sexually harassed and threatened? To be played with and then tossed aside when he got bored of her? To be his personal servant when he needed her? Because that was what he was trying to do to her. Everything above summed up. At least, it felt like it.

Hermione sighed into the pillow with irritation, fear and fatigue. What if he needed help with his new problem, and he would ask her? What if he would repeat what he did in the wing? There were many other 'what if's' growing on inside her head, but she shove them all away as she felt a headache appear.

Malfoy could read her right through, and she knew that he was aware of the control he got over her. It was all because of the first kiss, and her overfilled sympathy. It made her go into a deep state of something she didn't even want to think of. But why? Did something change after the kiss?

She doubted it to the moon and back. They were still the same old damned enemies. Only now, with other goals.

Well, at least Malfoy had other goals, and other plans to end her. Apparently, after all the experience with other girls, he knew this would work much quicker on her. And damn, he was right. He was _so _under her skin, like no one else before had managed.

Hermione couldn't decipher the feeling or find a word that could describe it, but it scared her to death.

_Good job of __**not**__ letting him get under your skin, Hermione. You did well, doing the opposite, _her brain told her sarcastic.

Well yeah, brain. Where were you when I needed you to keep me away? We are in this together now. It's your damn fault as well, she blamed it with frustration.

She could simply not handle this. Hermione knew and understood it wasn't longer safe, healthy, clever, logic or capable to interact with the manipulating Slytherin prat in any ways, except in situations like an emergency. Not with the recent past, and not if she was going to keep the usual facade around her steady, without suspicion. Harry, Ron and Ginny would read her all like an open book if she continued on with this clutter, and what was before a small problem would turn into a huge fuss, maybe causing the second wizarding war to start. And then she would be in some deep shit, just because of an annoying, manipulative prat.

Hermione sighed once more into the pillow. What a mess. A week ago she couldn't even imagine she would get into problems together with Draco Malfoy. If someone would tell her that, she would simply throw her head back and laugh with all the force she got. Now as the worst and unpredictable have happened, she couldn't possibly imagine anything worse.

At least not for her personally.

She rolled over onto her back, staring right up into the creamy colored ceiling. She lifted her hands up, and pressed them lightly onto her temporal to stop the thoughts from buzzing. She would get mental if this all continued. Maybe she already _was _mental.

_Malfoy, again? I thought we were done_, her brain asked her concerned.

God, he was cursing her mind even from distance. He was cursing her, trying to make her into a girl with huge physical issues. If this wouldn't stop soon, she would be turn into a nervous, paranoid wreck. He was playing with her damn feminine feelings. It was his new goal to take the teasing into a new level, and make it more interesting for _him_. He had only his own interests in his mind. What an egoistic, stuck up prat! And she was following his lead, like a small pathetic dog.

_God._ There were some things that no woman in the world, witch or muggle born, should ever have to put up with. Draco Malfoy was surely one of them.

She thought the time would heal whatever she got herself into, but day by day she only felt worse.

She closed her eyes, and sighed again. To be honest, she already began feeling different and... very, very odd when he was around. The feeling was awful, but it was ironically comforting. She was scaring herself with it.

He was winning _so _hard. God.

_He already won._

.

With her scholar uniform finally on, and her blouse tightly buttoned up, Hermione finally left her dormitory. On the way down her stairs, she could hear some odd sounds coming from the common room. Her hand didn't quite cooperate with her mind this time either, and in one second it pulled out the wand. After all, it was best to be secure.

She stepped down the last step, and her arm quickly raised over to the leather couches standing in the middle of the room. She held the wand firmly with her hand.

Her expectations and fantasy were probably growing too big in her head. She found someone completely else than she thought she would. Well, what exactly did she expect? A Death Eater with a cup of tea in his hand? God damn her cursed mind.

'' Blaise?'', she breathed out.

Blaise quickly turned his head around, with his eyes focused on her pointing wand. His arm moved over to the armrest with a swift movement and he turned around, stomping his knees into the couch.

'' Good morning, Hermione.'', he said as he smiled with the corner of his mouth.

'' Yeah. Good morning.'', she retorted quietly, more quiet than she had expected. It just felt that she hadn't used her voice in weeks.

Blaise moved his knees impatiently on his seat, nodding carefully towards the wand. '' Are you going to put that down, or is it my time to die?''

Hermione blushed a little, putting the wand back down in the pocket. God, she was embarrassing herself with the paranoia.

He spun elegantly and swung his feet down the side of the couch. Hermione observed his beautiful movement before she walked over to sit beside Blaise.

Hermione looked over at him, awaiting him to talk, but Blaise remained quiet. She observed him for some seconds more, and noticed him to be straightened up and concerned about something. She could almost see how the muscles spun inside his face, leaving a small touch on his features. His appearance changed. She apparently missed out something this morning when she skipped through the breakfast.

'' Everything okay?'', she asked as she laid a light and encouraging hand on his shoulder. He skipped with the action.

'' Yeah. How is that?'', he snapped. Then he sighed, mumbling something which sounded like 'I'm sorry'.

Hermione frowned with the unexpected coolness. Sure Blaise was Draco's friend, and a Slytherin as well, but he wasn't associated with the coolness which Draco was the proprietor of. Neither did she give him reasons to react in that way. Or maybe the wand incident did? She doubted that to be the issue to his sudden change in behavior.

Something was definitely wrong.

'' Blaise. Is there something you want to tell me?'', she asked, her eyes wide open.

He turned around, licking his lip to moist them, but returned to the previous position as abruptly as changing it. Hermione deciphered most of the expressions on his face and actions as nervous, twitchy, angry, annoyed and scared. Yes, scared was the expression topping them all, and what she also deciphered was the familiar way to hide it. Only it wasn't that well-done, or compelling like Draco's. He was an absolute professional. Blaise wasn't. Was every of the Slytherins taught to hide their motions with coolness? It almost seemed like that.

Hermione decided to not give up. She was taught up to be patient, and this time she thought it would come her good in hand. '' You can tell me, you know?''

'' I know.'', he hissed. '' I just...''

He turned around. Fear revealed in the brown inside his eyes, subdued a little by the coolness. And still it wasn't close to what Draco had demonstrated to her, personally. Therefore, Blaise was very easy to decipher. Maybe if it wasn't for her recent experiences, he would manage to foolish her, but now she could read him as an open book.

'' Justin Finch from Hufflepuff got brutally murdered this night.'', he explained. His breath became just staggered.

Hermione let the words sink in into the deciphering station inside her mind, but it was already overfilled and some of the information got lost on its way down there. Thought, the most important she understood anyway. Her breath got locked somewhere in her lungs, and she held it there involuntary. The warning feeling inside her toes was familiar. She was beginning to panic, like many other times this week. She could see that Blaise was about to collapse right there in front of her, but she was as shocked as he was, and her soothing wouldn't help a bit.

'' I saw it all. It happened right there, right in front of my eyes. _Everything_.'', he said, his voice became as staggered as his breath.

'' And I didn't help him. I didn't! I know, yes. I'm a brutal Slytherin, supposed to take everything as it comes, hurt people, but I got lost!'' He was screaming, but Hermione had the suspicion he wasn't really aware of it. The corners of his dark eyes were filled with some tears, and he wiped at them with his forearm.

Hermione avoided eye contact, searching for some words or phrases to exclaim, but all that came out was a small whimper. From where exactly, she wasn't sure. Maybe it was because she was holding her breath, she realized.

Her eyes, luckily, cooperated with the steadiness inside her. Most importantly, she finally managed to get control over her feelings. Good. A good thing.

_Hermione, are you still there? Maybe you should answer Blaise, _her brain nudged her.

'' When?'', she asked him with a low, steady voice.

'' This night. I walked out from the library, heading for our dormitories. Then, I heard a voice from the armory.'' He stopped, laughing out in an odd, concerning way.

'' Someone screamed, and I heard some... I don't know. Something...'', he stopped searching for the right word. '' _weird. Unusual_ and _frightening_, to be accurate. It was something... I cant's explain it with words. I opened the door, and what I found was...'' He was beginning to shiver quite badly.

Hermione nodded, cutting him off. '' I think that is enough for now.''

Blaise shook his head immediately, disagreeing with Hermione. '' No. It's not.''

Hermione narrowed her eyes in a questioning way.

There were silence for a long time, with a thick, cold atmosphere pressing them down into their seats. It was like invincible forces pushed them down, and Hermione felt the previous headache return from somewhere in her temporal.

'' He was a muggle born, Hermione. That is why he got killed. It was written with blood... On the wall...'' His jaw shivered as he said that, but everything else remained quiet and steady.

He grabbed her hands with his. Contrasted with her, they felt cold against her skin. An icing went down her spine as she met his eyes. The first real eye contact during this conversation of disaster. His eyes were steady, fixed and severe. It felt as they were burning into her.

'' They are killing muggle borns, Hermione. This is just the start.''

.

Hermione never considered herself as a weak person. Not physically, and not mentally either. She was always taught up by her mother to be patient, tolerant, clever, intelligent, focused and simply being a strong, independent woman always knowing what to do, and how to handle things. But right now, she doubted her possibilities to even survive this year.

Yes. If her biggest problem before was not passing a test, bigger problems got her attention this year.

What irritated her the most, was that she wasn't actually a teenage girl anymore. She was growing up to be a real adult, but having problems just like a pathetic teenage girl.

The last thing remaining is bad grades. If she would get that in addition, she would order herself a tombstone and bury herself somewhere in the forest.

Hermione entered the library, closing the door cautious behind her. She reached her hand into the robe pocket, as her fingers accidently touched something hard. The wand was safely pushed into it. Taking a look around, she noticed there to be some people, which was a good thing. Better to be on the safe side, after what happened to...

She shove the thought away.

Hermione gave a group of third graders a warm smile as she passed them on her way to the bookshelves. No matter how much she just wanted to lean on a shoulder and just burst into cry, she was going to keep up. A phrase Luna once told her appeared in her head just in the right time. ' Problems won't kill you. Just don't let them bend you.'

_God bless Luna, _Hermione thought with a relief.

She turned her head down to the floor tiles, swallowing down the tempting thought about crying. This was not the time and not the place for the panic to wake up.

Hermione disappeared between two of the tall bookshelves, searching for a book. She found herself located among the fictional books. Her index finger moved slowly over the spine of the books as she searched for one she haven't read. For Hermione there were not so many left, according to all the books she read past one year.

It stopped on a black spine with golden letters forming the title ' David Copperfield'. Hermione grabbed it between two fingers, and pulled it out lightly enough to avoid the others from falling. For the first time this day, a small movement on her lip hinted to a smile. She remembered how her mother told about this one when she was yet a small girl. It was all about a boy who has to fend himself from an early age following the death of his own mother.

Maybe it is time to read it yourself, she thought with now a complete smile.

She could have continued to daydream, if it wasn't for a loud voice behind her. She got jump scared, almost losing her own book down to the ground. She understood it must have been a book falling behind her.

She wasn't longer alone.

She would have turned around to check, with her wand firmly placed in her hand ready to attack, if it wasn't for the sudden weight on one of her shoulders.

She didn't dare to look back.

Hot air was roaring around her curls close to her left ear. An incredible smell of a expensive perfume filled her smelling senses. Her breath became uneven, but she steadied it by making it deeper. A thumb was removing the thick curl hanging down her ear, with such a gently movement it was a miracle she didn't faint. Her eyelids fell down of the sensation.

The part of her which suffered of all the problems in her life, dissolved into small pieces. It was like losing the gravity off the ground. A incredible feeling spread from where the hot air was created, to every limb under her skin. She could barely feel her muscles.

'' You will soon become a book yourself, Granger.''

Hermione couldn't understand how he did that. One second he made her fall apart, and the other he made her furious and annoyed. It wasn't something new, but it was shocking every time it happened.

She turned around with an spinning movement, standing face to face with dark dressed, light haired wizard. It was unpleasant to be that close, but she couldn't manage to move a muscle.

Was it a charm holding her, or was it just _his _charm?

Her feet were glued to the ground of the intensity in his eyes. There were something new, something unexplored in the silver moonlight marbles. They were cold, but at the same time so pleasant...

And annoying. Don't forget that, she reminded herself.

_Now, Hermione, don't you dare losing your mind. He is your enemy, and he is your worst enemy at this moment_, her brain warned her.

Not really. She was her worst enemy, she realized. Because really, she was the one controlling her actions, and if she did something stupid, she couldn't blame anyone else than herself for it either.

She cleaned her voice by swallowing down, steadying her gaze and voice.

'' Isn't it too early to hex someone?'', she asked him quietly. The question was mostly rhetoric.

His light silver eyes rolled over to her curls dangling down the left ear. He tucked a springy curl behind her ear. She melted. It was a miracle she could stand on her feet, thought it took much strength and effort.

_Don't you dare letting him into you again. You fool! Keep focused. _

'' It is never too early, you know.''

She woke up from the deep mental trance he had given her. Too early for what?, she asked her brain, panicking.

Oh.

It took her some seconds to realize he just answered her recent question. She blushed of embarrassment. He made her forget her own words that got uttered just some seconds ago.

She looked up on him. When exactly did he manage to get _that_ close to her? His lips were lightly touching the earlobe. She could already feel his dry lower lip gently rubbing against it.

She immediately snapped awake, realizing what was about to happen here.

'' Get off me, Malfoy.''

Thanks to God her voice stayed loyal to her when her feminine feelings decided to mutiny. She took a small step back. She would have taken many of those, but go stopped as she bumped her head right into the bookshelf.

Oh, she was going to die...

Draco, as usual, enjoyed this sudden scene. It was amusing how quick she changed from a melting ice cream, to just the publicly familiar, annoyed head girl. He knew that if he would laugh, it would only make her furious. Better to keep off, then. He bit his lip not to laugh.

Despise his talents in everything when it came to hiding feelings, he would have to take a class in hiding laughing, because this attempt was a bad one, Hermione decided as she mentally slapped him some times.

He took the small step against her to bring them back just where they were some seconds ago.

Hermione's eyes decided to betray her, as usual in those situations.

They strayed down to his lips which he was biting with his reflectional teeth. Even his lip curve was perfect, which he demonstrated to her in such a gorgeous way. Well, yes. The only thing she needed to announce that, was him biting them.

_Mione, you are going mental, _her brain alarmed.

Well, damn you, brain. You were the one having the responsibility.

His hand found its way to her cheek, when he stroke his knuckles over it.

'' Keep your eyes there.'', he requested.

Hermione sniffed, curling her lips on him. '' I told you. Stay away, before I decide to scream.''

Malfoy was having fun. '' Scream? The classes started some minutes ago, Granger. Nobody will hear you. They are all out of your periphery.''

'' And Madame Pince is long gone. She is helping out in the history class'', he added while touching the tip of her nose. He stared oddly down on it for a while, and Hermione gathered a small feeling he would bit it. You could never know what a crazy thick skulled son of a Death Eater would do.

Luckily, he didn't.

'' Well, I will tell your conquests. Pansy, for instance. I think she would like to hear all about it.'', she said. She knew empty threatening would never work at him, so she added a little steel into her voice.

He stroke a thumb from down the sensitive skin between her eyebrows, and down her nose. '' Pansy is not my conquest, Granger. She is simply a good family friend. Well yes, I admit it. We had a small flirt in the end of the sixth grade. After that I told her to leave, but she continued on thinking there were something between us.'', he admitted. '' You know, I think we're even when it comes to those remarkable actions we shared these days.'', he added.

Hermione wanted to spit him in the face. Yeah, really, just let go and spit. But her manners told her not to. Yes, she still remained those, even thought he didn't. No matter in which way this was going, she was not going to be like him. Never.

'' _Remarkable? _Is that what you call them? Well, I will have to disappoint you.'', she retorted, giving him a hard scowl.

He stopped his thumb as it reached her lip, just staring down at it with an gaze that flickered almost like over a candlelight.

'' So what you are telling me is that it all was just a coincidence? Many coincidences followed by each other?''

_Don't you dare coming here and tell me it wasn't, _the woman inside her told him.

Hermione decided the best would be to change topic, before it was too late.

She was about to lose herself again, and she couldn't let it happen now as she already began winning herself back. She still had her common sense somewhere, and she was determined to use it.

'' Show me your forearm, Malfoy.'', she said solemnly while she added even more steel to her voice. She knew she had to keep firm to get him just where she wanted. It was her turn now.

He looked at her.

Looked at her for a long time. Hermione found even a new emotion inside his eyes, but once again she couldn't decipher what exactly it was. Oh, how she wished he was easier to read. It was impossible reading the mind of Draco Malfoy. How many sides could he possibly have?

He removed his hand from her cheek which he was holding, and let it fall down his side. '' Which one?'', he asked her, in a tone as cool as December air.

Hermione gain goosebumps all over her body just by listening, but kept her voice as steady as she could. '' You bloody know which one, and you know it well.''

He shrugged his shoulders, while directing his both forearms against her. '' Check it yourself, then.''

Hermione's heart began running quicker as she unbuttoned the left sleeve covering his pale, muscular forearm. She tilted her head up, and found him still looking at her. Studying her, as if he was trying to remember every inch of her face and actions.

The sleeve got rolled up.

Her heart went faster, and she couldn't understand why exactly it did. Apparently afraid of what she was going to find.

Hermione stopped to roll, looking down on pure, pale skin, soft as the cotton. She gazed over to him, but he still kept firm. She discovered a small muscle twitching in his lip, lifting his corner up into a small smile.

'' If you are thinking about yesterday, it was not what you thought.''

What? God, he was confusing her. Messing with her brain again. Making her go mental. '' Malfoy, what the fuck are you talking about? Without any confusing phrases, thanks.'', she answered him while rolling his sleeve back down.

He stopped her hands, and buttoned his sleeve by himself, like the independent Malfoy heir he was. She wasn't disagreeing at all.

'' What I'm saying is that wherever on my body you are searching, there will be no mark on me. I'm just as clean and pure as before. '' He was frowning, evidently trying to make her understand.

The attempt was lost on her. It actually made her even more perplexed.

Hermione blinked some times to gather her thoughts in order for new information, while crossing her arms in front of her chest. '' What are you even talking about? Where is the mark, Malfoy?'', she asked with a deathly scowl.

What was he trying to play at this time?

* * *

**Chapter comments:**


	10. Chapter 10

**Forbidden**

**XxX**

**Chapter 10**

Luna watched the students unnoticed from the back of the class. It was just dark enough not to be in the spotlight, but the darkness was comfortable and not blinding, which Luna liked the most by sitting in the back of the classroom. Professor Binns would surely not question her from there either. History wasn't her best subject. She was scribbling on her paper with her right hand, while supporting her head with the other not to make unnecessary attention by staring around. She kept her eyes quiet.

It wasn't that she was spying, but it was just pure curiosity. She knew she could get complicated information out from people just simply like that, during a boring class.

For instance, she just noticed Harry's eyes slide down and over to Ginny Weasley's breasts as they discussed Quidditch over at their table in the front. This was one time of many, and Luna already knew how much Harry adored Ginny. He told her all about it in the library for two weeks ago. He also told her the problem for why they could never be together, when she told him he should ask her out.

It was all because of his fate, and the mission still in front of him, which he had to pass. He didn't want Ginny to get into some kind of danger because of his background and everything he had to do.

'' It is all my problems, and I won't involve Ginny into something like that. I will rather die. She deserve safety, and someone who can actually keep her one hundred percent save, and don't kill her.'', he told her that time, with agitation in his voice.

Luna understood him pretty well. She wouldn't do that either, if she was him. Voldemort never spared any of the nearest, and everyone knew that. He wouldn't lengthen the time, and kill Ginny once it got out in public. Harry should reassess that after the surely incoming wizarding war. Until then, maybe he should keep a low profile of feelings.

Luna felt a hitch in her warning central, waking herself up to life. Did Ron notice where Harry's eyes were placed?

Luckily, Ron held his eyes forward on professor Binns, drooling over the notes under him.

Paying attention for the first time during your lifetime, Ron?, Luna mentally laughed.

She never noticed him or Harry to pay attention during the history classes, as they found them terribly boring and unnecessary with all the information you would never use. It was a miracle they managed to pass the class. Well, with much help from Hermione and her notes it was probably all an easier task.

Ah, when the topic changed over to Hermione...

Luna searched for Hermione among the Gryffindor friends, but she didn't find her on her seat which were located between Ron and Harry. Luna's eyebrows snapped together in a curious way. That was an interesting matter of fact.

Hermione usually _never _dropped the history classes, not even if laying in the hospital wing boneless and with bruises all over her skin. She personally intended to borrow history books in the library after the classes, to ensure her knowledge to be remembered and filled up. She actually did that after every class. Luna noticed that about Hermione. Her strong will to pass the topics in every subject.

Well, then there was this question, who exactly didn't? You didn't exactly have to be a spy to notice that.

Granger was Granger. The respected Head Girl of Hogwarts, and the best student ever since the first grade when she entered the great hall with her long, bushy hair. She could tell you everything about the ogwarts building, and the hovering candlelights over their heads. That astonished many, in addition to Luna herself.

Her attention slid down to the loud discussion between Pansy and Terrence, who were sitting some tables in front of her. She was roughly able to make out the phrases, 'acting weird', 'never talking to us' and 'maybe he forgot us'.

By Luna's tingling senses in her head, she understood they were talking about Malfoy.

She couldn't help but rolling her eyes.

She couldn't stand Malfoy.

Then there was this question roaring inside her head. Which girl with logic wouldn't?

He had the reputation as the slut of Hogwarts, and Luna honestly disgusted people like him.

It wasn't like Luna was his victim. He told her once she wasn't 'good enough'. That was the time when she was watching him and a Ravenclaw kissing over a new edition of The Quibbler, the tabloid edited and published by her own father. He noticed her notable curiosity and left the location. It was right then when he was passing her, he hissed something about her not being good enough.

Usually, Luna would either feel crushed or sad, but in this particular case she felt relieved by being told that. Not like she wanted to be good enough for someone like him.

Then it was frankly better to stay alone, and buy a cat or two instead. Fine then, make it nine.

Luna licked her dry lip while she was thinking, not even noticing it herself.

Sure, he got that outrageous charm. Yes, he was extremely handsome, pretty, elegant, maybe even sexy.

But no.

Malfoy was as known of the type to use, and toss away once bored to find a new one. Like a small child with its toys, only worse. _Malfoy_ was tossing away _real girls, _with _real feelings_, which he didn't seem to understand. Maybe he thought it was a normal thing to sexual harass girls, and toss them aside. Well, in that case, someone had to tell him it isn't.

And that as soon as possible, before he finds another offer for the week. _And the winner is..._ Luna sighed, feeling obnoxious just thinking about it.

And then there was this eternal coolness, which just seemed to never disappear from his already cool surface. That powerful coolness that affected you once he passed you, or gave you a look from behind the class. You could feel it hours after, icing from your neck and down the spine in an tensely way that just made you want to jump into a fireplace.

Luna of course understood where it all came from.

His father, Lucius, had just the same effect on people.

She grossed, hoping Neville beside her to not notice her abnormally behavior. She didn't want to explain herself, honestly.

Lucius Malfoy. The notorious Death Eater, hiding somewhere in England where the Ministry can't find him no matter how hard they try. It wouldn't help to put a warrant out the newspapers either.

They tried several times to summon him. Both by publish rubbish about his family in danger into the tabloids, and play a credible attack the Malfoy Manor, but it all was pointless. He didn't even leave a sign of his steps.

Luna personally had the suspicion he couldn't be that far with his beloved son here at Hogwarts, and his wife localized in the Manor. Narcissa told she didn't have an idea of where her husband could be now, but it was clearly that she was lying. Therefore, the Ministry put her into a house arrest just some days ago, actually.

He was probably hiding somewhere in a creepy, dark location with Voldemort's obnoxiously presence.

Near Hogwarts.

Closer than anyone could imagine.

She grossed again, this time much stronger and unintentional.

'' Everything fine, Luna?'', asked a concerned Neville when he stopped his constant biting at his pencil. The sound of teeth meeting wood stopped, being a relief for Luna's ears. Her eyes already localized many biting marks on the end of it. He was determined to eat it up, wasn't he? She found that she didn't much care. The wing was nearby anyway.

She nodded, smiling kindly at him. '' Yes. I'm just cold, that's all.''

Neville looked around, what seemed like searching for something warm that she could wear, but Luna cut him off by shaking her head. '' Don't worry. Ill drink something warm after the class.''

He accepted her promise, and continued his biting. The only thing you could hear was _knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, bump, scratch!_, caused by his teeth into the wooden pencil. He looked just like a hamster, desperate after sharpening its teeth. One thing she couldn't understand, was the reason fro why he was mimicking a hamster.

Luna sighed, returning to her previous state of thinking.

She was spending a lot of her lifetime being in this state, she realized. Actually more than socializing with others. It was actually somehow hilarious. Every average person would try to find someone to talk and laugh with, while Luna did the opposite. She tried to find a place where she could be alone, and reflect over things like the main reason for the existence of the universe.

Mostly of the time, she spent alone on the astronomy tower, the tallest tower in Hogwarts, from where she could see almost everything. That was why most of the people called her insane, crazy or 'lunatic'. She found that she didn't much care. Others opinion was never her first priority. Really, they were never her priority at all.

She took one more look around the class from under the dark shadow back here. A girl from Hufflepuff was absently looking into the air, like if she was trying to gather up something from deep inside her thousand of thoughts. A distant sadness was filling her eyes. Luna understood she was just about to cry, but she kept it deep inside her not allowing it to show.

It reminded Luna of the terrible.

Justin Finch.

Luna instantly changed into a straightened and horrified state. She knew how the dark times increased with a steady course, but she just couldn't believe that someone could possibly kill a person as innocent and timid.

She saw it all. Brutally, and terrifying. Luna was the one informing Dumbledore about it, after finding Blaise squatted and stunned on the floor, leaning carefully into the wall. It was the first time she saw a Slytherin get so upset, and it immediately told her something was going terribly wrong. If a Slytherin was upset and didn't even care of showing it, than it was something severely. It wasn't just a broken vase or something.

Much worse.

She bit her lip, and tried to focus on being optimistic. If every single one panicked now and thought about fatal incidents, Hogwarts would fall under before the war even began.

This morning a muggle born from second grade already left for home. His parents got horrified of what happened to Justin. Luna wasn't surprised one second. She would do the same for her child.

Justin is... on a trip, a thought from her mind said.

He was somewhere on a star, somewhere distant out in the endless atmosphere where he was out of reach. He was on a better place. A much better place, where the whole life is just light and happiness, where nothing can hurt or kill you and you have plenty of positive ions circulating around you like tiny bubbles.

That was Luna's way of thinking optimistic.

She immediately felt better thinking of death in this way. If it all was just like that, maybe it wasn't that ill after all.

**XxX**

After the mortally boring history class, Harry left for the Gryffindor common room with his friends to study. Better said, lay down on the couch and try to reclaim the energy and the healthy thoughts of almost adult human beings.

Today professor Binns bet all the records of talking and teaching. That ghost had its voice, Harry thought while pressing a finger on the skin between his eyebrows. Ron pretty much agreed with Harry on that. Harry saw Ron needed a nap, after not getting it in the loud class.

Today, Binns's words just found their way out his mouth like an endless stream, not stopping for even one brief second. If words could choke, Harry would lay dead with a blue face of overpressure.

You had to be a human writing machine to get some notes. Hermione was the only one who would manage that.

Harry realized that he couldn't take one more second in there together with that crazy old man. He would talk a hole into his skull, and stuff it with books about history. First wizarding war, existence of Hogwarts, ancient Hogwarts professors, old and dead people who Harry didn't much care about..

If this would continue, next time Harry would turn into an old, grumpy, disturbed man, walking around with scissors on his nose instead of his glasses. Well, now as he was thinking of it it didn't sound that bad after all.

Luckily, it didn't take him so long before he got interrupted of his future thoughts. They would make him crazy.

Dumbleore captured Harry in one of the corridors up. He was telling him to join him into the office immediately. Harry understood by the severely look that this was important, and agreed, telling his friends he would meet them later as they left.

Right now, he wasn't so sure about that.

He was both troubled and worried about the topic they were discussing at the moment, finding it much uncomfortable. Dumbledore just told him about Zabini's discovery, worrying Harry even more. The dark, red blood- written letters on the wall, and the same phrase carved into Justin's forearm.

The words about an upcoming mudblood massacre.

'' I thought this might interest you, Harry.'', Dumbledore said solemnly while he handed over something which seemed like a very ancient, dark leather folder.

Harry opened it up, wide eyed under his round glasses.

This sight was terrifying even for someone as boldly as Harry. He had some difficulties with holding the small photos in his hand, as he studied the content.

Justin's head was laying to the side, with his head covered in his own dark, thick blood. The same with his face, with a huge scar carved in from the forehead, and down the thin skin to the left cheek. Harry took a closer look. It was wide open. Someone must have widened it with bare fingers. He could even spot the flesh inside it, separated into two sides.

He grossed, as he tried to pull himself together. He grabbed another picture from the map, where he could take a look on the injures of his skull.

He briskly spotted a crack on the left side of his skull, from where the blood probably floated down to the floor. Around his head, there was thin blood. _God._ Blood everywhere.

Harry swallowed, as he steadied his eyes on the next picture localized on the desk in front of him. He was beginning to feel nauseous.

On this picture, Justin's wrist was violently wrenched somewhere back, and a thick bone stuck out from where his main artery was supposed to be. Harry imagined the sound coming from the bone when it got broken, followed by a resonant shout of horror and pain. It re vibrated somewhere down in his spine, staying there for a while.

He turned away.

This was not how he remembered Justin.

This was _not _Justin.

His heart was doing front flips. He didn't remember last time he was so fiercely filled by negative emotions.

'' Most probably, Justin's head was bashed into the stone wall first, which caused him to faint, of course. The pain was unbearable. He was punished, before brutally killed.'', Dumbledore explained as he sat down on his side of the desk, resting his arms on the both leather armrests.

Harry gazed up and over to him, as he handed the cover with the photos over to his side of the desk. That was more than enough emotions for this one time.

Dumbledore shook his head. '' Harry.'', he said, with watery eyes. '' I think this might be it. This might be the beginning of which is the end. You must be prepared.''

Harry's worst nightmare just got real. His worst suspicion got confirmed in three briefly sentences by Dumbledore, as if it was something natural you said everyday. He made it sound so natural, that the small goosebumps appeared on Harry's arms.

Harry swallowed, trying to make his heartbeat slow down some steps before it would kill him. It felt like he was running, but never reached the finish.

'' I'm not prepared for the main battle yet. I... I can't do it. Not yet.'', he said anxiously, shaking his head, confused and perplexed.

Harry was never a weak person. He was clearly the opposite of which you could call 'weak' or 'bad nerves', but even Harry needed time to figure out particular things. For instance, how to react, how to attack and how to defend. Those were all things he knew, but he needed some time to think well through it all so he wouldn't make mistakes. There were no time for even the least mistake, and the smallest, tiniest mistake could cost him a life. This was not any of the small battles he managed to win before. This was different.

This was crucial.

He wasn't ready to take this responsibility.

Soon, but not yet.

Dumbledore folded his hands in front of him, while giving Harry a sternly look. '' Harry James Potter. You were chosen to do this. You will be prepared just when you need to. The only thing you have to do, is believe.''

Harry threw himself back in the chair, keeping his eyes somewhere between Dumbledore and the desk, in deep concentration of thinking. He pulled his glasses up his nose when he leaned forward again, and looked up on Dumbledore with his wide, light green eyes, with just the smallest sign of begging.

'' I need some time. That is all I ask for. I know the time will come, and I know I will have to throw myself into the trouble soon, but please. I need at least some days.'' There was a small trace of pleading in his voice, but he knew pleading wouldn't help on something that could be impossible.

He felt selfish once he finished the sentence, but he couldn't do it without having some time to spend. It would be too much to handle right there on the battlefield, and he would get unfocused if he wasn't prepared. It was just like right before a quidditch match, only here it wasn't about some bloody points.

Here it was a battle about thousand of lifes.

Dumbledore nodded, approving Harry's plea. '' You will get as much time as we can manage. Until then, I want you to keep calm, Harry. You have to keep strong. I know it's not your fault the fear is overwhelming, but I promise you, you are the _chosen_ one. The _only_ one that can manage this.''

* * *

**Chapter comments:**


	11. Chapter 11

**Forbidden**

**XxX**

**Chapter 11**

Hermione yawned as she sorted the rest of the elder- books stack in front of her. Even thought she was in her familiar and beloved atmosphere of the library, books, parchments and bookshelves, it was the most exhausting detention that she ever had the opportunity to access.

And this stack was just the beginning on an endless night of sorting.

It was already past supper, which Hermione had more reasons to skip than attend, and if she would follow the usual routine she should have been in her bed now, _reading _one of those books.

Not sorting them.

But then, Malfoy (as always) insisted to have the detentions at night instead of early in the morning, because according to _his _opinion he found the classes quite important before the N.E.W.T exams, despising the fact that he already got perfect grades. As always, he got it how he wanted with his business tongue, and the detentions were moved to after the supper. To Hermione's grief, she was going to spend the evenings for the next two weeks together with no one else than Malfoy himself.

And she could have avoided it, if it wasn't for her damn tongue speaking on its own will in the wing.

Hermione heard the entrance door open with a loud voice, and turned her head to meet the main reason for why she was here, and not under her soft duvet in her own bed. Her brain got heavy as a rock all of a sudden, and she sat there completely emotionless, watching him approach.

Malfoy smirked. '' Well, well, well. Good job, Granger. You will be done soon.'', he applauded.

Hermione gritted her teeth together, already sensing he came here to test her nerves. '' _We _will be done soon. We are in this together.''

Her attempt to tame him was lost, and he gave her a tut-tut looking face as he stood beside her, leaning his weight on the back of her chair.

She rolled her eyes. She found that as a better opinion than throw a book right in his head. It wouldn't make him into a man anyway. The hope of turning him into one was lost for a long time ago. Even Blaise, his best friend admitted that.

At least he was surely born with the amazing talent to be childish in every situation appearing in his life. For Hermione, who already grew up from the years when she was showing her tongue and giving childish grimaces to Harry and Ron over the dining table, it was completely shocking that a eighteen years old grown up boy, - no,- _man_, was showing her a grimace.

'' Get off your high horse, Malfoy, and begin sorting. I didn't come here to watch your annoying face for a whole night, you know?'', she said cruelly.

He pulled out the wooden chair beside her, and threw himself over it in an elegant manner. His leg swiped over the other, and he leaned forward to observe her under his energetic gaze.

'' You know, Granger, I think you need a break from this.'', he said as he pushed away the book with his hand in a playful movement.

Hermione remained silent, giving him a bewildered gaze followed by a deathly glare. He already managed to get her both annoyed and angry, but she was determined to keep his usual facade for as long as it is capable. He fastened it.

'' Oh, come on. You can't stay angry at me forever.'', he said as he frowned innocently in return.

Hermione narrowed her eyes, as she grabbed a new book with her peripheral vision directed on it.

'' I hate you.'', she whispered between her teeth, slamming her book on the table with a huff, and all the force she possessed.

He remained deadpanned. '' Sure you do.''

Apparently convinced she was angry, Draco turned away and grabbed a thick book as well. His movements were lighter and much quicker than hers, which made her more annoyed than before, if that was possibly. How she _hated _his idea of that he was better than every other.

He was also beginning to hum with a melodic tone.

_Oh yes, I can stay angry at you forever, you jerk_, she told herself.

She reminded herself that she didn't get any sleep this night, all because of Malfoy's destiny and his own problems, which she frankly had no business with. Why did she care that much, she didn't know, not feeling the need of knowing it either. The fact is: she was feeling guilty, mixed with another feeling that she didn't understand very much of. It was an emotion that could kill you if you didn't try to push it aside. It almost killed her.

And here he is, the next day, with pure skin all over his body, not even revealing the smallest sign of the mark, feeling better than ever.

He told her all about it, but she couldn't say she was accepting his silly explanation. What he told her, was a story for a stupid first grader.

He couldn't possibly believe that she would believe him, could he?

Maybe he managed to get under her skin and manipulate her, but he wasn't going to brainwash her. The brain she was going to keep for herself. She knew very well there was something strange going on with him ever since the hospital wing, and this was one more proof to be wary.

If she would believe his words, she would believe that his father re considered the Dark Mark. He found it unnecessary for Draco since he was his son with his blood roaring in Draco's veins, which was a peremptory proof that Draco's loyalty laid with the dark side. He also decided that Draco should be able to decide that on his own, being 18 and adult.

For every word he said, Hermione was thinking: _liar._

Lucius wasn't like that. He was a copy to Draco. Better said, Draco was an exact copy of him. If determined once, determined forever, and there was nothing which could possibly stop him on the way to victory.

They were the perfect prototypes of how real business wizards should be, and act.

And honestly, why would Lucius pass up the chance making Draco as one of the servants of the Dark Side?

It didn't make sense.

They were probably both,- no,- all of them were probably playing on something to make this surely upcoming battle a little more interesting to access. Hermione was almost certain. Draco Malfoy was hiding information, and the information he was hiding was the most important.

After some minutes with Malfoy's humming and slamming books, Hermione had the feeling she was going mental. She stopped abruptly, and crossed her arms over her chest while watching Malfoy continue his work. He gave her a rapid look over his shoulder, and continued sorting with those quick movements to get done with it.

Hermione's eyes followed his arms as he grabbed a new book, and sorted it into one of the other stacks that were beginning to grow taller.

_Merlin's pants. _He looked just so concentrated, with his cheekbones in a lightly straightened position, and his eyes following the book to the pillar of other, already sorted books. He moved his messy, hanging hair with his forearm, and continued with the detention work.

Hermione watched his arms, as he sat there with his shirt sleeves elegantly rolled up. Every muscle twitching, cooperating to lift the book and lay it down on the stack. The movement repeated. She felt her jaw begin to slid down with a slow but steady course, and she clenched it together to not cause a scene.

_Once again, it's official, Mione. You are mental_, her brain told her. Surprisingly, for the first time, she found that she didn't much care.

How could anyone _possibly _be attractive while sorting books? She blinked her eyes, while removing him from her periphery.

Unbelievable.

Draco stopped his humming, as he laid down the book with an intense slam. Hermione beside him jumped, and looked at him all wide eyed and cold.

He observed her with his bright eyes, tilting his head a little aside. Hermione had a feeling he was mustering up something very vicious to say. Best to be on guard, then, she reminded herself. The coolness in his eyes were familiar to her, after five days spent with a living ice.

'' Granger, is this _really_ how you want to spend this night?'', he said, with something evil in his deep voice.

Hermione didn't give much notice to that, replying in a swift and smoothly way.

'' To be honest, no. I wanna go to sleep, if you haven't noticed. But of course you _had_ to move the detention, and now...'' She held her breath.

_Merlin._

Her face changed into a reflection of the new December snow, maybe even paler than that. She recalled what he asked her, and then she understood he must have meant something else by that.

Something completely else, which frankly couldn't have been worse.

'' I don't know what is going on in your mind, Draco, but I don't like it.'' She used a lot of energy to reply him, but her voice still betrayed her and revealed a tremor.

Oh. She wanted to slap herself as she noticed that there was an even bigger problem ahead of her than the tremor.

She just called him _Draco._

She felt him grab her by her shoulders in a harsh way, as he pulled her into his burning chest with all the strength he possessed. Hermione felt as she was choked, like the last time, only now she wasn't. Not until she felt the odd pain in her eyes she noticed that she was almost clenching them together. She opened them, just to face the fearsome son of a Death Eater. It wasn't necessary for her to face him to understand that he was angry. Worse. His face was beyond furious, just as she expected.

And even thought she was prepared, it was always a shock how Malfoy could change from being composed to an exploding bomb in even less than a second. She wouldn't get used to that even married with Malfoy for the next decade, she realized.

She tried to avoid his stormy gaze, but his eyes bore into her. '' _Look. _Unless you actually _mean _something but an annoying bitch to me, call me Malfoy. For you it is _always _Malfoy, you slut!''

There was a thin line between Hermione keeping her emotions and actions, and Hermione losing control. Somewhere between the word 'bitch' and the word 'slut', he could ensure he just passed that particular line, breaking it into small pieces.

'' How dare you calling me a slut!'', she yelled at him with an intense speed.

Everything after that happened in slow motion.

It was the third year repeated.

Hermione wrenched her hand back violently and furious, and in one briskly movement skin met skin, and palm met cheek, and a loud 'slap' was echoed in the big location of the library. She shuddered as the voice returned and found its way into her ear, where it remained.

He released her shoulders, and her body fell abruptly back to her chair. She looked up at him, and noticed that she just managed to open up the previous scar on his face, as some red, wet drops rolled down his cheek. It must have been with her sharpened nails. Then there was this small line of blood on his lower lip, which he curled his lip at to lick. His eyes, meanwhile, turned back to her.

_Hermione, time to run, now! Forget the detention!_

She should have listened to her brain as many times before. Maybe she would even avoid getting into this situation, if she took some time to listen to all the clever things it had to tell her.

But this time as the others she acted against her logic and her moral, pushing it all aside from her periphery.

She stayed put, and waited.

Malfoy always made her wait for something, either it was good or bad. He made her experience that several times.

But to be honest, she couldn't remember to experience anything good with him. There was always something bad about him. A bad aura. Always something bad, and always something... dark.

He still suckled on his lower lip, just watching her sit there between a state of stiffening and shivering. She was in a state where there were no thoughts, only actions. He was remaining quite, she realized. Too quite, for Hermione's taste. She would like his attack to end as soon as possible so that she wouldn't have to wait for the incoming pain.

If it was unavoidable, then why not get it done?

Only they both knew it. She wouldn't forgive him the second time. Neither would he forgive himself.

'' You know,'' he said as he wiped off the blood running down his cheek. The cheek was burning, as if she just threw a candle on it and kept it there. '' Thank you. I really needed to figure out that.''

Hermione found herself more confused than anything else. She got a measly 'thank you' after slapping him across his face the second time during their acquittance?

Yes, this was really Draco Malfoy. A creature with a completely confusing way of interacting, with no logic at all, fitting in words in places where they are not supposed to be. This was Malfoy just like she knew him, and recognized him.

Hermione peered at him, an confused look on her face. She cleaned her voice so she would be able to talk. '' What exactly?'', she asked him calmly.

He pushed the messy, blonde hair hanging down his face aside with his forearm. '' That I'm not like my own father. That I do have self control when I want, and I haven't lost it. At least not yet.''

Hermione sniffed, and looked away from him. Self control? Was that what he was calling it?

_You just asked me how I would like to spend my night, you slut. That is not self control, _she wanted to tell him. Only she didn't have the moral to say it out loud in his face. The slap should do.

Of course, she couldn't even hope he understood anything. That would be too much to hope for.

She didn't want to make something worse happen, while facing the detention with a thick skulled Slytherin by her side. It was night, she was already annoyed and angry, and she was tired, which was not a good combination. So she stayed shut.

'' Don't let it become a habit. I won't tolerate it, Granger.'', he said as he grabbed her wrist. She could feel his cool fingertips wrapping around her thin and sensitive skin. She tried to detach, but he held it tighter. '' Next time, I will forget everything about self control, and all that shit.''

She growled back. Draco found the growl much attractive and adorable. '' There won't be any next time.''

**XxX**

Draco wished Granger wasn't just that attractive while being angry and annoyed. It especially attracted him when he knew _he _was the reason to her twitching nerves. Of course, he wasn't that lost in his life that he would admit her that. The meaningless kisses should be enough.

Draco laid in his bed, rubbing the cheek that Granger slapped twice already. It was still burning. _Damn, that girl got muscles where she need to._

He couldn't say that was a surprise, after what happened in the third year. She had the perfect straight that time too. This was like a reminder of the old times, when everything was just so different. He liked it all like it was before, when no one and nobody had an influence on him, and no one had the right to control him or make him do things. Do things that he honestly didn't want to do.

Just in the middle of Draco's flashback time, Goyle broke in the door into the Slytherin common room as if there was a war going on outside.

'' They have killed her!''

Draco immediately stopped to pat his cheek, and shot up from the bed like a rocket.

'' Who?'', he asked Goyle, loudly but composed.

Goyle fell down onto his bed, and looked terrified up on Draco. '' Her! They killed her, Draco! She is dead. Merlin, what is happening?!''

Draco couldn't understand why, but the first thought that hit him somewhere in his stomach was the name of Hogwarts's beloved muggle born Head girl. Hermione. His heart was beginning to run faster. Much faster. Somehow, he knew he wouldn't manage to hear her name beside the death. Why, he did not know, but he knew the pain it would cause him would be unbearable. It would hit him right in the last piece of his heart.

Every girl's name, except from her.

His eyes came wide. Why was she more important than everyone else? What the hell was he even thinking about? What the hell _was _going on with him? _It's just Granger,_ a bell called inside his head.

He really needed help when it came to his mental health.

Draco grabbed Goyle's shoulder, and pulled him out the bed by his robe, heading for the common room immediately.

'' Who, Goyle? Who is dead?'', he asked, keeping his voice calm. He knew Goyle wouldn't answer otherwise, being freaked out by this already.

Draco knew from the first day that Goyle wasn't really one of the Slytherins. He wasn't intelligent, not malicious, not arrogant, not wanting power and not really someone who you could call courageous either. Most of the time, Draco couldn't understand or find a reason for why he was chosen to be one of them. This was one more episode which proved him that Goyle would never survive during this war if he continued being such a coward.

He couldn't even take _one _death. There would be many more when the time would come.

'' It's her, Draco. I tell you! I... Why is this happening?''

Draco inhaled a deep breath. He knew it wouldn't help to kick Goyle's head, so he decided the best would be to go and check it out himself. Otherwise, he wouldn't get an answer to his worst suspicion. He hoped it was just a suspicion.

After what happened to Justin, he understood it could be anyone. Anyone among the weak ones, among blood traitors, among muggle borns...

Draco sidestepped Goyle to stop him. He has gotten very pale now, and was shivering like a leaf during the autumn storms. If the state of Draco's nerves wasn't that tense, he would have clapped his shoulder and laughed, asking him if he had just seen a ghost.

But it wasn't any time for laughing here and now.

This could all be much worse than a bloody ghost.

'' Where is she?'', Draco requested.

Goyle raised his arm towards the portrait exit, pointing with a shivering index finger. '' By the Grand Staircase. She is dead...''

Draco left the panicking Goyle behind, and half ran to the portrait.

.

Already when he appeared in the entrance to the dungeon, he found a group of people gathered around something on the ground in front of the staircase. Someone was screaming and crying, but it was all shuffled by Draco's empty thoughts. He pushed aside some first graders lightly, already sensing this was nothing for them to see.

If Goyle didn't manage it, then first graders from Hufflepuff obviously had nothing here to do.

And so he told them to, while making his way to the crowd.

The crowd began growing big, and Draco had to use much strength and effort to press him in between the amount of panicking students. His robe got hooked by others wands that stuck out from their pockets, there were girls shouting right into his ear, and it was almost like escaping from a nightmare to find an even worse nightmare in front of you. Someone scratched his wrist with something sharp, as he finally made it to the front row.

His eyes fell down to the object, or the person laying in front of him. He couldn't feel his legs. They were gone into an empty state of existing.

It was obviously that Goyld didn't lie. The person was murdered. Brutally murdered. The girl,- yes,- it wasn't Goyle's hallucination that the person was a female,- was wrenched into a position of a rag doll. She was boneless, at least so close to boneless as you could get. There was a pond of reflective red blood in the area around her head, already continuing its way down to her lower body. Draco released a groan as he looked over on the state of her torso. Her shoulder blade was wrenched somewhere aside, together with her arm followed. Was that a bone sticking out from her forearm?

He found the question as something that better don't have an answer.

Draco swallowed down the unpleasant feeling inside him. It was far away from fear and terror. He knew he could manage the sight of everything after what happened two years ago at the Manor. The feeling he felt was something of the anxiety.

He reminded himself of the worst. His obviously worst thought and suspicion. Instead of studying the bleeding and opened up scars, he began studying the girls appearance. At least what was left of it all. She had bushy, reddish hair covering her face in curls down to the floor. Draco stepped back. Is that...?

His heart were now obviously doing front flips.


	12. Chapter 12

**Forbidden**

**XxX**

**Chapter 12**

_Friday_

Every of the prefects and persons with head duties got called into a meeting the next morning before the classes began. After yesterdays incident with the Ravenclaw Marietta, Dumbledore informed there would be a need to settle up some things and come to a better solution of security to prevent equal things from happening.

He found the second death incident of a student in one week like a huge disaster for the whole magical society.

It could only mean one thing; the catastrophe is right around the corner.

To be honest, Draco's biggest wish was to find an excuse to not attend it, as he found it completely unnecessary and foolish using his precious time to argue with idiots. They never agreed on a solution anyway, but Snape insisted.

Surprisingly, every representatives attended this meeting, gathering around the long wooden table in the room. From Ravenclaw attended the prefect Anthony Goldstein together with Filius Flitwick, from Gryffindor came Ron Weasley with Minerva, from Hufflepuff arrived Hannah Abbot together with Sprout, and then there was Slytherin, where Snape almost pushed Draco into his chair. The Head Couple stood raised on the end together with the headmaster between them, Dumbledore.

Draco also found the round glassed Saint Potter sitting beside Ron, which was not quite a shock or surprise. He _always _attended the meetings.

Draco had a feeling that the arguments and the disagrees would get interesting this time. They always were. Last time he returned to the Slytherin dormitory with a dark blue bruise on his left forearm, and a second bruise under his big toe, which he had to squeeze out afterwards. Both were made by the dear ginger Weasley, when Draco told him his arguments were as stupid as his haircut. That was the only thing needed to make a Weasley rage.

Well, the main reason was probably that _Draco _was the one saying it, not the words.

'' Everyone, find a seat.'', Dumbledore said in a kind and mild voice.

'' I think we all know the reason for why we are here,'' he began as he gave every one of the assembled a severe look. Draco didn't receive one, as he turned away right in the particular moment.

'' The recent attacks on students is something which is our duty to prevent. I would like to start with the suspected ones. Unfortunately, I will have to insist on telling you that there is a traitor among us. It is our duty to find the one who could perpetrate such a crime.''

'' Who can the murderer be, then?'', Anthony asked while taking a look around the table.

Dumbledore harked. '' It could be everyone. To my grief, everyone from me to you.''

'' Wait, nobody said the _murderer _need to be among us. Only the traitor.'', Ron corrected. Draco tried hard not to gawk and send him a scowl when he heard his annoying voice. '' I mean the traitor is _surely _among us, but it can also be just a contact. A loyal member of Hogwarts, who let the particular murderer in.''

'' That is right indeed,'' said Minerva in a speculative tone.

Draco sighed. Little did they know about who they were referring to. It was obvious they were talking about someone who let the Death Eaters in. Draco, on the other hand, knew that the Death Eaters, if it was all their doing, would not wait for an invitation to a murder party. They would enter without even giving a note.

'' Well, then there must be someone who got close contacts with the dark world, I assume?'' Harry Potter took a look around the table from under his glasses. His eyes stopped on Draco who sat across him, and Draco noticed that he narrowed them. His biggest wish there and then were to punch in his face and break his silly glasses, but then he would get double detention, which was not good for his image.

'' I am sorry, are you referring to me, Saint Potter?'', Draco asked him with something vicious in his tone. That was also a warning.

Harry sent him a narrowed eye look. '' No, but I have the feeling that you know much more about the dark world than you show.''

Snape interrupted. '' Enough. Both of you.''

Ron punched a knuckle on the table, taking his part in this developing discussion. He was already begging for a punch. '' Then maybe he might help, instead of sitting there and acting like nothing!''

Draco rolled his eyes. '' Well, I didn't notice any rules that told me I have to talk.'', he said in a flippant tone.

'' Watch your attitude, Malfoy.'', Flitwick warned him.

Draco's fists were now clenched into two admonitory balls. '' Excuse me, but I was not the one referring to Potter in this case.''

'' We understand, Mr. Malfoy.'', Dumbledore said calmly. Oh, how Draco hated his spectacles. He knew very well how much that man hated him behind that long beard.

There were a small space of silence.

'' Then I want to know. Draco Malfoy, where were you yesterday between 9pm and 10pm, if I may ask?'', Potter asked as he leaned even more over the table. His gaze got stormy.

Draco shrugged his shoulders innocently. '' Facing my detention together with our dear Miss Granger. She will confirm it, won't she?''

He turned his head to the end of the table, where Hermione sat on the left side of Dumbledore. Her eyes snapped wide when she heard her name. She seemed quite away, somewhere deep inside her. She was biting her nails, while she referred to a small nod.

Harry cleaned his voice. '' Then tell me. What did you do after the supper?''

'' Like I said, I attended my detention in the library.'', Draco said in a very fixed tone. Actually, a little over fixed. Hermione could feel it re vibrate in the end of her spine. It was highly unpleasant. To be honest, Hermione wasn't sure what of the alternatives were worse: an pissed off Malfoy, or a highly calm Malfoy?

That question is something which you can chew on for a lifetime.

'' Now as we talk about it, you could have let your father in between the supper and the detention.'', said Hannah while sending a look to Harry.

Draco took a deep breath, sending a look to Harry from under his forehead. '' Potter, when exactly during this conversation was it that my father suddenly became the murderer?''

Harry sent him a confident look. '' Or anyone else.''

Draco straightened his cheekbones in hope to control his anger. '' I am sorry, but it would have taken me at least seven, well, let's say _six _minutes from the great hall to the library. I left right after the supper, and entered the library at 09:7 pm, _precisely_. Does that tell you anything?''

'' Fine.'', said Ron while supporting his head on his hand. He moved impatiently on his chair. '' Where were you before the library?''

Snape luckily answered for him. '' Mr. Malfoy already told he attended the supper, before leaving for his detention.''

Harry sat back on his chair, with his eyes still studying Draco. Draco studied him back, and tried hard not to laugh of how pathetic the accusations were. They had no proofs at all, and Draco would personally never help his own father in Hogwarts. That's simply ridiculous after all that he had done to his life, and put him through. From Draco there were no help or sympathy to give at all when it came to his crazy and obsessed pimp cane father.

'' Is there anyone who may confirm that?'', asked Anthony while turning his head on Dumbledore instead of Draco.

_Oh, you are scared you little prick_, was Draco's immediate thought. Which was right indeed. Anthony shivered a little after pronouncing that sentence.

'' Pansy, Terrence and Goyle. I had a conversation with them during the whole supper.'', Draco answered swiftly. '' I am sure there are other witnesses that may confirm that as well.''

'' What was the conversation about?'', Ron asked while waving his thick hair off his forehead.

Draco gave him an intense glare. '' None of your business, frankly.''

Draco knew that Dumbledore already sensed a growing battle, equal to the one having place last time. He could see it by the way he studied everyone's tense nerves from the outside. Draco, meanwhile, had nothing against releasing his growing irritation. Neither did Harry and Ron.

'' I think that's enough. Let's not focus on something that may be wrong.'', said Minerva while giving Harry and Ron one look of punishment each. '' Let's go back to the main reason for why we are here today.''

Finally Blaise woke up from the silence he was sucked into. It was honestly a relief hearing his voice again. '' Fine. Let's discuss the way they got murdered. That may tell us a lot about the person.''

Dumbledore nodded approving, while opening up the leather map laying in front of him. He spread the photographs on the whole length of the table, giving everyone a chance to take a look on the two death incidents. Draco heard some moans, some beeps, and some ''oh's'', while he remained deadpanned over the pictures.

Hannah released a groan. '' Merlin, who can do things like these?''

Sprout shrugged her shoulders, while gritting teeth nervously over a picture. '' According to these views, it is a strong enemy.''

Draco wanted to utter something humorous in his eyes, but remained silent about it.

'' One thing I just can't understand is why Marietta got murdered.'', Ron astounded. '' I mean, it's all horrible, but she was a pure blood. Justin, on the other hand, was a muggle born. I don't see any connections.''

Hannah nodded. '' Right. But both were weak when it came to classes.''

Draco rolled his eyes, while giving Snape a look over his shoulder. He received an equal one back.

Hermione laid down the photos loudly on the table, shaking her head in disbelief. '' Why wasn't I murdered? I mean, they got many more reasons to take me instead of innocent people that barely had their chance to show their face to Voldemort. I can't recall them having a relationship or a connection with him of any kind. Me, on the other hand, I am Harry's friend, I am a muggle born and I am a Head Girl.''

Harry pointed a finger on Hermione. '' She got a point. What is in it for Voldemort?''

Ron was beginning to get impatient, confused and frustrated at the same time. He also looke like he was beginning to starve. '' Well, what if it _isn't _Voldemort at all and we are all searching the wrong places?''_  
_

'' It is Voldemort. I'm almost certain it is a sign. I mean, a muggle born and a pureblood, both weak in classes and physically as well. That is a connection enough in my opinion.'', Anthony said determined.

Snape rolled his eyes. '' We won't get anyway with this. Let's focus on our safety instead.''

Dumbledore stepped in. '' I agree with Severus. My option is to increase the patrol, and have several patrol groups during the night. Maybe we shall make the supper at 8pm instead of nine as well. The prefects and the Head's of houses will have more responsibility of course, but I think we can manage that until it is all over.''

Snape rolled his eyes around again.

Dumbledore's mild voice changed to a little steely. '' Any objections from your side, Severus?''

Snape shook his head.

The Headmaster smiled kindly. '' Good. Any objections from the others among us?''

It was silent.

'' I'm sorry to interrupt and get back to the topic, but I still look at Lucius Malfoy as the most threatening person that I can think of.'', Harry said while crossing his arms over his chest. '' He is like Voldemort's hand. Voldemort is the head, and Lucius is his hand.''

Even thought the words made a scar in Draco's reputation, it was still a fact. His father had become much more violent and powerful since the full alliance with the darkness, and Voldemort gave him his fully trust, which also contained a lot of power. Ever since that, Lucius was doing everything what he wanted to, and cam to his mind.

Snape seemed to catch on. The Slytherin Head of House stood up so quickly that he made a breeze go through the location. '' Lucius? No! Absolutely not! This is not done by his hands!''

Dumbledore remained silent. Everyone knew there was a huge possibility.

'' Maybe it's time to increase our agents, Headmaster. I think it is time that Malf-'', began Sprout with a sad look on her face.

Hermione finally woke up as well. '' No, Headmaster. I disagree.''

Draco, meanwhile, had no idea of what was going on. Everyone threw themselves into the discussion which was beginning to grow into a battle. Snape already stood on his tip toes, shouting something baffling to Flitwick with Flitwick repearing and retorting in an equal way, and Sprout was trying to calm down Hannah and Harry, who were almost kicking each other in their faces. Hermione was growling something over to Blaise, while Blaise looked like... like he wanted to kiss her. Draco was amused, and watched it all with interest, until he got sick. A melancholy, unpleasant and completely new feeling filled him, and he suddenly wished Blaise was gone. He wanted Hermione to growl over here instead, being furious over him. Not Blaise.

Draco couldn't say he was jealous. It was not jealousy.

Most probably just egoism and arrogance mixed.

He frowned. '' What is this all about?'' He had to put a lot of strength and steel into his voice to overcome all the voices.

Snape took a look around, and sat back in his chair. '' They want you to-''

'' Severus. That must be discussed in public.'', Dumbledore interrupted harshly.

Hermione shook her head, with her curls dangling from cheek to cheek. '' That is nothing to discuss. It is risky, and-''

Draco didn't catch them. '' What exactly? Can somebody tell me what we are talking about?'', he asked. '' Before I fell off the conversation, you were talking about my father.'', Draco reminded while licking his lip.

Harry rolled his eyes. '' Is there anyone who can answer the poor, lost boy over here?''

Draco smirked. '' Ha-ha, Potter. Very funny.''

Ron snorted beside Harry.

'' They want you to follow the recent of your father's steps. I mean, we all know what an influence Voldemort have been on your father, Malfoy.'', Anthony clarified. It was embarrassing that a Ravenclaw knew more about the happenings than Draco himself.

Draco snorted. '' You want me to spy for you, and tell if my father is the one throwing parties all over the school or not?''

Snape released a small laugh, which only Draco seemed to hear. Or maybe the others just ignored it.

'' Mr. Malfoy, we must inform you this is all for your own good. It may help you to clarify your relationship with your fellow students, and the Ministry. You are indeed the nearest relative to your father and you have the best chance to get into him.'', Minerva told him, with her eyes full of hope.

Flitwick nodded, agreeing with Minerva. '' The Ministry have tried everything to summon him, or at least get a sight or a hint of his actions. You have probably heard about it. Everything was wasted.''

Draco crossed his arms, while falling down onto his chair. '' Hold on there. Are you telling me I will have to work for our dear Ministry?''

Hermione interrupted. '' Malfoy, no. Let's just all forget it. He is just a boy, for Merlin's sake!''

Draco leaned on the table, observing Hermione while frowning. '' You wouldn't say that if it was all about Harry Potter. _THEN _you would not have commented a shit!''

His anger was growing. He couldn't understand why Hermione's words switched on such an anger inside him. How could that woman think he wouldn't manage to do some harmless spying? She was embarrassing him on purpose.

Hermione gave him a glare. '' Harry is used to this. He is born for this.''

Draco clenched his fists harder together, turning angrily red in his face. '' Don't you _dare _comparing me to him. I'm not Potter, for fucks sake. Not like I want to be either. Damn you, Granger.''

'' Watch your words, Malfoy!'', said Minerva cautionary.

Draco raised abruptly from his chair, sending an even stronger breeze than Snape. '' I won't watch a thing anymore. I'm sick of being compared to Potter here, there and everywhere! I'm sick of the associations between me and my father, sick of being underestimated and sick of everything that has to do with light and dark. SICK!'', he yelled out.

Dumbledore raised from his chair. '' Enough.'' His voice wasn't even a whisper, but it sent a lighting through Draco. Snape pulled him down by his robe.

Draco gave Hermione an ugly glare. She looked back at him with watery eyes which just begged for an apology. She was also mimicking something which seemed like 'I am sorry',. God, she looked just so innocent. It was a sickening feeling that he wanted her to sit into his lap, while he pulled her closer and whispered that everything would be fine. But he ignored her. He turned his head forward, and removed her from his vision.

She have done enough for him to chew at for a whole lifetime. Draco was not going to tolerate anything more she threw in his way to make him be the fool and spoil his pride.

There she passed the final line.

'' We are not comparing you, Mr. Malfoy. We are trying to make you understand that it might get risky. Your father is indeed a very powerful person, and we all know that.'', Flitwick tried to explain.

'' What is in it for me? Saving the Malfoy's pride? Well, then I will tell you all that the only pride I care about is mine. Not my families. They spoiled it by their selves for a long time ago. I'm not the one to save it, or claim it back.'', Draco said as coolly as the breeze coming from him after the heat.

'' There is nothing ''in it''. It is a task you will have to take, or leave. It's all up to you.'', Sprout clarifies.

Draco's eyes turned light. There was much in it for him, now as he thought about it. His father would _love _the Azkaban prison indeed, after Draco's proofs to the Ministry.

'' I will take it.''

Snape stared at him as if he just grew a second head, while he poked his shoulder unnoticed for the others.

Draco faced Dumbledore. '' I will take it. I will tell you all about my father's doing if I find something.''

* * *

**Chapter comments:**


	13. Chapter 13

**Forbidden**

**XxX**

**Chapter 13**

'' Malfoy, wait!''

Hermione tried to catch up on Malfoy who was walking quickly away and leaving everyone behind him.

'' Malfoy!'', she called again, with a steely cry in her voice. It twitched inside her throat before it came out.

She stopped. She knew she would regret this later, but she was desperate and determined to get his fully attention as she rounded a corner where they were out of everyone's sight. She rounded her fists into knuckles to gather strength. '' Draco!''

He took some more steps, and then stopped, just as she thought he would. She knew his routines very well by now. Hermione recalled what he told her yesterday, but she ignored it and pushed it aside. This was not the time to be afraid or become a coward. She had to explain. She had to explain that she was... _worried? _Was that what she really was? Worried for Draco Malfoy?

Are you?, her brain asked with concern. Hermione exhaled a deep breath. She didn't want to answer it, mostly because she was terrifiedfor the answer.

She couldn't remember when exactly he pinned her into the wall. Everything was blurry, unclear and fast, but she found him standing right in front of her while holding her body tightly into the cold wall. It was equal to the time in McGonagall's office, only much more forceful.

Hermione found the position very uncomfortable. He was way to close for her own good. She knew exactly how he felt by how his chest raised and sank, in quick and heated movements. She swore she could feel the heat from him sailing into her. The only thing she could do, was to close her eyes and face the attack.

'' I thought you heard what I said yesterday. Or did I hallucinate your attention, mudblood?'', he sneered.

Hermione tried to free her arm, but he pushed her even harder. His grip was much more binding than she could ever remember. It was terrifying.

But she wasn't afraid.

If it was possible, she was kind of used to it.

Hermione eyed him, with tears pushing in her eyes. She blinked them away so he wouldn't see her weakness. '' I am sorry! I can't believe I said it. I know who you are, and I know that you experienced a lot of things already that made you strong, but-''

He wrenched her arm backwards into the wall. '' What the fuck have you done to me, Granger?''

Hermione kept her eyes steady. '' What?'' The question was as confusing as it was unexpected and silly, but she would answer if he would just calm down and tell her what he meant.

His jaw twitched, and she braced herself for a very hard attack. '' What the fuck have you done? Answer!'', he yelled.

'' I don't understand-''

He shook his head, very determined. '' I told you many times. I warned you. Don't mess with me. Don't you EVER mess with me! Merlin, I think you have done enough. What have you done to my brain? Will you tell me that? ''

Hermione kept on eying him, very confused. What was he even talking about?

He shook her by her shoulders.'' Will you? How the fuck are you controlling me? How did you fuck up my brain? What method did you use? How did you come into my bloodstream? And most importantly, WHY? Is that to make my life even worse than it already is? Is that how a mudblood bitch usually acts?''

Hermione's teeth rattled, and her head banged some times into the cold stone. '' What are you talking about?'', she managed to cry out between the small attacks of shivering.

He stopped. '' You, Hermione Granger, have turned my life into a worse hell than it was before. Completely. By your small touches, kisses, sighs, looks, movements, hair and frankly everything, you have made me into a lost man. Maybe you don't understand, thought. You know what I am thinking during the conversations with my father? You. For fucks sake, I am thinking about _you. _Merlin damn it, if he could read my thoughts, he would find out that I want to taste and feel the flavor of you new washed hair!''

He leaned his head to her hair, and she could hear him sniff in the scent of her shampoo. '' _Strawberry _this time.''

Hermione wiggled her arms. She didn't like the way this conversation was going. Was he drugged? She knew very well something very, very bad was going on inside his brain right now, and she didn't like the thought. Something new, something unfamiliar. Something foreign. He just admitted he was thinking about her. The normal Draco Malfoy would rather stab himself. It shouldn't, but it scared her.

Through her confuses and frustration, she still made a decision. A completely illogical, stupid and a bad timed decision, a decision you can call risky, that could turn this all upside down once more.

'' Then tell me, please, how is it that you are cursing _my _mind? I can't even think normally. You are cursing me even through distance! When I read a book, I need to read the sentence five times before it gets a correlation! How do you do that?''

Merlin.

Foolish.

Foolish.

Foolish!

Hermione felt his hand getting gentler around her arm. If she wanted to, she had the chance to free herself now. He was giving her a chance to escape his rage, wasn't he?

She remained on the spot.

'' Sod off, Granger, and never appear in front of me. Never again.''

There were many emotions swimming under her skin right now. Confusion, frustration, irritation.. but it was all too much to absorb. She simply stood there, eying him under her gaze.

Draco felt just the same, only with mortification added. He couldn't believe that he just admitted thinking about the Gryffindor mudblood. The horrifying truth is that he wasn't joking, neither lying. He wished he did, but the wish didn't come true in this case. If it wasn't for his shock, he would have began a paranoid laugh right there in that particular second of silence and eye contact.

His lip twitched as he began studying Hermione, who hasn't moved yet. The seconds felt like minutes. Her eyes were bloodshot and beaten, and there were some tears gathering in the corners. His stare went down to her parted lips, with the lower one swollen up. It should have provided him with a feeling of victory where he crushed her apart and she would finally stay away from him, but it didn't. Instead, he found her... alive. More alive and real than ever.

She wasn't the Gryffindor Head Girl that was trying to live up to her reputation anymore. She was just the fragile girl Hermione, who had feelings and her own problems and demons to deal with. He found it... unusual. His heart sank down, and he felt sorry for her. He was in a state where he didn't know rather to pull her into him and hold her in his arms, or push her away as far as he could.

He tried to focus instead. This was his only opportunity to show her that they had to end whatever they got themselves into.

Both of them just told each other there was a mess going on in their life. Equal mess in both of their brains and emotions.

Time to get out of it.

Or perhaps maybe just settle up some things.

Draco was the first one to talk. '' What happened between us, Granger?''

Hermione turned her face away. '' I don't know.''

He grabbed her chin, and turned her back to face him. He tilted her head upwards, frowning at her. '' Why did you care about my injures in McGonagall's office that one time?''

'' I don't know.''

'' How did you make me kiss you?''

'' I don't know.''

'' How did you get into my bloodstream?''

'' I don't know.''

'' Why won't you just get out when I beg you to?''

'' I don't know.''

Draco began getting impatient. He raised his voice for every question. '' What changed between us during these days?''

'' I don't know.''

'' Why am I thinking of you even in my dreams?''

'' I don't know.''

'' Why are you cursing my whole damn mind?''

'' I don't know.''

'' Is the same happening to you?''

'' Yes.''

He stopped for a second. The woman just looked into his eyes, calm and composed. She wasn't lying. They were sharing the same experience of foreign and both pleasant and unpleasant emotions.

'' Is the same happening to _you_? Am I affecting you, somehow?'' He was desperate after an answer.

'' Yes.''

'' Do you loathe me?''

'' No.''

Draco stopped. Again. His hand got a better grip around her chin, as he frowned questioningly. '' No?''

Hermione looked at him with the same watery eyes. Did she hate him? Did she _actually _hate him?'' I...''

Just yesterday she could have bet her whole life on that she hated him. But now, in this particular moment, she understood what had happened. A light flinched in front of her eyes, and opened up the reality roaring between them. An inescapable roar of emotions, once started. An emotion she never felt herself, but heard of very many times.

Draco sought for an answer inside her. She parted her lips to answer something more, but the words never found their way out.

'' Do you loathe me, Granger? Do I really disgust you? Do you want me to die?''

She looked at him. '' No.''

As bizarre as it all sounded, an intense wave of... something weird washed over Draco. One of those emotions that neither one word nor a hundred can ever describe, but it's rupturing your head, your heart, your stomach and the rest of your functional body. It was one of those that he felt many times past these days, only he still couldn't get what exactly it was.

Then he was thrown back to reality, and realized he just lost control. He didn't like it when he didn't have control. With Hermione's presence, either he admitted it or not, he always lost it. No matter how hard he tried not to.

'' Damn it Granger, if you know what is happening to me then you better tell it. I'm fucking desperate.'', he said calmly and silently. ''Merlin, you are like a fucking virus inside me. A virus that I can't get out. _You_ just _won't_ get out.''

Hermione looked at him with a glance and distant gaze. '' You got no clues?''

Draco shook his head. '' No.'' His voice was a low whisper.

He looked down on her lips, with something soft and at the same time desperate. He looked thirsty. He looked just like if he... wanted to kiss her.

_God. God. God. No. No. No._

_Relax. You can handle him. He is just a boy_, her mind alarmed. _Don't let him do it. Don't. Keep focused! Stay away from him. Remember who he is and who you are. We have been through this!_

'' Don't touch me, Malfoy.'', she squeaked in a tiny voice. She knew what was about to happen.

God. He was making them both losing control.

He frowned, and she could feel him pull away. '' Fine, then. I won't.''

And that was it. He released her arms, and walked his way through the corridor before he disappeared behind two stony pillars as if nothing happened.

His action left her stunned for some minutes or so, as she slid down the wall. He did just as she asked him to, without disagreeing, fighting, discussing or scaring her with his determination and charm. Was that his new way of making her go even more crazy?

She thought she had figured out his routines by now.

He left her disappointed.

.

Harry and Ron were waiting for Hermione to approach them as she walked downstairs for the breakfast. Honestly, she didn't feel like needing it. For her it was now most like a formality and to get some gossip from Parvati and Lavender.

She was beginning to get a suspicion of anorexia, but damn that.

The hospital wing was close.

'' I hope Malfoy won't fuck this up.'', Ron said as they entered the hall through the enormous doors. '' Because from this point, things are beginning to grow serious. We've got no one to lose. Two is enough. Fuck feast done.''

Hermione sighed, wanting to change topic from someone else than Malfoy in a desperate need of distraction. His words wouldn't leave her mind.

_How did you get into my bloodstream?_

_You know what I think about during the conversations with my father? You. For fucks sake, I'm thinking about you._

_By your small touches, kisses, sighs, looks, movements, hair and frankly everything, you have made me into a lost man._

_Is the same happening to you? Am I somehow affecting you? _

_Sure damn you are, Malfoy,_ she answered herself. _More than you can ever imagine._

Malfoy sounded very serious when he mentioned the unmentionable. The things he could say sometimes, that just made you want to scream out either of happiness or disaster. Hermione wasn't sure what she personally would scream of. Was this new feeling.. a good thing? She doubted it. When it involved the Slytherin heir and the supposed-to-be a Death Eater, it just couldn't be.

The problem was just that she didn' understand what exactly she felt. It was so new, so freightening, and at the time so powerful... if she just knew what exactly it was.

'' Good morning everyone.'', said Ginny as she sat down beside Harry. She laid her books on the bench with precise slowness. They all gave her a kind smile. Hermione hoped that maybe the presence of Ginny would make the conversation go another way, but no. They explained everything in detail to the youngest Weasley, which also forced Hermione to hear it all. _One more time._

Her freckles stood out when Harry and Ron finished, while she fingred her fork. '' Well, I guess that is a good thing. Malfoy will get a better relationship with the Ministry and the doubts about him will get revoked, while Lucius will pay his debt. The same will the others.'', she stopped to take a sip of her juice. '' Malfoy will fit in the dark atmosphere. I mean, I don't think they will even get a suspicion.''

Harry poured some sauce on his lightly gray porridge. '' Well yeah. It's just that there is a possibility that Malfoy won't cooperate. His pride means a lot to him, and if there _will _be some facts about his family that he won't have any wish of giving out, then...''

'' Then everything will go straight to the cool hell. Or hot. Whatever.'', Ron finished with his mouth stuffed both with pumpkin juice and pancakes in a mixture.

Ginny wrinkled her nose, as she peered at her brother with narrowed eyes. '' That didn't make sense.''

Ron shrugged his shoulders in return. '' Nothing does anymore, to be honest. I mean, why would Voldemort have a wish of killing Marietta? At least they got an excuse for Justin. I mean, his blood...'' Ron stopped, eying Hermione with a very cautionary and apologizing face.

Hermione wished he wouldn't, because now he also noticed her absence which she frankly would like to keep for herself.

'' Mione, are you even listening?''

_Yeah Hermione, are you? Or is this thing between you and Malfoy more important than the fact that you may be the next victim of Voldemort's prat party? Then I'm sure no problems, feelings or Malfoy's would help._

_Maybe Malfoy is the murderer for all you know. He is supposed to be a Death Eater and you bloody know it. You know, the mark is just a formality and sign. The real demon or angel is the one hiding inside._

_Shut up, _Hermione replied her brain. She was getting the paranoia again.

Ron poked her shoulder. '' Mione. You know, I am worried for your health. You haven't been eating in two days or so. Is everything alright?''

Hermione sighed down into her empty blade. A blade as empty as the good old days in her life, where she was Hermione Granger, and not a woman with mental issues because of Draco Malfoy. '' I'm fine.''

Harry shook his head while he lost his spoon into his porridge. In a normal situation, she would have laughed. '' No you definitely are not. When was the last time you got something to eat?''

Hermione had too many thoughts in her mind to reply the investigation they just started. And honestly, why would she remember the last time she ate? Ridiculous.

'' I don't remember.'', she simply answered. Her voice was twitchy, and she began wondering if they felt rejected. That was the last thing she wanted.

'' Look, just ignore me. It's just this whole thing with Malfoy...'' She realized that wasn't directly to lie, only avoid the half truth. '' I think of him, and then I lose it. I mean, I will have to spend two precious weeks of my life to face detention together with him.''

Ron nodded. '' I understand. And still, I think there are more to your strange behavior. Is there something we should know?''

Merlin's pants, they were reading her straight through. Should she tell them? Would the pain and confusion be less then, when she figured out a solution with her friends?

The thought was very tempting now as she thought about it. Maybe it would help her indeed, when she wouldn't have to suffer alone with the unknown.

Merlin. They wouldn't understand anyway. They would laugh at her when she would tell them how it all started, the journey into the unknown country of feelings. It all started with a scheme. One bloody scheme, and her life turned into... hell? No. She couldn't call it that anymore. It was... disturbing. She was into a phase of her life when she had to choose. Wasn't she?

_Brain, stop murmuring and thinking, _she thought with fatigue. She realized that she was exhausted. The shortage of sleep, food, water and logic suddenly made sense. She was exhausted of this new things sailing into her, exhausted of not finding an answer in her books as she used to, exhausted of bearing it all alone on her shoulders, exhausted of keeping her pride, reputation and surface perfect, and exhausted of... everything.

God. She needed to clear the problem with Malfoy out of her way. That was her main problem, she realized. That was the issue to the other problems.

She needed to speak to him again, either she wanted it or not.

'' Malfoy? I will smash his face...'', Ron said with his face turning purple. The unnecessary and bad timed jealousy got released into the air, and she swore to God that the whole Gryffindor table could feel it, if not the whole hall.

Hermione waved with her hands to stop his further thoughts. This was the reaction when she wasn't even _telling. _It horrified her how it would be if she actually told. '' Don't smash in anything. I will figure it all out on my own. I mean, two weeks isn't all that bad after all.''

Harry looked at her as if she just grew a third eye, while Ron looked like he was very, very hungry. And stressful.

X

Hermione was a clever little bitch.

It wasn't like that was any news to him. She had been since their first year. But this sceneries just proved him once more that she was the most clever mudblood bitch he ever knew of.

How did that mudblood manage to get through his bones, his nerves and his wall of steel? He had no clue at all. It would amaze him for the rest of the decades. _Nobody _have ever managed that. He always made people stay away. Either by his cool surface, or by pushing them away.

Nothing worked on Hermione, thought. Not pushing, and not coolness. Not even the Dark Mark. Was she really that naive and gullible? Thinking that every person in the world has a good side? Hilarious.

Not everyone. Draco had none.

Draco was watching her from his Slytherin table. Studying her face. He thought that his revelation of his feelings, if that is what you can call them, would make her give him answers. But that was obviously too much to hope for. None of his questions got a proper answer that he could actually deal with.

Merlin, this was difficult...

Her golden curls lining up her face gracefully, and her golden eyes turning from Scarface to the gingerbread. He was getting that feeling again, where he wanted to punch in their faces. The one he got when she was arguing with Blaise. The second one today.

That was bad news.

She was smiling, he noticed. Her teeth reflected through the hall. It was simply gorgeous. And if that wasn't all enough, he noticed that her scholar blouse wasn't fully buttoned up this morning. How could she, Hermione Granger, forget that?

_'' _Merlin's pants.'', he muttered for himself.

He was beginning to get ideas. Or maybe fantasies. He wasn't quite aware of his intense and dreamy staring with roaring fantasies, until he felt a highly hot feeling from somewhere his brain, and down to somewhere in his abdomen where it spread into small pieces. _No, no..._

Too late.

Draco felt something move, and as a reflex he leaned forward on the table in hope that nobody noticed anything strange. Not like leaning over the table wasn't strange. Well, at least it would hide the... that. Yes, that rigid feeling down under his pants. The hot feeling was still down there. He could feel it hotter than he ever did. It was very familiar to him, only this time it was.. different. Very different. The difference were hard to explain, but Draco knew that Hermione was.. doing other things to him than anyone ever have managed to.

_Merlin, I need a vacation somewhere far away from England, _he thought silent.

He was certain that the feeling Hermione was beginning to give him lead to nothing good. Nothing good at all. And the worst was he couldn't figure out if it was a growing and intense hate, or something different which he couldn't name or set a word on.

The light and the caring feeling she was giving him every time he either touched her or looked at her, was starting to make him soften. That was not good for someone who is supposed to be a dark wizard, and bear the dark mark on the forearm.

_I should have accepted the mark, _he thought for himself. Maybe it would brace him for the things happening to him right here. Both by making her stay away, and make him more hard, cool and masculine. He still had the change, when he thought about it...

Should he...grab it?

He was in doubts. At least it would have made his father proud and kept the mudblood away. Wasn't that something?

He sighed into his empty glass, while taking a look around. Neither Pansy or Terrence noticed his change in behavior over the friction going on down in his pants.

His bright eyes automatic slid over to her. Again.

_God, Malfoy, you are a sick bastard. _

Welcome back, brain. Again you were away when I needed you, and now as I don't, you return.

Her smiles...

Her movements...

Her hair...

Her scent...

Her innocence..

Her light..

Her eyes, her comments, her words.

Hermione Granger.

He felt the friction again, and he knew he would be scolded for life after experiencing this. Well, he already was technically, when he stuck his mouth inside her. That second was the second when he became a blood traitor.

'' No way.''he mumbled while parting his lips to lick them innocently.

People were beginning to leave for the morning classes, raising and gathering their books, wands and parchments, but Draco remained where he was.

He couldn't raise. All because of _her._

* * *

**Chapter comments:**

Wow really!

I want to thank you all for your reviews, favorites and follows. I never thought I would come this far, really. 11, maybe 12 followers but you are really making me happy! :)

This gives me the wish to write more of Forbidden, and start on other stories! :)

Thank you so very much. I really appreciate!

Hugs and kisses.


	14. Chapter 14

**Forbidden **

**XxX**

**Chapter 14**

Draco was late to the first class already, so frankly he couldn't see the point in attending it at all. They were probably half way down the page already, if not even further. Reading the three or four last sentences wouldn't help his knowledge, neither preparing for the N.E.W.T's.

Nevertheless, he did.

He was just about to enter the Defense Against The Dark Arts classroom, already holding his hand on the handle and the books with the other. And he would open the door, if he wasn't pulled in by someone into another corridor. His head got pressed into the wall, while he almost bit his tongue of this unexpected happening. He felt that this was very bad news.

Someone must have seen, or heard.

There were many people in Hogwarts who were working for the Death Eaters, and it would have cost them nothing to tell Voldemort all about these recent happenings. Everyone would have loved to hear about the pureblooded, wealthy Draco Malfoy, the heir of Slytherin and the Malfoy Manor, touching a Gryffindor mudblood. Not even to mention that he was beginning to get some kind of weird _fantasies _about the girl.

He shuddered. What was wrong with him?

'' What do you think you are doing?'', the voice snapped.

Draco realized he had closed his eyes as a reflex of protection. He opened up, and stood face to face with Snape. He breathed out a breath of relief. Snape would never harm him without an order or permission from either Voldemort or his father. The others wouldn't even ask for permission. They would do it, and do it brutally.

'' What exactly are you talking about?'', he asked silently.

Snape rolled his eyes. '' You can't seriously work for the ministry. They are using you, Draco. They are simply using you to get information, and you know that very well!''

Draco sighed. It seemed like no matter what he chose in this life, everything would go to hell anyway. Then why bother by trying to choose the right?

His life was spoiled and ruptured anyway, with no chance to rescue it.

Not now. It was all too late.

'' You know what kind of relationship they got to you. They will use you, and set you into prison, trashing you like the dumbest fool existing. Would you like that?'', Snape said loudly but contained.

Draco shook his head. '' No, I wouldn't. But did I have a choice?'' He stopped for an answer. Severus rolled his eyes. '' They would have begun to suspect me if I would have declined it.''

Snape eyed him, with understanding filling his eyes. '' What will you do, then?'', he hissed.

Draco thought for some seconds. '' Frankly, I got no idea. I guess I will have to give out false information. I will lie, to be concrete.''

Snape shook his head so quickly, that Draco could feel the wind coming from it. '' That won't be a good idea.'' He looked at him with severe eyes. '' I hate to say this, but the best would be if you accepted the mark.''

Draco froze. Just as he thought one problem and demon was gone, it returned to him like a boomerang and hit him in his most sensitive part of his stomach. It was like getting paralyzed by a spell. Only worse.

He studied Snape's face, just so he could decide if he was joking or telling the truth. Snape remained the same, taking a small step back from Draco. He also gain contained and determined eyes, with something that seemed like sympathy. The answer was very obvious.

'' I...'', Draco began.

'' Your father wanted to meet you in the forest. Tonight.'', Snape said before Draco had the chance to answer. '' We will discuss all details and solutions there, in his presence.''

Draco swallowed. '' Will I have to make my final choice already today?''

The question was like to ask what a policeman's work is like, and yet he asked it.

'' I think we both know the answer.'', Snape said, giving him one final look. '' Tonight, Draco. This will be your last chance to choose your faith.''

Just when Draco thought he was about to go, Snape grabbed him by the wrist.

'' Remember, this is the most important choice in your life, Draco. This will show everyone who you really are.'', Snape reminded when they got their eye contact back. Draco felt a breeze of ice go all the way from his eyes to the spine.

Was this real? At least it felt real.

He wished it would be one of his nightmares.

He really wished.

**XxX**

'' What's wrong, Hermione?'', asked a concerned Luna in the middle of the history class.

Hermione woke up from her deepest thoughts which just wouldn't leave her head, no matter how much she tried not to think or empty herself. Not like she expected them to do that either. Nearly a week have passed, and they didn't even think of leaving. _Cursed mind, _Hermione thought. Oh, the daydreaming was taking over her body, wasn't it?

Or perhaps, maybe it was something else taking control over her... that she just couldn't figure out.

Hermione smiled kindly. '' Yeah. I'm just tired, that's all. Didn't get any sleep this night, honestly.'', she lied.

Luna looked at her with two severe eyes. They were widened out, Hermione noticed. '' You know, your friends are concerned about your behavior. Is something going on lately?''

The question annoyed her. '' Why does everyone keep saying that?'', Hermione asked in a more harsh voice than she planned to. She couldn't understand why she reacted in such a way.

Well, there were many things she couldn't understand right now, no matter how much she tried to.

Perhaps, maybe it was good getting out some of her anger. Maybe it would empty her.

'' I don't know. It's just... you have changed lately.'', Luna noticed. '' Or maybe I'm just imagining. But Hermione... If there is something I can help with, please tell me.''

Hermione nodded. '' I will. Thank you.'', she said in a mild tone.

_I mean, I wish you could help_, Hermione thought silent.

She really did, to be honest. She wouldn't mind some help at all. It was just... If she couldn't figure out what was happening with her by herself, neither could anyone else. No one could possibly understand her better than herself.

Before taking some further decisions, perhaps it would be better to begin understanding her own feelings. Alone.

.

Hermione left for her dormitory after the last class in an scurrying speed so nobody would be able to fetch her on her way. She found that the most reasonable solution. Just isolate herself for one night. She really needed some rest from the questions, the problems, her friends, the suspicions... all of it. And what could make her relax better than her bed and a good fictional book?

Nothing.

Hermione fell down onto her bed, totally exhausted. Her books and parchments fell down beside her. She grabbed her warm, soft fleece plead, and wrapped it tightly around her. Then she grabbed the book laying on her bedside. Leaning her head against the pillow, she began reading the book, sentence by sentence, focused and determined to finish it off.

Somebody knocked on the door, and Hermione jumped by the sudden sound.

'' Come in.'', she said as she laid down the book carefully beside her.

The door got opened, and Hermione watched as Blaise entered her small room.

He looked worried. '' I'm sorry. Did I interrupt?''

Hermione smiled mildly. '' Actually no. I was just reading this book...'', she said as she held up the cover.

Blaise nodded as an answer, while he took some steps into the room.

'' I just thought we needed to talk.'', he said in a severe voice, as he wiped off some dust from her photo on the desk.

Hermione nodded quickly, approving him to stay. '' Sure. Find a place to sit.''

Blaise nodded, and sat down into the armchair standing beside her dark wooden desk. His arms rested on the armrests, and he leaned against the spine of the chair. '' I just need to settle some things up.''

Her heart stopped beating, getting stuck somewhere in between her ribs.

_Oh, well, nearly everyone need to settle things up lately. Why not add a multiple problem?_

Hermione gathered her nerves. '' What about?''

Blaise looked down, while playing with his thumbs. He looked very worried for Hermione's taste. '' I just need to know...'' He stopped a little, searching for the right way to ask. '' What would you like to call us?''

_Goodbye. There goes your breath, _her lungs said as she felt them stiffen.

'' I...''

Blaise shook his head. '' It's okay. Just tell me exactly what you think.''

Hermione exhaled a deep breath, without Blaise noticing. He was too much sucked into playing with his thumbs.

What would she like to call them? This he asked right _now_? She couldn't believe it. Not even in her own room she could get peace from the questions that made her want to run for a madhouse to get some help.

She bit her lip. What did he want her to answer? She did not know. She did not know what she would call them either. Honestly...

'' I... good friends, I guess?'', she said as contained as she could. She was glad her voice didn't mutiny.

Blaise looked up from his thumbs. '' Um... You mean...'', he stuttered. '' Nothing more?''

Hermione's eyes widened. She understood that by the sudden amount of light that passed through her pupil. '' I...''

Blaise shook his head, interrupting her. '' It's all fine. I told you to be honest, and..'' He gave her a small smile, but she could see the pain in his eyes. '' I guess it is right. Good friends.''

Hermione opened her mouth, but before she found a way to reply, he was gone.

Hermione felt an unpleasant feeling somewhere in her temple, spreading down to her eyes. She suddenly remembered how good, pleasant and comforted she felt in Blaise's arms. The evening they actually kissed.

_Flashback_

_'' I'm writing an essay, you jerk!'', Hermione laughed out, trying to make him stop tickling her between her ribs. _

_Blaise pushed a pillow into her face, just when she was about writing again. Her black ink spread all over the light parchment, leaving a very big and dark mark over it._

_Hermione began stuttering, panicking over her lost homework. '' You... You... You ruined it!''_

_Blaise fell down beside her on the couch, with an arm around her shoulders. _

_'' Come on, ' Mione. Relax! Snape won't kill you, through all. Maybe ruin your grades, but that's okay.'', Blaise smirked. _

_Hermione turned her head to face him, and she found her eyes straying down to his smile. _

_His white teeth. _

_One of the things she loved most about him._

_She began laughing. '' Well, Snape is your headmaster. He always spares the Slytherins. He will kill me, the Gryffindor. The Gryffindor Head Girl, the one who is supposed to be perfect!''_

_Blaise pouted his lips in a teasing way. '' I will protect you.''_

_Hermione sputtered, and hit him playfully in his chest. It felt hard onto her knuckles. _

_And then it happened. _

_They got an intense eye contact, mixed with laughter, which made her lean forward and... kiss him._

_Flashback end_

Hermione closed her eyes to avoid any tears. That was the last thing she needed now, of all.

_You lost him, Mione, _her brain told her.

Just then, in that particular second, she felt something else. Better said, she _realized _something else, something important that couldn't be removed from this situation. It was her brain speaking, not her heart.

She wiped at the tears gathered in her eye corners, and found the feeling that made her crushed, suddenly very right. The _only _right.

It opened up for her. Blaise was never the right one, as she thought he could be multiple times after that kiss. The kiss meant something for her brain, her mental pain during these dark times, her soothing, but never something to her heart. It never actually made her feel... the way it should.

She swallowed down, feeling her nose getting cold.

This suddenly made her love life easier to handle.

Ron Weasley was the one.

.

Hermione, who had cleared her mind completely after her small evening nap, entered the library for the detention class. She was almost certain Malfoy was late, so she stayed in her room five minutes extra.

'' You are five minutes late, Granger.''

_Merlin._

Hermione closed the library door with a calm movement, and turned just to see Malfoy already sorting the books laying in stacks on the desk. He was concentrated as always, taking one book by other.

'' Yeah. My apologies for that.'', she muttered as she sat down beside him.

He looked at her with severe eyes. '' You are in a bad mood?''

Hermione looked back at him, while laying a book in front of her to begin with. '' Not really. Just exhausted by...''

'' The amount of emotions?'', he asked her mildly. His silver eyes were sparkling a little, but they were still the old and cool ones.

Hermione's eyes almost popped out of her skull. '' What?''

Draco rolled his eyes, as he turned back to the old books in front of him. Hermione stopped his hand just as he was about to take another, but as her fingertips met his cold skin, he pulled his hand back from her in a very abruptly and unexpected movement.

Hermione jumped back of the sudden action.

He looked at her with his usual, cool eyes. '' Don't touch me, Granger.''

'' What?'', asked Hermione with a tiny voice, confused of his sudden change.

'' Just don't touch me. Perhaps, maybe it would be better if you wouldn't talk to me either.'', he snapped. His cheekbones were straightened up as usual when he was getting annoyed or angry.

Or concerned. Or bothered. Something equal, something that made Malfoy change.

'' I'm sorry, but what _exactly _did I do wrong now?'', she asked him, her eyes narrowed into sprinkles. Oh, now she was _beyond _confused.

Draco slammed a book on the table, with the library echoing the sound to every corner of Hogwarts. It wouldn't surprise if Hogsmeade heard the sound as well. '' Nothing. Just stay away, or sod the fuck off.''

Hermione placed her hands on her hips, turning her chair to him. She remained calm and composed. Otherwise, she was afraid she could lose it. It would be quite normal with the amount of emotions inside her mixed to a bomb, where you couldn't split them or set a word on any of them.

'' That would be the same.'', she said silent and determined.

He closed his eyes, inhaling a deep breath with his chest raising under his beautiful, black polo sweater. '' I told you. Shut up.''

Hermione frowned. '' I'm sorry?''

'' Shut up!'', he said loudly, almost screaming the words out. '' Merlin, just shut up!''

'' What is wrong with you, Malfoy?'', she shouted back. His behavior was very sudden and frightening.

He closed his eyes again. She could see him swallow down something big stuck in his throat.

'' Let's play a game.'', he said, now calmly. His eyes were closed lightly, and she couldn't decipher him. It made her lost. '' The one keeping silent longest, wins.''

Hermione knew the action could be a risk, but she laid her palm against his shoulder. He froze under the action, and opened up his eyes. They were dark. Dark, almost like the dark night sky.

Hermione understood something was terribly wrong.

'' I just want to help.'', she said, almost whispering it all out.

She really did. She wasn't lying. She wasn't dumb, and understood very well something very big and bad was bothering his mind that he couldn't fully understand or deal with. If she could help, she really wanted to.

Honestly, she began understanding he wasn't that cool and moronic as everyone told he was, and as she first thought him to be as well. Well, sure he was still the childish, arrogant, pompous, superior and annoying Malfoy. That was titles nobody could ever steal from him.

Hermione realized through their time together that he was a person like everyone else, with a heart and feelings, only forced to live the life he lived. The life everyone _expected _a wealthy Slytherin heir to live. The life his father expected him to live. He always tried up to live up to his expectations and avoid disappointing, equally to Hermione. Only he lived side by side with the darkness.

He was cooled down by his lifestyle, the unstable lifestyle where he can't trust anyone, and the only thing left is despising the life, the people and everything in the world.

It was all his _life's _fault. Not his.

She wished she could help him... Help him get his life back.

Was this her chance?

Draco shook his head, with his hair whipping from one side to another. It was beginning to grow long. He needed to cut it, Hermione thought.

'' Don't help. I don't fucking need your sodding help, mudblood.'', he said as coolly as he could manage.

Hermione felt a hitch in her heart as he commented her bloodline again. She pushed the feeling away. '' My blood has nothing with this to do.''

Draco shook off her hand from his shoulder, demonstratively wiping his shoulder in swift movements, as if there were dirt covering it. He pulled his chair back, and raised at all his height from it. '' I'm leaving if you don't mind. Ill do more of this sorting tomorrow instead.''

Hermione shot up from her chair, shaking her head confused. '' What? Where are you leaving? Why?''

'' None of your business, Granger. Stop pulling your nose in between _my _business and _my _problems. You are not my mother or something.'', he answered her. She could feel him giving her a hard scowl, even thought she couldn't see his face.

Hermione protested, curling her lip at him. '' I am _trying _to help you, Malfoy!''

Draco turned around to face her, already being something which seemed like furious. '' With what? What _exactly _are you trying to help me with? Do you know anything about my problems? I don't sodding think so!''

Hermione pushed her chair aside with a small movement to get closer to him. He stepped back. '' I warned you, mudblood. Don't you _dare _coming any closer.''

Hermione took the final step to make him stand in front of her, close enough so she could touch him if she wanted to. She wanted this to be her victory. Just once. The worst he could do, was to kill her like Justin, the other muggle born.

That didn't frighten Hermione. If that was his wish, than let him have it fulfilled.

'' Or what?'', she said as she looked him right into his eyes. She knew that was when she had control.

They were completely emotionless. Just two light silver marbles, even cooler than the first December snow. That was the only thing Hermione could read. He was beginning to... close himself? She felt a hitch in her stomach. She realized this was one of the first time she couldn't decipher _anything _of his body language. He was completely gone.

He turned away to break the eye contact. '' Or bloody _nothing_. Just stay away, as far as possible.''

He rolled on his heel with his black new polished shoe, and began walking to the exit with rapid and quick movements to get out of there. One hand reached out for his tie, and he untied it with only one movement.

Hermione stood stiffened to the ground. Was this his way to stop an argument that he couldn't win or explain? Was this his way to avoid questions that he didn't like? She wouldn't give him the opportunity to leave. She didn't _want _him to leave like this.

Hermione took a deep breath, and followed after Draco out the library.

X

Draco's heart was beating with quick movements, bumping into his ribs for each of the beats it made. If it wasn't for the cool air filling his lungs, he might have felt the pain of it. If there was someone he could have complained to, he might have done that too. He wrapped his black coat tighter around him, as he walked his way down the hill to the forbidden forest, trying to keep his straight at least until he met his father. He needed it then.

'' If there is a God somewhere, then I wouldn't mind getting some help now.'', he mumbled.

Another wave of wind attacked the skin on his cheeks, leaving rather painful hitches all over them. His nose was also beginning to freeze off.

He took some more steps on the dark grass, when he finally found his way in between two of the tall trees and disappeared into the endless amount of them. He just wished Hygrid didn't suspect anything. The last thing he needed was to explain the teachers what he did there. He pulled out his wand, with the fingers that actually remained their feelings.

'' Lumos.'', he whispered. The tip of his wand gave him light enough to see clearly into the forest. He began walking somewhere in, hoping to find the place soon enough to survive, and not to freeze into death. One of the trees caught him by his coat. He tried to get it off, but it was already ripped through. He decided the best would be to leave it.

Taking the coat off, the only thing that was left was his thin polo sweater. After some steps, he actually wished he would keep his coat on.

He placed his hands in front of his lips, breathing hot air to warm them. Of course, this was not very useful, but still it was _something. _He continued his way in between the trees. The forest seemed to have no end at all, especially not in the dark.

Draco heard a sound somewhere from behind him. He turned around, narrowing his eyes to get a better view under the light of the wand.

'' Father?'', he asked, narrowing his eyes even more. There was no answer to get.

Draco shrugged his shoulders, continuing his way into the forest. Maybe he was just getting paranoid because of the overpressure of darkness around him. Would not surprise him after all.

In front of him, he could finally spot another wand lightened up by lumos. Three wands, actually. He sank his hand to get a better view of the place. There were rocks standing beside the small spots of light, and something which seemed like deep voices reached his ears. He resumed his walking, and when he finally was close enough he could spot the persons.

The first one he recognized immediately. It was Snape, with his black hair and black robe. The other one he recognized almost immediately as well. A tall, pale man with a dark, black robe as the night covering his body, long hair with color very equal to his own, and a pimp cane in one hand. There were no doubt about that being his father, Lucius Malfoy. The third one was pretty obvious as well. Black, curly, bushy hair, and a black long dress. His aunt, Bellatrix.

_Ah, auntie decided to pay me a visit, _he thought with an evil smirk.

Draco massaged his fingers to make the blood work properly, and extinguished the light coming from his wand as he finally had just some small steps left to the goal. It was a feeling both of terror and relief.

His father turned around, in an awfully slow movement. His hair barely moved. '' Ah, Draco. We have been expecting you.''

Draco licked his cold lip as he stopped in the background of it all. He didn't feel completely safe standing close to.. his father.

Lucius stretched out an arm towards him, as if he was the most caring father he would ever get. '' Step forward, Draco. Don't be shy.''

Draco took a look around, and stepped one step forward to the others. Snape gave him a welcoming gaze, and Draco returned a thankful one. Thanks for what? A welcome into the hell?

'' Long time, no see, Draco.'', said Bellatrix in an awful kind tone.

Draco nodded. '' A pleasure to see you again.''

She began laughing, only silently. Even thought, it was no pleasure. The sound of it sent lightnings through the whole length of Draco's body.

'' Severus told us you accepted the request about becoming an...'' Lucius stopped, rubbing his chin. '' _owl _for the Ministry. Is that right?''

'' I accepted the request, but the point was never to actually work for them. Only give false information, which would make them pleased by my cooperation.'', Draco answered, already shivering of the wind under his polo sweater. It didn't help moving his feet either.

Lucius looked satisfied. '' Very well. And how will you lie, if I may ask? They are not _children, _Draco. Dumbledore is indeed a very clever and intelligent man. I won't lie about that.''

'' I haven't quite thought about that yet.'', Draco admitted. He wrapped his arms around his body to subdue the wing coming from the shivering trees. It was weird such a weather existed in the beginning of May.

'' Draco is a clever and intelligent boy as well, Lucius. I am sure he will make up something.'', Bellatrix answered him while studying Draco from top to toe. Draco tried hard not to glare at her intense staring.

Lucius began walking around. '' Yes, indeed. I am persuaded_. _I don't have any other choices than to believe that.'', he answered Bellatrix. '' Back to the case. Draco, Severus also told me you wanted to consider the mark again. That is a clever choice, honestly. It is good and pleasant to see that your son actually got some wit.''

Draco swallowed. '' I'm not quite sure yet.''

'' I'm afraid you will have to be.'', Lucius smirked in return.

Bellatrix nudged Lucius by his shoulder. '' Come on, Lucius. Give the boy some time. He is just eighteen!''

'' _Just _eighteen? He is a man, for Merlin's sake!'', Lucius growled. He fingered his pimp can between his fingers. '' He is mature enough to take reasonable decisions in time pressure. I will give him one minute to think well through this.''

'' Don't forget that the boy is still a part of the Hogwarts community. Everything will change if he decides to become one of us.'', Snape reminded cautiously. Draco had a feeling it was most to remind him about it, not Lucius.

Lucius stopped. '' Sure it will. He will finally become a real man, with ambitions.''

Snape rolled his eyes. '' How intriguing.''_  
_

'' I am sorry ,Severus, if I am boring you.'', Lucius answered to Snape's sarcasm. Lucius stopped, and turned back to Draco. '' Are you done thinking?''

Draco was just about to reply something smart in return to his father, but got interrupted by a sound coming from the direction he arrived in. He took a quick look between the trees there. Everything was just pure black. He heard a sound of a breaking branch on the ground, and narrowed his eyes to get a better view. It was right then, in that particular moment that his heart stopped and got stuck between his ribs in his chest. It was _really _stuck. His eyes focused on the silhouette of a body standing between the trees he passed just some moments ago.

'' Well, well, well. Look who we got here.'', Lucius said grinning, as he also noticed Hermione between the trees. '' The Gryffindor mudblood, isn't it?''

Draco stood petrified. The coolness was nothing comparing to what was about to happen, right in front of his eyes.

'' Let's fullish our Lord's wish, then. I guess this will be his biggest prize so far.'', Lucius grinned as he fingered his pimp cane with his long, elegant fingers. He pulled out his wand unnoticed from the other pocket. Slowly...

'' Hermione...'', Draco muttered with his frozen lips. As his lips uttered her name for the first time, it sent a lighting from his spine, into his heart, and back into the spine. She met his eyes. Draco swallowed down the feeling that was back again in his throat. They were much darker than he could remember. The gold inside them didn't beg for attention, because it was long gone. Yet, she was so light, through all the dark surrounding him... So pure... She wasn't supposed to be surrounded by these people.

He shuddered. Neither by him.

Draco could see on her chapped, dark lips, that she was trying to mutter something back, but it was in that particular moment that the worst could ever happen.

* * *

**Chapter comments:**

One of you have asked about more of the "tasty" parts kind of, and I will just tell you that i am really building up to it. :)

Thank you so much for your patience and everything!


	15. Chapter 15

**Forbidden**

**XxX**

**Chapter 15**

Hermione's breath was staggered as she watched Draco stand there among the Death Eaters. Was he one of... them?

Was she really wrong when she thought he could be healed and saved from the darkness? Was there really no way? Was he...

Hermione felt something twitch in her chest. She muttered his name slowly with her lips, watching his silver, shining eyes, shining their way through the darkness and into her own.

It was a sickening feeling that she wanted to wrap her arms around him, until all the evil and dark in the world fell into pieces. Much because she thought the most of the dark resided inside _him._

She removed him from her view, frightened of doing something stupid. He would never forgive her. Her eyes moved, and focused on the three Death Eaters instead. They strayed over to Lucius.

It was uncanny how much he looked like Draco, but he was prettier than Draco, if such a thing was possible at all. There was that innate elegance to the elder Malfoy that Draco hadn't quite acquired yet. Lucius was more like a... _painting_, Hermione decided. More like art. Oftentimes disturbing in content, but exquisite in its rendering. It was a sharp and jarring kind of beauty he had gain. Draco's features, on the other hand, were decidedly more masculine, with those strong muscular parts of his body everywhere. They both had this piercing colored skin, pale as the shining moon itself.

She suddenly understood where Draco got this magnetic, charismatic charm from.

Hermione's eyes widened as she watched Lucius slowly, but determined raised his wand against her. She tried to sidestep behind the tree to escape his incoming attack, but her feet wouldn't listen. Instead, she began panicking against her will. It only made her even worse. Her eyes flickered from side to side for a way to escape if her feet would listen.

But it was too late.

'' Sectumsempra!'', Lucius shouted out with a very vicious smirk on his face.

His pale hand moved through the air, and Hermione watched as the white light from its tip began moving towards her. The only thing she got out was a whimper.

Someone began laughing out, and Hermione recognized the evil voice of Bellatrix almost immediately.

Hermione clenched her eyes together, as she stiffened. She covered her face with her arms, crossed somewhere in front of it, and felt over to the ground with a speed that only Harry could manage to make on his broom. Like a rocket ship through the atmosphere on its highest speed. She heard how the Death Eaters apparted one after one, with these small sounds like clasping coming from beside her, and knew she was left here alone to die.

Hermione choked on a cry. For her, this was the worst way to die. With a victory to her enemies, alone, in the dark, cold...

She breathed out in a way of surrender, already awaiting the intense pain from Snape's curse to take over her limbs and the rest of her body, bleeding to death. The intense pain og slashed, splitted and ripped flesh together with skin, the feeling of her own hot blood flowing out of her to leave her cold, and the feeling of a soul released into the atmosphere for its last travel.

But the pain never came.

The cold air was grabbing her body under her jacket. She tried to raise on her feet, but the only thing she managed was to get a support on her arms, raising into a crawling position. She tried to straighten her jelly arms, as she searched for her wand on the ground. The lumos was long quenched, and it would take time to find it.

She suddenly heard whimpers coming from the other side of her. Hermione abandoned her thought about finding the wand, and turned her head around. She was met by a strong wave of wind together with a view that made her want to cry out even harder.

'' M... _Merlin's grave._''

Hermione's need of air got much bigger, as she crawled over to Malfoy, who was laying on the ground. His body parts were wrenched into a very frightening position. For someone who didn't see his lips moving, it would look like he was murdered. His eyelids were lightly closed, and he desperately tried to move his arm over to the left side of his stomach. For each time, it loosely felt back to the ground again.

Hermione took the last crawl to be beside him. She was experiencing a loss of words. '' Malfoy? How...''

He grabbed her by her wrist. His eyes snapped opened, and he searched for eye contact with her. His eyes were completely blank. There were nothing left of that anger residing inside them. Only the emptiness. There were several sweat drops on his forehead, running their way down to moist his cheekbones.

Deep inside, Hermione understood what happened. She realized that the only reason for why she didn't experience the pain, was all because of him. He reached to her in time, pushing her down to the ground.

She tried her hardest to deny the fact, so she wouldn't feel guilty. She had to stay focused, and not getting overfilled by confusing emotions. She had to keep cool in her head.

'' Malfoy, you are hurt.'', she whispered out stating the obvious, as she fumbled with his polo sweater to take a look on the injures. He was beginning to shake from the pain and wind together, with his head turning from one side to another.

Hermione wrapped up the last part of his sweater, and almost fell back of the view. Her lips were apart, as she searched for words to utter. His pure, red blood was covering his usually light skin, all caused by a big, deeo, opened scar over the right side of stomach. The new, fresh flesh were ripped through, and there were blood gathered in the deepest spot of it. Her hand betrayed her logic, as she reached out to touch it. Her fingertip located his hot blood, and the hot sensation spread into her spine.

He choked on a whimper. '' You touched my blood... fuck.''

Hermione ignored his attempt to crush her and break her down. She knew what exactly he was referring to, only now it didn't matter. Her own blood again.

She quickly raised to her feet, so abruptly that she was beginning to get dizzy. '' Don't move! Don't...'', she commanded him.

She began walking around, looking for her wand on the area around the trees.

'' I would, but I... can't.'', Draco whispered.

She almost stumbled as she finally got a hint of her wand in the periphery of her view. Relief spread from her head to her toes. She quickly grabbed it, and almost ran back to Draco, still laying there. She fell down on her knees beside him, wrapping his sweater up again. He released a moan.

She placed the tip of her wand over the scar, as she tried not to scream of the sudden bloodstream coming out from it.

'' Vulnera sanentur.'', Hermione said with a low voice. The flow of blood flowing down to the ground got eased up, and Draco's hands were knotted up into two knots of the pain coming from this action. Hermione repeated the heal, and the second time the wound began to knit up. Draco's hands took a hard grip around some of the grass surrounding him to reduce the pain.

Hermione looked at him with worried eyes, feeling the guiltiness for getting him into this taking over. She knew it would only get worse when he would be able to talk. This was one of those things you could never forgive yourself for, when you knew the reason. She bit her lip, and finally repeated the spell one more and final time. The third time it removed the most visible part of the scar near- instantaneously.

Hermione bit her lower lip even harder already feeling a small drop of her own blood on her tongue, as she with her shaking and frozen fingers fumbled to roll the sweater down. Her knees shook as she tried to raise.

Draco raised his torso up into a sitting position, as he looked somewhere into the air. He was regularly licking his lips. '' Granger.''

Hermione span around to face him. '' Yes?''

Draco peered at her. '' What the fuck were you doing here?''

'' Following you-''

'' You could be _dead. Fucking dead, _Granger!'', he screamed back at her, in a harsh way. For the first time in her entire life, Hermione spotted a hint of him being worried, but she didn't comment it. She though he hated himself already for showing it. This was.. new.

'' You were-''

He licked his lip again. '' We will talk about that later.'', he interrupted. '' You know that hut further inside the forest?''

Hermione nodded swiftly. She remembered the hut very well, since the time Ron showed it to her. It was a small, cozy hut in the middle of the forbidden forest, with an unknown owner. Most probably the true owner died some decades ago, but there were still visitors some time after the incident. That was according to the duvets, pillows and the curtains. Now it was all abandoned again.

'' Apparate me there.'', he commanded. He smirked, with an odd laugh following. '' I could have done it myself, but I might have splinched myself.''

Only the word splinch made Hermione shudder. She nodded, squatting beside him. She grabbed him gently by his wrist, and apparted directly to the hut he wanted her to.

**XxX**

Draco took a look around, as Hermione turned on the light in the cottage. He found himself in the living room of the cottage. On the floor, he spotted two green couches of the old style. There were bookshelves with old, dusty books filling the walls, and the walls themselves were wooden. Nobody ever took time to color them into something more modern.

Draco raised on his feet with the strength he still possessed in his legs, and walked a little around. The windows leading into the dark forest were covered with red curtains, a little ripped on the sides. There stood also a parched and shriveled plant on the windowsill. He rolled swiftly on his heel to spot the doors. One into the kitchen, and the second one into the bedroom.

He took some steps into the bedroom, switching on the light to study it. The first thing he spotted in the middle of the room, was the thing he loved most about staying other places than Hogwarts. A double bed, all for himself.

_That will be rather splendid, _he thought with a malicious grin.

Draco left the door frame, and headed for the kitchen instead. His knees began to shiver, but he wouldn't manage the night without some alcohol to calm down. At least coffee.

He stumbled over to the kitchen counter, and leaned all his weight on the end of it. _Merlin, that cursed spell took whole my energy. The bloody second time of my life, _he thought while rolling his eyes. Yes, he still managed to be the old, arrogant Malfoy, even now.

He remembered very well how Potter chased him in the Myrtle's bathroom. The time he almost got killed, if it wasn't for Snape's rescue right there. He remembered what a shame he thought it was for his pride. Oh, he thought he would die just of the shame he brought over his family. Scarface beating out Malfoy during a duel in Myrtle's bathroom. Now as he thought about it, it was _pathetic._

'' Malfoy! You need rest.'', he heard a girl's voice say.

'' Granger, I don't need your fucking help or advices.'', he snapped back, as he stumbled further down the bench and to the cupboard. He opened up the door, and grabbed a bottle of something which seemed like a bottle of old wine.

_Luck is with me, _he thought victorious as he slammed the door closed.

Granger frowned as she approached him. '' Give it to me.''

'' What?'', he asked her.

'' Give it.'' She was standing close to him, reaching an arm for the bottle.

He frowned back at her. '' Why?''

'' You need _rest, _not alcohol. Give it to me, before I put you to sleep.'', she said, with a voice that was supposed to sound threatening.

Draco sniffed. '' You don't dare.''

Just when he finished saying that, his foot stumbled un coordinated to the side and he felt down to the kitchen floor. Luckily, he managed to keep the bottle in his hand and didn't crush it, but he had no energy left to raise again. He tried several times, but with no luck.

Hermione pulled out her wand. '' Wingardium leviosa.''

'' Hey, wait!'', Draco said when he was in the air. '' What the fuck are you doing? Have you gone mad?''

Hermione directed him out the kitchen door, and in the door beside it, leading into the bedroom. When Draco was safely placed over the bed, she put him down with a slow movement, so he wouldn't get hurt.

Hermione sat down beside him. '' Lay down.''

Draco narrowed his eyes suspiciously. '' Forget it.''

Hermione rolled her eyes, and with only one gentle push by her hand he felt back on the bed. His head met the pillows, and the sensation of these two together reminded him of the time when Pansy did the same, followed by unbuttoning. Only Granger's movement it was soft, pleasant, and...

He cursed his mind for thinking.

'' Let me take a look on your scar.'', Hermione said as she began rolling up his sweater.

'' Don't.'', Draco hissed.

She rolled her eyes over again. He would never tire of arguing, would he?

He rolled to lay on his stomach. '' I told you not to touch me.'', he snapped. '' It would be better if you left.''

Hermione crawled over to sit beside him. '' I can't just leave you here. I have the responsibility.''

Draco turned around again. '' Well, you will have to leave. You can't sleep here.''

'' I have to. You can take the bed, Ill take the couch.'', she replied, shrugging her shoulders. '' I promise you I won't tell you I'm scared for the dark.''

Draco choked on a laugh as she reminded him of that night.

'' You can't stay, Granger. Non of us are supposed to be here, and it wouldn't be any better if both of us disappeared. People may start to get...'', he stopped. '' _Suspicions. _And we don't want them to do that, do we?''

Hermione sighed. '' They won't. I will return tomorrow. I just need to assure that you are healed.''

'' You can't stay.'' Draco remained on his side of this argument.

'' I told you, I have to-''

'' Bloody hell, Granger. You _can't. _What if my daddy decides to return? He will fullish his...''

'' I promise, I will be gone tomorrow morning.'', she said.

Draco shook his head. '' You are _leaving._''_  
_

'' You are not my boss, Malfoy!''

" No, but I have the right to decide if you will sleep here-"

" Stop it!"

Draco scowled. '' Godric, Granger! I never asked you to follow me. It is all because of _you _we are here, because of _you _that I got hurted, almost _killed._ And because of _you _that I will stay here, instead of Hogwarts.'', he hissed. '' Because of _you, _being such a selfish bitch, following me where you weren't allowed to. I told you to mind your own business, but the mudblood bitch just won't learn, will you?''

'' I'm _sorry, _okay? I'm sorry! I never meant to!'', she said, with a tremor in her voice. '' If you really think I am such a bitch, then why save me? You should let me face the attack then, Malfoy!''_  
_

For the first time, he really managed to hurt her enough to see the tears in her eyes. Draco understood he had gone too far this time. Every human instinct inside him told him he should apologize for the wirds he just said, but his inner Slytherin reminded him of keeping his Malfoy pride.

_Pride is the first priority, _it told him.

He grabbed her by her wrist. '' Don't you dare turning away from me.''

'' Ill do whatever the fuck I want to.'', she said, waving his hand off her wrist.

" I'm not done with you."

" But I got nothing more to say.", she said as she began raising.

She was acting against his will, and he wouldn't tolerate that. It was making him look like a total fool, something he couldn't live with.

" Hey, mudblood bitch. I'm not done with you, I said!"

He immediately stretched out to grab her by her shoulders, pushing her down into the bed. He studied the small drops running down her smooth cheeks, leaving spots of water on her creamy skin. He did what he could to stop his hands, but they betrayed him, and with his thumb he wiped them off as gently as he could.

She just looked at him.

**XxX**

Hermione tried her hardest not to cry in front of him, but he made her feel even more guilty than she already did. She thought it wouldn't be possible, but he managed it. She pushed the remaining tears in her eyes again, to where they came from. She was not going to show any more weakness to him.

Hermione swore to herself that if she would start crying again, she would never forgive herself for that either.

'' You are beautiful.'', he suddenly whispered. His lip twitched as he said that, but it wasn't in the way it did when he was angry on annoyed. It was... different.

Hermione just continued staring into his eyes. He managed to surprise her again. She opened her lips slight apart, wanting to answer him, but she again experienced the loss of words. It was beginning to happen quite often. Those things he could suddenly say, that made you want to...

'' You are a liar.'', Hermione replied as deadpanned as she managed. She understood what he was about to do. Make her melt, and then again trash her, making her feel even more guilty.

Draco shook his head. '' I'm not. You really _are _beautiful.''

Hermione narrowed her eyes. She was going to save some dignity. '' You are a bloody liar, Malfoy. That is not what you really think. Don't mess with me. Just stop playing around.'', she said as firmly as she managed. Her vocal didn't make the sound she wanted to.

'' Fuck you, Granger.''

There were silence. Hermione couldn't say she even considered protesting as his mouth caught hers. He touched her lips as if this were their first time. The kiss of their life. His tongue licked her lower lip to taste her, and she placed some small sucks on his, as their wet sounds mingled between their heartbeats.

The blood rushed to her head and her lips, making them even more sensitized.

He tilted her lips aside with the tip of his tongue, and she parted them with a moan from deep inside her throat. His thumb tilted her by her chin so he could reach her better, as he finally entered her. He tasted... apple. Always apple. Hermione's arms ached for him, and she got a firm grip of his polo sweater, pulling him further down to her. His hot and moist breath was creating wonderful feelings between her lips. She never remembered feeling so alive, so save, so warm, so comforted, this rush...

He sucked on her lower lip, pulling it with him from side to side as he tried to explore more of her. The blood rushing into her head accelerated with each every movement. His lips touched her with a strong obsession, before he finally pulled out.

His eyelids slid open, and he looked down at her. ''_Fuck. _What are you doing to me?'', he asked, as he decided to suck her lip some more.

Hermione rested her head on the duvet, keeping him close. '' I don't know.'', she answered him between the kisses.

He pulled out again, and this time he was pulling completely away from her. She lost her grip around his sweater. He sat up, turning his face away as if he suddenly got disgusted. Hermione raised as well, placing herself right behind him.

'' Draco-''

'' I should never have done that.'', he said, desperate after... something. '' I'm just... lost.''

'' I know you are. I believe you.''

Draco shook his head. '' No, you don't understand.'', he responded. '' I'm _completely _lost. I don't know who I am anymore. Nor why I am living, who I can trust, how to act, what to do...''

Hermione laid her palm softly against his cheek from behind. He needed a shave, she thought. She awaited a reaction of disguest or protest, but he remained still. '' You can always find your way back. It is never too late.''

Draco turned his head to face her. His eyes were still focused down. '' For me, it is, Hermione.''

Hermione stiffened as he mentioned her name. It was the first time she heard him actually call her Hermione. It made her insides twitch and turn around. Her name sounded completely flawless and beautiful on his lips. She would do everything to hear him utter it every day.

'' Believe me. It isn't. You just have to trust yourself this once, and don't let others control you. Like your father...''

Draco froze still as she mentioned Lucius. '' I don't know if I can call him my father anymore.'' He stopped. '' You see? This is what I am talking about. I don't have any idea where my life is taking its way. The control I once had is slipping between my fingers, leavkng me here to die among the thousands of people I don't trust ...''

'' Don't forget to breathe, Draco.'' Hermione looked him severely in his eyes. She wanted to help him with everything she could, but first he needed to trust her. Perhaps, maybe _she _needed _him _to trust _her. _Otherwise, the darkness would suck him too deep in. He was already about to pass that thin line.

'' I can help. But first of all, I need you to trust me.'', she told him, keeping his eyes steady. '' Do you understand?''

" But you don't trust me.", he answered blankly.

Hermione gave him a mild look. "I would like to trust you."

He studied her, as if he was trying to decide if she was either lying, or very, very far away from her usual behavior.

'' Why would you help me?'', Draco asked her dryly.

That particular question made Hermione think. Why _would _she actually help him? He told her to stay away from his problems, but right now she was doing exactly the opposite. What was it about him that made her feel sympathy? She couldn't understand. Was the issue just her being such a caring person, or was there something else beneath the facts?

'' I just... care about you.'', she answered him. The answer sounded too simple, Hermione realized. She had to search deeper.

Draco took her hands in his, making soothing circles with his thumbs. '' It's difficult for me. To trust.''

'' I know.''

There was a moment of understanding in the atmosphere. She realized that to fix him, would take time. There were many crushed and broken things residing inside him, keeping him away from the good. Through the years, there were many demons building walls inside him. If she could just find a way to break the walls down, and help him finding a way to trust, to live, to _truly _live...

'' You need to rest.''

Draco glanced at her. '' I can't rest.''

Then, as unexpected as his answer, he pressed her down onto the bed, catching her between him and the mattress. Her legs were caught between his. Hermione's hands got a prisoner, equally to the time in the Hospital Wing, but this time: she didn't try to detach. This time, she laid quietly underneath him, waiting for the next action. He looked at her as if she was something impossible to get, something forbidden. Every logical part of her brain, every part inside her begged to pull out, to escape.

But it was her brain speaking.

Not her heart.

Hermione could feel his moist breath somewhere beside her neck. His soft lips were sensitive and gentle, sucking at her skin. She leaned back, enjoying the sudden sensation spreading from where he touched her and down the whole lenght of her body. Her stomach had a feeling as if she wanted to pee, but she knew very well that wasn't the issue. She curled her toes under her, trying to reach for his earlobe. She got it in a grip between her lips, just to feel him closer.

" Merlin. You are driving me crazy.", he whispered absently. His voice sounded drugged, as if he were deep down in an alcoholic trance

He kept her arms down with his weight, as he at the same time tried to pull her shirt over her head. Hermione moaned, tried to detach, wanting to help him, but he wouldn't let her. He stopped pulling as he reached her neck, because pulling it over there would cause him to release her. His hands slid down her chest and under her, to the part of her back where he unclasped her bra. He pulled it somewhere up her chest and away from her breasts, and her nipples suddenly became tiny beeples. Draco stared from her face, to her breasts. They seemed to enjoy the attention he was giving.

" Merlin, the things you are doing to me, Hermione...", he whispered. " That accelerated heartbeat, the need to tease you, the wish of sitting you into my lap during the breakfasts while whispering the most wonderful words into your ear, tuckling with your curls, tell me. What is it?"

Hermione closed her eyes as he began sucking on the skin under her breasts. She gain goosebumps all over her chest. She bit her lip hard, not to make sudden and loud sounds. " Love."

Draco slid his tongue upwards and between her breasts. His hair was teasing her, tickling her. " What did you say?"

Hermione clenched her eyes together as he began sucking on the areas around her nipple. Her hands took a hard grip around the duvet to reduce the moving sensation. "_ Love,_ Draco._ Love._"

Draco stopped his sucking, pulling away to lick his wet lips. He was looking into her eyes with a gaze that made you want to join a nunnery. So hot, so alive, so bewildered... he was just so real like she had never seen him before.

" I'm not capable of loving, Hermione. I'm... cold. Emotionless." His eyes gain a look with sadness.

" You are capable, Draco. Deep inside you, you are capable of everything.", she said with her eyes half shut of the remaining feelings he made her feel. " Just trust. You have to trust. At least trust your feelings."

Draco leaned forward to kiss the corner of her lip, so gentle as he never did before. " I have never loved...You will have to teach me. How to love."

" Do it in your way, and you will make it right.", she promised him.

Draco released her arms, and she shot up to help him with his sweater right away. His black polo sweater got pulled over his head, and Hermione could finally get a close look on his abs. She pressed her palms against his chest to feel his hard musculature. They moved downwards, moving over the lower part of him. Draco released a sigh, as he ran a knuckle over her cheek. Her eyes moved over to the fresh scar ripping up his skin. She laid her fingers carefully against it, letting them ghost over it. She frowned as she finally laid her palm against his waist. Draco closed his eyes of her action.

" You know, I would have saved you, even if it was avada.", he whispered, with his eyes lightly shut. She knew he would hate for telling her that later.

Hermione laid her palms against his cheeks. " Never say that."

He opened up his eyes, finally pulling her shirt and bra over her head. He tossed them both aside. " I'm just telling the truth."

That was enough for Hermione to hear. Her hands slid down his naked chest, as she unbuttoned his pants. She realized he was beginning to change. Right here, right in front of her. Draco's chest raised heavier as he pulled off his pants, with only his boxers left. Hermione laid down on her bed, resting against it while she let him unbutton her as well. There was nothing else she wanted now, than to truly feel him, exchange the desperation inside their souls, aching for each other...

**XxX**

Draco hooked a finger around her light pink panties as he began tossing them down.

" Draco...", Hermione suddenly said. She wasn't actually going to tell him that she couldn't do it? She couldn't possibly do that, now as they went so far. He would stab himself if she would. " I don't want me to be your biggest mistake and regret."

The innocence in her glancing eyes left him stunned for some seconds. He knew she gave him the last chance to finally trash her and escape the problems it would give him and his precious pride. The other alternative she was leaving him, was to feel alive. To finally understand the things he never did. The things he never experienced, the things he was never taught. She was giving him the chance beween two different things, two ways.

It frightened him to think of choosing her. It was terrifying. He might as well be playing with the lightening. It could cost them both the death. It was forbidden, it was dangerous and it was something which could make his family turn completely away. With her as his choice, he would be stampled as a blood traitor and shoven aside as trash and a burden. Many doors would close, and everything that was callen a pride could be forgotten.

And still, Hermione made him forget everything about his father, his doubts, his problems, his crushing pride...She made him feel like home. She had become his daily life rhytm.

His heartbeat.

Right like this, after a week. No matter how stupid it might sound, Hermione was the only one understanding him better than he did himself. She was the only thing that actually found its way to his bloodstream, through all the walls he had built up. She was powerful against him.

Her skin.

Her touch.

The kiss.

The rush.

Her.

Bloody Godric. He hadn't realized this all until now.

She had become his weakness.

Could he really let her go? Was his pride really more important?

Due to the things his father had taught him about blood prejudice, he had to.

He had to let her go.

It would be the best for them both.

He had to.

He tuckled a curl behind her ear, resting his forehead against her. He swallowed down the anxiety built up inside him. " You won't be."

He felt her getting goosebumps all over her body as he uttered his choice. He swallowed again, before kissing her closed eyelids to relax her and himself. Then he pulled down what was left between them.

Draco could feel how Hermione's soft lips soothed him with wet kisses all over his face, as his desire for her pressed up against her lower belly. He could feel how she wrapped her legs around him to come closer, as she pulled him against her. He thought he might lose control right there, taking it all too quick. His _plan _was taking it slow from here. Well, his plan was never to go so far. Never to begin. But he couldn't keep away anymore.

The tension was too big.

She was beginning to slide upwards, which made them come even closer. Draco slid his index finger inside her with medal worthy patience. Hermione released a moan, as she tightened her legs and the grip around his shoulders. He could feel the pain from his shoulder return, but he pressed it away. His thumb found the sensitive spot of her, as he circled around it to prepare her. She was ready. If he really chose her, he had to do it now.

Draco looked at her with heavy lashes. '' Are you sure?''

Hermione gave him a small nod of approving, but that was more than enough for him.

**XxX**

Hermione wrapped her arms harder around his shoulders. She could hear Draco murmur something which sounded like a curse. It was the sexiest thing she heard uttered, and the temptation of kissing him got to big. She grabbed his lips around hers, but accidentally bit his lip instead, because he thrust into her, all at him at once.

Hermione felt overheated of the hot, hard length inside her. The frustration and confusion between them that they built up this week got released into the air, with only desperation and desire for each other left. Closing her eyes, her palms slid down his hot, bare chest, and down to his abdomen to assure he was really there. She could feel the heated movements coming from them, finding their way into her. She heard the sounds she, _they_ were making as if she was a bystander.

Draco rolled onto his back, pulling her with him. She laid her palms against his chest, as she kissed his cheekbones with all the passion she possessed for him. His hands were on her hips, as she moved in movements that would give him pleasure. She could feel how his breath began getting uneven and hotter, his chest raising higher for each movement he made into her. His head got pushed back and forward against the pillows, as they rapidly moved in tact.

'' God, Hermione. You belong with me now.'', he whispered as he quickened the movements. " Do you understand?"

Hermione bit her lip as she began to come. Her sight began getting blurry, and her muscles like pudding. She tried her hardest to keep her moans inside her. " Yes."

" Only mine. I don't like to share."

He thrust into her again, and then Hermione was about to collapse from the sex and the heat, but she leaned forward and kissed him with all of her that was left.

Draco released a loud moan, and pulled out of her, because that was all he could manage.

Hermione pulled away the bushy hair hanging down her face, as she laid down beside him, striking her hand up and down his muscular stomach. She noticed his piercing colored skin to be perfectly clean, almost impossible. He looked absolutely angelic, naturally naked, with nothing covering up his body.

Just like a fallen angel.

Hermione observed him. For the first time in a long time, she could see him giving her a natural smile. Not one of those teasing and fake ones, but a real one. A warm one. His hand embraced her cheek. If it wasn't for him being tired, she would have given him so much more of herself for that one smile.

'' I can't remember the last time I actually... smiled. _Really_ smiled.'', he told her, as if he just read her thought. He opened his eyes to look at her, striking her lips with his thumb. '' Merlin, it must have been a long time ago. A very long time ago. You made me smile, Hermione.''

Hermione laid her head down on his bare chest, tilting her head upwards to kiss his Adam's apple. His words melted every of her insides.

'' Rest.'', she whispered into his ear, kissing his temple.

* * *

**Chapter comments:**


	16. Chapter 16

**Forbidden **

**XxX**

**Chapter 16**

Draco was the first to awake. He sat up against the pillows behind him and opened his bleary, silver eyes. They blinked repeatedly, as he licked his extremely dry lips in an attempt to moisten them, as they currently felt and tasted like rough sandpaper.

His eyes strayed over to the small body of the girl laying beside him.

The girl slept like if she was dead. Her dark, black lashes were resting perfectly on her cheeks, her breathing was deep and even with her chest raising and falling back for each inhale. He examined her face closer. Her cheeks had a natural rosy flush, and her lips were put into a pout as she moved her legs a little under the duvet, curling it under her. Draco felt a strange sort of calmness as he looked at her.

The feeling warmed him. It felt... comforting. He felt _safe_, which was ludicrous. He was not safe at all. He hadn't been safe from the moment he was born, not even to mention now.

Especially not after what happened yesterday. His father would soon like an explanation, which was indeed too much to think about right now.

Merlin.

In his half sleep, he realized that he was now responsible not just for his own survival, but also of a girl. A Muggleborn girl, to be concrete. A girl that couldn't keep away from harm's way, who made him feel and do strange things, and a girl who made him soften, which was a bad reaction since Draco was supposed to kill and fight. Hermione was even more of a target for Voldemort now, and it was his fault. The thought blasted away the aforementioned safeness and warmth he had felt when he looked at her.

He had to admit it. He was a self-serving creature, used to keep serve only for him and himself only. That included fighting for himself, deciding for himself, surviving for himself. Draco wasn't ashamed of this, and if there were people gathered with the same personality he'd probably be the first one to admit it.

But now, as mentioned, he was responsible for someone other's interests, and not just his own.

The thought left him stunned and empty for some seconds.

The silly girl had told him that she wanted to help him. Begged him to trust her. And still, it was very hard to wrap his brain around the fact that she had actually given herself over to him, being very well aware of what kind of person he was. After a bloody week! She barely knew him, and he barely knew her. How could they both let it happen, just this easy? It made no sense to him right now.

Draco closed his eyes. "I banish you for everything you've managed to mess up, Draco.", he whispered.

He was actually talking to himself now. Granger had officially made him crazy. Very well, a multiple thing he would have to get used to in the life of Draco Malfoy.

After all this wrapped in his mind, he wondered what would be the most reasonable thing to do.

He could walk away before it was all too late. Before anything stupid were admitted. That would have been the selfless, noble and wisest thing to do for all parties concerned, which meant _all _without any exceptions.

Or he could choose to stay. Here, with her, watching her awake next to him.

His fingers ghosted over her soft, rosy cheek, as he stroke a thumb down her jaw line. Once again, he got the opportunity to feel how powerfully she was affecting his heartbeat.

Oh well, he never thought this would be a problem he would have to deal with.

**XxX**

Hermione raised up on her torso and leaned against the pillows.

Her mind was giving her blurry pictures, and her eyes decided to mutiny as they were making her dizzy. She massaged her temporal with her fingers to relax the nerves tensing in those areas. Finally, she gathered a view of the surroundings.

It was right then when she remembered.

Everything appeared in her mind, one detail after another, and she handled it as if it was something completely natural and logical. Which is wasn't. It was as illogical, unnatural and as unexpected as it could have been.

It was questioning. How could something so wrong feel so right?

A warm feeling filled her as she realized that he had actually given her the opportunity to fill him. He'd given her the chance she needed, and she'd taken it, as the only thing she wanted to.

She also wondered if he actually understood what was happening between them as good as she did. He was _feeling _it with no doubt, but was he actually _understanding _what it was? With Malfoy's way to comprehend and handle things, she doubted it. He was of the people that needed time to work out things. And she was going to give him time. As much as he desired.

Hermione's sleepy eyes strayed over to his side of the bed, and she found it empty. The pillow was hanging half way down the bedside, the duvet given completely over to her and the lamp laying down, almost rolling off the white cottage bedside. The mind of Draco Malfoy must have decided to be furious once woken up, developing into a full blown Malfoy rage. And then he must have left her.

Just as she should have predicted.

Hermione felt a painful feeling twitching in her chest, as if her heart was stuck between her ribs. It wasn't grief. Grief would have been preferable to the guilt she was feeling. It was a strong guilt for what happened yesterday. Guilt for staying. Guilt was funny like that. Grief could be dulled over time, but guilt had a real staying power.

And then there was something else. A feeling which wasn't supposed to be there.

She worried her lip with her teeth as she wrapped the duvet around her, collected her clothes from the floor and left for the bathroom, trying her hardest to ignore the soreness.

She closed the door shut after her, wondering if it was necessary at all. She was alone. He had through all used her and then tossed her away, just like in many other occasions, she thought.

And she had actually fallen in love with him. Yes, she had. The foolish heart of her had let him get her. She had never admitted it to him, but it was all truth.

_Hermione, you fool. People don't fall in love in a week. It takes more time than that_, she reminded herself with despair when she was in the privacy of the tiny, cozy cottage bathroom.

She leaned against the sink, as she examined her reflection in the mirror in front of her. She moved some morning hair away from her face, as she watched her sleepy blush disappear into into a pair of straightened, pale cheeks. She watched herself for a long time, feeling how her stomach clenched dreadfully with admission. She was experiencing a relevation. The sort of revelation which you don't experience every day.

" I did. I don't know how, when, or why the hell I did, but I did.", she told herself, ashamed, as she turned on the water to flow down the porcelain sink.

**XxX**

The Malfoy Manor was much darker than usual. Maybe it was the cold weather, or the dark sky with heavy clouds full of water ready to flow down, but the fact was: it was _dark. _

Dark shadows were blurring across the rosegardens in front of it, leaving the leaves of the plants to shiver for a small amount of time, probably sensing the darkness as well, and the gothic windows were covered with a white, heavy mist, which was currently dancing around the pillars of it. In the background of it all you could hear the thunder approach, the sound of it skipping through the ribs. The air was also thick, and hard to breathe in. Choking.

Two black shadows were moving towards the metal gate which parted the Manor from the outside. One of them pushed the gate open with a force of wind, following the way to the entrance of the Manor. A spell was cast over it's shoulder to slam it closed again, just as forcefully as it was opened. The robes were sucking all the light that was left into it, leaving it swaying behind them like the dementors's bodies. Their steps were followed by another sound of the thunder. This time it was coming closer. Much closer.

Another slam was filling the location of the Manor's living room. A long table with black Gothic pattern was placed in the middle of the room, close to the fireplace. Some candles were blurring across the room, giving just enough light to see the surroundings.

Red, seremonial candles.

Around the table there were gathered people. People covered in black, expencive clothes as if it was an important funeral of an important Minister. Those people were not actually _people. _They were Death Eater's, to be concrete.

There was a thick silence around the table. Not even a hint of a whisper.

Just silence.

That was until some steps were approaching this particular table. A pair of shadows showed up between the pillars supporting the ceiling, and then they stopped. The taller shadow pushed the smaller down with the same force as he pushed the gates, and it felt down against the floor, the hair of it whipping against it's forehead like a whip. The hood of the robe it was wearing was pulled far forward to cover the most of the face.

'' My Lord.'', the tall shadow hissed, as he put his right fist on his left shoulder while kneeling on one knee.

A pale figure grinned from the other side of the table in a manner of ownership. '' Severus. You may sit down.''

Snape gave the other shadow a small glance before he raised and walked towards his seat on the right side of the table.

'' Well, well, well. Look who we got here.'', Voldemort drawled in a high- pitched voice. '' Show yourself.''

The shadow on the floor raised, standing on the other side of the table. It's eyes were narrowed into less than sprinkles, showing just a small amount of light that shined to Voldemort's side of the table. Voldemort lifted his arm in the air, and made a movement with his wand to pull away the hood it was wearing. There was a sound of ''swosh'' through the air as a face came to the periphery of view, and the candles were affected by the spell, moving faster.

'' Very well. We are listening.'', Voldemort said as he maneuvered in a movement of listening. He sat back into his armchair.

'' Listening to what, if I might ask?''

Voldemort lifted his chin. '' If you think, I suppose you will find.''

'' Oh yes. My trip over here was awful. Bruises all over my knees, thank you.''

Voldemort sat up in his chair again, scowling with such a force that the skull might as well be crushed of the intensity coming from it.

'' Mind your language.'', Snape interrupted from his place, sending a strict gaze to the boy on the other side.

The Malfoy heir licked his lip impatiently. '' I don't see why I should. You interrupted my fucking breakfast.''

Voldemort shot up from his seat with such a speed that the candles flickered. '' Enough!''

Ir happened in just some seconds. Well, multiple things happened in just some seconds, actually. The speed made it very hard for Draco to follow the happenings, but he was probably the most present witness.

There was a small whimper from the wizard who hung upside- down beside Draco as his eyes grew bigger, which made Draco turn his attention back to Voldemort. His face had been lightened up with a sickening look in his eyes which made you want to sink into the ground, as his wand was pulled out from his robe with a speed of a comet through the atmosphere. A shout of terror was released from the place where his mother sat, and Draco could see how his father shot up from his seat to conquer the wand which was pointed right on Draco's head. But a spell was cast, and Lucius fell back into his seat like a ragdoll.

Draco could feel how a knot was built up in the pit of his stomach, as he watched the tip of the black wand gather an intense, red sparkle pointing against his head. The intensity of it made his eyes burn, but he couldn't turn away. He was petrified. Screw the prototypes when it came to being Draco Malfoy, sometimes it was normal and rational to be terrified.

But he didn't show it. He just watched the wand with the steadiest gaze he could manage. If he was going to die now, at least it was going to happen without so much as a sound or a hint of the terror that was currently eating him up from the inside.

Before Draco could do anything to defend himself, before he could even move or think, he had been hit by the red light of the Cruciatus curse. The spell echoed against the walls of the location, with Voldemort's voice shouting it. The pain was so intense, so all-consuming, that he no longer knew where he was or what was happening. Everything which seemed to fill his head didn't matter, because all he could think about was the pain. Hot knives were piercing every inch of his skin, and his head was surely going to burst with pain. He was screaming more loudly than he'd ever screamed in his life, but he couldn't hear his own voice because the pain was filling his ears as well. The only thing he knew was that he was screaming. Nothing more.

'' My Lord, spare him. He is just a boy!'', a stranger's voice shouted.

Draco stopped rolling, and his head was starting to lighten up. His limbs were screaming from the pain of the curse, struggling to keep him together in one piece. It felt like he was being stretched and splinched. Everything behind his eyelids were black with dots, as if he'd just ran an endless marathon. There was a knife piercing his stomach, ripping it up. He couldn't feel his legs anymore, and didn't even bother raising up. The attempt would be wasted.

The Lord sat back into his seat again, glaring with all the straight he possessed. '' I thought he was much more disciplined, Lucius." He gave Lucius a glanceful gaze. " The boy need discipline.''

Lucius looked up from the table. '' Yes. Yes, My Lord.'', he murmured.

Draco could hear some steps approaching the place where he was laying, and all of a sudden a shadow was standing over him. He wanted to open his eyes, examine his current position, but he couldn't. It felt like every limb of him was finally giving up.

'' If you need a reminder, I might remind you of the details I was given. Very... interesting details, I might assure you.'', Voldemort's voice said. It was closer than ever, and the hair on Draco's back was standing up. '' That small reminder might be what happened yesterday. You... saved the mudblood friend of Potter, if I am right?''

'' That is right, My Lord.'', Draco replied as steady as he managed, trying his best not to scream of the pain that came when he was talking.'' I am using this particular 'mudblood friend of Potter' to get information. If I gave my father the chance to kill her, I would lose the source.''

Draco used his straight to push himself up into a sitting position.

'' Then tell me please.'', Voldemort said as he began to pet his wand again. '' Is the part where you two sleep in the same... bed necessary?''

'' That must be a mistake, because I was sleeping on the couch.'', he lied as he steadied his gaze into Voldemort's eyes. They were still burning, and the intense eye contact he'd managed to gather with the Dark Lord made them burn even more. He could feel them becoming bloodshot and red.

There was silence across the location as Draco noticed Voldemort's reaction to the answer. He knew very well he was about to win this time, having plenty of arguments and lies to come with if needed. There were many things a Slytherin was, and an excellent liar was one of them. Especially Draco.

'' And the mudblood?'', a witch asked.

Draco looked over at her, as his eyebrow shot up under his fringe. '' The bed, of course.''

He sighed. '' Through all, I was raised up to be a gentleman, which would cause me to give the girl the luxury.'', he replied in a way that would make her feel like a fool. His eyes returned to Voldemort, and his frown twisted into a twisted smile.

'' Then I suppose there will be no denials when I say that the girl knows too much. We must get... rid of her.''

Voldemort's eyes had a sickening glee in his eyes as he pronounced the sentence, and for a moment Draco decided the best would be to hold his breath. This was what he was afraid of. He knew that staying with Hermione would give them both huge consequences. Especially her.

Lucius needed Draco. Therefore, Voldemort would never even think of killing him. Harming him, yes. He'd experienced that just some minutes ago.

But non of them _needed_ Hermione. In that case, it was the opposite. They waited for the right chance to get rid of all the nearest Potter relatives, and now Draco had managed to give him that particular chance which they so hard tried to find.

It felt like a knife was cutting up what was left of his back. '' We still need her. For information.''

'' That is right.'', he could hear Snape say. A good thing that his Godfather suddenly chose to stand on his side.

'' Well, than do what you need to, and then we will get rid of her.''

Voldemort turned swiftly on his heel, and walked back to his seat with an uncomfortable silence. Draco raised back to his feet, leaning against the end of the black table. He noticed that his piercing colored skin was much paler than usual. He was worn out.

'' Bring it in.''

Before Draco could react, he could see how a Death Eater was entering the room. He placed a large cauldron with a boiling, red substance in it right in front of him.

Draco blinked several times to clear his vision. His teeth rattled into each other. '' The Dark Mark?''

'' That is right, Draco.'', Voldemort answered. '' It's time. This will show where your loyalty lays.''

Draco's eyes grew twice in size as a Death Eater entered, holding a branding stick in his left hand.

'' Step forward.'', Voldemort boomed.

Voldemort began to chant something which sounded like a mantra. A long curse. Draco's throat had became so dry that he couldn't even swallow. His only thought was to escape, but he couldn't move. It felt like he was drowning in wet concrete.

He stretched out his forearm towards the Death Eater, just as he was supposed to. The sleeve of his sweater was rolled up. The branding stick was beginning to get a green glow, equal to the one appearing when Avada was cast. The chant Voldemort was muttering had became so loud that it seemed to occupy all the space in the room, leaving no air to breathe in.

And then it happened. The branding stick was dipped into the red concoction, and pressed against Draco's forearm.

Draco stiffened. Every muscle stiffened, as his teeth dug into each other.

The pain. All he could think about was the pain. Again, it occupied all the space his brain left him. It was an equivalent to the Crutacious Curse. Bloody hell, it felt worse. And all this pain came from this one spot on his forearm.

And then everything went black.

* * *

**Chapter comments: **

I used some of J.K. Rowling's descriptions on the part when Draco was being tortured by the Crutacious Curse, but added and edited something of it.

Once more, thank you for reading. Never thought this would go so far! Thank you!

- Juliakri


	17. Chapter 17

**Forbidden**

**XxX**

**Chapter 17**

'' Where were you this morning?''

Ron looked at Hermione with a thoughtful look, searching her face for any clues to his answer, but it wasn't easy when Hermione was mostly looking down and pretending to read her book. She had been stuck on page ten for the last twenty minutes, and it didn't seem like she was getting any way with it. At least so far, she was doing pretty bad.

She looked up at Ron, raising an exasperatedly eyebrow towards him. '' In my room.''

'' No 'Mione. Blaise had been searching for you, and he told us all he'd checked the room twice.'', Ron answered incredulously, narrowing his eyes for each word.

Hermione, meanwhile, was about to lose her patience. Her patience lasted much longer just some days ago, but her nerves have been cut down, and it lasted just a second before she was full blown. '' Ronald,'', she said crossly. '' I'm not playing these games with you. You asked, I answered. I was in my room the whole morning, sleeping like dead.''

He sniffed in return. '' Never thought you would start lying.''

'' I am not lying, Ronald.'', she answered, steady enough to feel her teeth rattle.

He leaned towards her. '' Then why are you being twitchy?''

Hermione slammed her palm against the table. Now, there passed her final patience. '' I am _not _twitchy! And Really,even if I was what you called 'twitchy', it's non of your business!''

'' Well I am your _friend, _if you _allow _me to call you that. Or maybe that is beyond my business as well, Hermione?"

Hermione gasped. '' Don't you _dare _using my own words against me.''

Harry, who was very busy finding the new book about quidditch had returned his whole attention to the two arguers further down the corridor. He noticed that Ron had became quite red, like if he'd just lost in a quidditch match against Slytherin, while Hermione grew paler and paler until she'd gathered a ivory colored look.

'' Hey! What's this all about?'', Harry asked sternly while pulling his glasses up his nose. He marched away from the bookshelf, forgetting all about the book.

'' Nothing.'', Hermione answered before Ron could even react, twitching her head back to her book. She took a deep breath and began reading down the page for the thousand of time, but the words just blurred together into a soup from where she couldn't separate the different meanings.

Her situation wasn't easy. No, it was the complete opposite. And it wasn't like an argument with Ron would make her feel better. The book didn't turn away her focus either, so she sat there with her head heavier than a brick.

Harry pricked her shoulder. '' Hermione. Is there anything you would like to tell us? You know you can tell us everything.''

She breathed in to fill her lungs. Her eyes were pricking from inside when her current situation returned. '' No, Harry. Thank you, but there is nothing.''

Harry did not look thrill with her answer. '' I know you might find this a very odd question, but are you sick?''

For a moment, he actually looked very worried. His eyes deepened, and so did his frown upon her. It actually seemed like he was about to fetch Madame Pomfrit right away.

'' What?'' Hermione eyes widened in amusement. She couldn't keep back a smile. '' Harry, you're being paranoid.''

He grabbed her by her arm, wiggling it from side to side to demonstrate. '' But look at you. You are skin and bones. Skin and bones!'' Then he grabbed her by her chin, moving her head from side to side to state his note. '' Pale as a bone as well. Indeed.''

Hermione sighed. '' There is nothing wrong with my health, Harry. I guess I've just had many demons to deal with lately.'' She struggled to finish what she was about to say, disbelieving it. '' But I guess it is all over now. I.. I need to stop bothering.''

Harry eyed her under his glasses in a concerned look. '' I will be fine now.'', she replied him, mostly to assure herself.

Hermione turned around, just to see Ron stare deeply at her. His blue eyes had became much darker than usual, and his pupils weren't to see at all. She stiffened, feeling how her heart slowly stopped spinning around from the anger and the pain she was feeling. Her mind couldn't recall any time when he'd look at her in this way. So deep, so intense, so searching, so...

'' Good morning.''

Hermione swallowed, and let her eyes fall quickly down from Ron to her lap. With her peripheral view she could see how Luna was holding a multiple pair of those bizarre glasses that she was known for wearing.

Luna picked up Hermione's book over her shoulder, closing it to see the cover. '' Oh. I didn't know you are interested in dark magic.'', she said in a surprised tone. '' You don't seem like such a person.''

'' Oh, I just grabbed a book...''

'' It's okay.'', Luna assured her, handing the book back to Hermione. '' I guess it is clever to learn about things like that during times like these. Maybe I should start as well.''

Harry coughed. '' Is there a reason for why you are here, Luna?''

She looked dreamy. '' Yes. Actually, there is.''

Luna picked up her tiny, purple bag from the floor and searched in the bottom of it. There were sounds from glass and other things coming from it, as if she was breaking apart all of the items. Hermione flinched and jumped as a silver spoon fell down from it, followed by a low apology from Luna. Another item followed the spoon, and Hermione could swear that she'd never seen something equal before. Something gold with a clock, but it wasn't a clock or a compass.

'' Here you go, Harry.''

Luna stretched out her arm, holding an envelope in it. There was a sad look on her face, and Hermione wondered if Harry already noticed it. Harry opened the envelope, and unfolded the white letter. He was about to read it to the public, but was taken away by something.

Hermione could see how shock and fear was eating up his eyes, and twitching his insides. She couldn't recall last time that she'd seen him so concerned. Or better said worried and at the same time terrified by a letter. It was an unusual thing for Harry, and if he was worried, than it was worth it.

The letter must have delivered some bad news.

Ron's curiosity was swaying in the atmosphere. '' What?''

Harry folded the letter back, and pulled it into the envelope. His eyes were focused down, and if Hermione wasn't wrong she could spot wet spots inside his eyes. It made her spine freeze together. It seemed like he'd been lost in a world of his own then. Sucked into something dark, equally to what was written on the letter. '' Moody and Flitwick. Both found dead at the Malfoy Manor this morning.''

It took Hermione minutes to re assure herself that what she'd heard was actually said. It seemed like all of them needed the time. The time to let the fact that they were two forces less, and two wizards further from surviving this war.

She should have been used to these news. They all should. But every time was a new shock, a new knife piercing into your body, leaving you to wonder if you will ever be able to survive this nightmare. If there are any chances to that. And she knew that this was what they were all thinking about. What they were all trying to figure out.

Hermione looked carefully over to the place where Harry's sat. Studying him intently, she could see the outburst of rage that was beginning to build up behind his steady facade. She knew what was about to happen. Harry wasn't one of the people who would sit and do nothing, but the person he was least of all; was to show the sadness. He hid it with rage. A huge amount of rage, and when it came to that, Hermione felt helpless.

'' It can't be true.'', Harry said after a time. '' No. I.. I saw Moody some days ago. I...''

Ron had raised, and now he laid a hand on Harry's shoulder. '' I'm sorry.''

Harry shook his head. '' No. I.. It's a mistake. I saw Flitwick yesterday night.'' Harry pointed against the door, looking up at all of them. '' By the... By our entrance. He was talking to McGonagall about the...''

Ron worried his lips. Hermione knew the feeling he was experiencing, the ultimate loss of words. When it came to death, there were nothing to say.

'' They are not dead.'', Harry ascertained, worrying his lips against each other. '' You know what? Fuck this shit!''

Harry threw the letter on the floor, shooting up from the chair. His hand left his side, sweeping over his hair over and over again as if he wasn't certain where to leave it.

He pointed against the letter on the floor. Fear, anger and a tremendous sadness was flinching together in his eyes. '' I don't believe this! I don't believe this shit! Ill tell the one who wrote it to stick it up his arse! Bloody-''

'' Harry.'', Ron interrupted. He grabbed Harry by his shoulders to prevent a collision between his forehead and the bookshelf. '' We are sorry.''

He held Harry steady, mumbling it again. Not that it did anything to console him. Not that it consoled any of them.

**XxX**

Two weeks passed.

People were still the same, old people wandering around from class to class and meal to meal. Death numbers were increasing, and the opposite with population. Many first and second graders were being taken home from Hogwarts to ensure they were safe, but to think about it: it wouldn't help. If the death was meant to find them, it would, either you were home or outside.

The Dark Mark appeared multiple places over the sky, which meant the catastrophe was closer. Much closer.

Forces were being prepared to fight whenever it hit down on them. The castle was surrounded by aurors, and seventh and sixth graders were taught defensive and attacking charms, which meant the other classes were either dismissed early or skipped through.

People were _terrified, _and many had given up on hiding it. Some couldn't even leave for the bathroom alone, asking others to come with them.

The whole thing was a mess, and not even Dumbledore could longer keep silence and peace behind the walls.

Well, except from Draco Malfoy. He'd became m_uch_ more silent and peaceful. Maybe even too silent and peaceful. People were beginning to wonder if he'd lost his tongue, or if it was just the fear taking overhand and leaving him into this state.

If it wasn't for these circumstances, Draco would have threw his head back and laughed, and hexed them all down until there were no limbs to find in them.

But things were bad. Remarkable bad, and therefore he was determined to keep a low profile until the war outburst. And the outburst would come.

Like now. During the whole extra week of detention his mind drifted from hexing down Hermione for ignoring him, or leave her alone to work with those bloody books which she seemed to love so much.

It was a very disturbing feeling that she wasn't talking to him. She hadn't been talking to him once during these two weeks. Neither had she been answering any of his owls. Not even turned her head around to give him a pinched look, or screamed, or punched him right in the face until blood was sweeping from all of his pores.

She chose to ignore him, which was frankly worse than any of the above.

_Much _worse, and leaving him into a state where he wondered if their night together ever happened or if it was just one of his sick imaginations.

Draco watched as she bit on the tip of her pink tongue for a moment, pondering on where to sort out the thick book she was holding with her hands. She stared at it for a moment with disturbed eyes, before she absently gathered the curly mass of her hair over one shoulder, wrapping a curl around a nail-bitten finger.

In that moment, he found Granger surprisingly feminine. In the daily life of hell and torture it was easy not to notice the subtle sway of her meagre hips when she was rushing around the castle, obscured behind an armload of books and parchments gathered from the library. But right now, when she was sorting the books from the table and into the bookshelf, it delivered his eyes a sort of comfort. Pleasant comfort.

Just when his fantasy was about to go some longer, into sitting her in his lap and kiss the smooth skin of her milky neck, she interrupted him by sneezing.

'' God bless you.'', he murmured, not even intending to.

'' I don't need any blessing from you, _Malfoy._'', she growled back, not even taking time to look at him.

Well, this was good. She was at least _talking _to him. '' I thought it was some kind of normal manners and civility to say that.''

Hermione snorted in return, giving him a gaze of lightening which was sent through his overloaded mind. '' Oh, so you have those?''

He cocked an eyebrow. '' Have what?''

'' Manners. I didn't know you have those.''

He shrugged his shoulders, agreeing. There were many things people didn't yet know about him. In fact, there were more of those than what they actually knew. It was therefore that they were folding up lies and rumors, Draco decided.

After some seconds, he chose to take the step and get the answer he wanted to. He leaned his elbow on the table, turning his chair forward to where Granger was fumbling to pull in a book between two others.

'' Are you avoiding me?''

She ignored the question again.

'' Hermione, are you trying to avoid me?'', he asked, this time louder.

She pointed an accusing finger towards him. '' Don't call me Hermione.''

'' That is your name, isn't it?'', he asked with a humorless snort.

She stepped down the ladder she'd been standing on to reach up on the highest shelf, and gave him one of those scowls that made a knot in his stomach. '' For you, it will be Granger. Ill make an exception where you won't need to call me 'Miss'.''

'' You didn't answer my question.''

She took some steps sideways to appear on the other side of the table, grabbing another book. This time, her movements were harsh and annoyed, not well thought- out and feminine. '' Not like I'm going to either, Malfoy. I didn't sign under any contract where I am supposed to answer your pathetic questions.''

He went silent again.

There was a terrible, lengthy silence. Hermione returned to the state where she was ignoring Draco as if he was just a piece of air, and Draco returned to his new, non- speaking him.

The only noise came from the books that Granger hadn't finished sorting, and leaves that were shivering outside from the wind.

'' Will you just tell me what's going on?'', Draco finally asked silent, but loud enough for Hermione to hear. '' Because I-''

'' Tell you what's going on?'', she asked him, a glare was filling her face. '' Tell you what's going on, you said?'', she said a little louder.

Hermione stepped down the ladder again. '' You don't know what's going on, do you? Or are you just pretending to be dumb? I hope it's the second choice, Malfoy! I really do.''

Draco knew she wasn't aware of her sudden shouting.

'' Calm down-''

'' I won't calm down, Malfoy.'', she said firmly, pointing a finger on the place where her heart was.

'' Stop calling me Malfoy.'' He was sick of hearing his surname instead of his name, especially from her.

She ignored it, pushing her finger further into her chest. '' You have no idea about what is happening, do you? I gave myself to you, Malfoy. I barely knew you, but I trusted you and begged you to trust me as well. I thought you felt the same way as I did, but I guess I was wrong. I guess the logic is always the right, that a feeling like love don't appear in a short time-''

'' What made you think-''

" Stop interrupting me-"

" What? You are the one bloody interrupting, Granger! Bloody Know it all-"

'' You left me.'', she finally sand. Oh hell, was she going to cry now? He wasn't going to bear it. '' You left me like the spoiled arrogant you are. Tossed me away like in every other occasion, left me to wonder if it was worth it.'' She stopped, wiping at her eyes with her forearm. " Ifyou were worth it. It was my first time, Draco, and I wasted it. Wasted in on you.''

Draco raised, and took some steps to her. He stretched out an arm, trying to fix her eyes into his, to show her that he really cares. It wasn't his choice to leave her. It was all his destiny's fault, like every other time when he'd done things he never should.

He flinched with the look in her eyes. Guilt was eating him up from inside, and he felt his heartbeat pulse in his throat. It felt like it was going to jump out of him every second now, galloping upwards and up his head.

'' Don't.'', she exclaimed, taking the steps back to make their distance increase. He swallowed, and let his hand fall loosely to his side again.

There was a lenghty silence filled with perplexion, broken emotions and hate.

Draco decided that was it." So that is what you think, is it?"

Hermione breathed out as she crossed her arms. " Malfoy, there is no need to explain-"

" Is that what you really think? That I used you and tossed you away? That you are the only one who felt something? That I'm just an emotionless moron who uses girls to satisfy my own feelings before leaving them?", he yelled, a tremor was in his voice when he did. " Do you really think so?"

" Yes it is. The facts are against you."

Draco clenched his fists at his sides. " Facts, Granger? What facts?"

She curled her lip. " That you left me alone." There was a small break. " Since we have gone so far... tell me. Why?"

Draco took some steps towards her. His eyes were blurring with the pain of what he was about to do. If she wanted to know, he was going to tell her. It was still about that bloody trust, wasn't it?

" So you want to know the truth?" His breathing was beginning to become uneven.

" Yes.", she whispered. She looked down, worrying her lower lip with her teeth. " I just want to know where I made the mistake." A break. " Because I don't see the mistake with... with loving you."

Draco couldn't hide the shock from the admissions that were popping out during this disaster. Her words and her first admission was like being punched in the stomach and slammed against the wall. Double pain, because the feelings he was feeling for the girl suddenly made sense. Everything which seemed so impossible, so hilarious, so idiotic was suddenly the only explanation. That was what she was trying to tell him. Love.

" I..." He was in loss of words. He knew the revelation would scare her, and he would never be able to forgive himself. But he couldn't hide. She deserved much better...

" I'm sorry. I guess I am mistaken. Love doesn't appear in one week-"

She laid a hand against her mouth as Draco had managed to gather her fully attention to one black spot on his forearm, contrasting with his piercing colored skin. He'd used the time she was talking to unbutton the sleeve and roll it up to show her his darkest side. It hurt his insides that she was a witness to it. She was too innocent, too pure: but that was the only solution to what was happening between them. She deserved to know.

" You... You are a...", she began to stutter. For the first time through the disaster, Draco could seek out some real tears in her eyes. " It is..."

He took one more silent step against her. " I wasn't left with a choice."

Her lips moved, but there wasn't any sound coming out. She walked against him and grabbed his forearm with her small hands. She stroke her index finger down the lenght of the snake's body. Draco's breathing became much more uneven. A tiny teardrop fell down on the dark skull sunk into the pores of his forearm, but Hermione quickly stroke it away with her thumb, continuing to stroke up and down.

" Granger.", Draco whispered softly, lifting her chin with his thumb. He didn't like her reaction. Not at all. She hadn't said a word, and it really made him ill. He was beginning to shake with fear and sorrow. He banished himself, but couldn't stop it. It was feelings coming from deep inside him, which only the presence of Hermione managed to summon. Her eyes fell down again, and she began to stutter something soundless with her lips.

He lifted her chin again, desperate for a sentence. A word. A sound. Anything. " Granger. Look at me. Don't look at it.", he whispered. " _Please._"_  
_

She did as he told her to. Her eyes had became overwhelmed with salt tears, and Draco wiped away one of them which ran down her cheek. He laid his palm against her cheek, and was afraid she would flich away from his touch, but she remained where she was. Her hand was still on his forearm, but she had stopped to stroke down it. Instead, she moved it upwards until it was around his naked neck. Draco could feel the warmness it delivered him, the warmness from her fingertips. A knot of angst was again formed in his throat, because he was so very uncertain about how this was going to develop. Never had he felt so... frightened of losing someone he actually had the chance to have.

Hermione choked on a cry. He could see how much pain he'd managed to deliver her through their time together, and he knew what it did to her. If he could just turn the time...

" Forgive me. It is all that I can ask from you."

" I...", she began, looking back on his forearm. A stray tear fell down from her eye again, and Draco confirmed his plea by wiping it away again, kissing her cheek as lightly as he had never done before. The feeling of her soft skin against his wet lips was beyond what he could manage. She flinched in his hand, leaning a little against him, causing them both to tumble backwards. For a moment, he actually thought she would reply, but then she pulled away again. It felt like his knees weakened with her movement.

" I need time.", she finally answered. Her eyes were full of sorrow and promises. " I just... need time."

Draco nodded, removing his hand from her cheek. His eyes had also turned shiny. After what seemed like an eternity, he turned away and swiped at his eyes with the back of his hand. '' I understand."

* * *

**Chapter comments:**

Hmm... well, this chapter was made in quite hasty circumstances, like the rest off Forbidden, but I hope you forgive me. I tried my best to make this full of emotions, but I guess it is up to you to decide how it went. Thank you for reading and following. As always, it means much to me.

- Juliakri


	18. Chapter 18

I would recommend the song Broken Hearts by Michael Ortega to the flashback part. I don't know, but it kinda did things to me when I re-read it.

* * *

**Chapter 18**

Hermione cocooned herself tightly in her duvet, hoping the freezing feeling from her toes to disappear. The rain was falling harshly against the window at the Burrow, like tiny bombshells on a battlefield, before they dissolved into nothing more than small drops which were the members of a competition where the goal was to get down the window first. The sound of the heavy rain reminded her of those times in the childhood where her mother would come in to check if she was sleeping through the noise, and she would pretend to be sleeping, just to stay up for some longer.

Only now, as much as she tried and desired, she couldn't pretend to do the same.

Two months have passed since Draco had disapparted. 60 days since Hermione had talked to him, seen his face well and alive. 60 days.

Many things could happen through two months. Two _whole _months. For all she knew, he could be dead. Or laying somewhere in the forest, alone, bleeding from all the wounded scars he'd gathered during a fight for surviving. She was probably being dramatic right now, but only the thought of it made her want to wrap up into a tiny, invisible ball and never have to face the outworld again.

Shivers of freeze ran through her body as she tugged her duvet around her tightly.

" _You are right_.", she heard the pale, lingering shadow say, his haunting voice was being re-played in her head. " _You don't need me. I am a burden_." A burden, it echoed in her head.

She hated it. Hated the hasty choice she had made the next day after his revelation at the library. Hated the way she'd just ignored their feelings. Hated the way he had disapparted and left her all alone in the night at the Astronomy Tower. Hated the way they had lost each other. But most of all, she hated the way she couldn't forget him.

She _hated _it.

It seemed like was haunting her. She kept on reminding herself that he was just a memory. A short memory, just a week that she'd wasted on something that wasn't supposed to be there inside her. It was never supposed to become a part of her. It was all a colossal mistake that they had both made, as she thought it was at first.

But she still felt it. The hollow he had left inside her heart once he'd disappeared. The week spot inside her. Him.

She felt him. His touch everywhere. Everywhere over her skin, his magnetizing eyes that made you feel like you were drowning, his silky hair that was sweeping through your fingers when you ran your hand through it... She felt him.

And hell, she missed him. _She missed him..._

**_Flashback_**

_Hermione breathed in the evening air, watching the fields of their school. She mentally admitted the facts that she'd never seen the true beauty of Hogwarts from this perspective. Like the tall, thick pillars from this point of view, their small transfiguration garden, or the stars that were hanging like heavy lanterns over the pillars. Maybe it was just that she wasn't having any time to spare. The weeks where the panic woke up had been heavy for them all._

_Blaise, for instance. An almost invisible, black shadow of a living spirit that was zipping around the castle from class to class and professor to professor. He was usually the first person among every of the Slytherins to be up in the morning, and with the very exception of their Professor Snape, the last to retire to his Head dormitory. He had also been very busy collecting the last papers before the summer vacation in hope to get less job when it all approached, no matter how much Hermione was trying to convince him that it wouldn't help. _

_Well, he wasn't of the boys to listen. Once a Slytherin, always a Slytherin, she thought with a sigh._

_She had just turned around when she saw a silhouette of the man that was the only one who could make her heart burst out with pain. The man who was now one of them. The Death Eater. _

_The Death Eater that was supposed to hers._

_'' I came as quick as I managed to get out from Dumbledore's office.'', he said quietly, walking towards her. __'' He asked me if I got any clues to any of my fathers doing. You know, the thing about spying to the Order. It took more time than expected.'', _

_Hermione nodded, breathing in through her nose. '' It's fine.''_

_He took a look around, licking his thin lower lip in an awaiting way. '' So... I guess you wanted to talk.''_

_Hermione recognized this as the business Malfoy. The part of him that always wanted to get the worst over and done._

_She nodded. '' Yes.'' _

_He searched her, reached her with his blank gaze. '' And..?''_

_Hermione shifted her weight from foot to foot, feeling how her hands were beginning to get clammy. '' I wanted to talk to you about yesterday.''_

_'' I know.'', he told her, nodding to confirm it. '' I understood it all by the owl you sent me.''_

_Hermione turned her eyes away from him, pushing him away from her point of view altogether. '' I used the night to think through this. I did not sleep...'', she told him, then wondered where the thing about her sleep came from. She shook the sentence off. '' It doesn't matter. What matters is that I have been thinking.''_

_She heard him take another step, but he was silent. She realized he was waiting. He knew everything about what was about to come. Either acceptation and forgiveness, or complete denial and aversion._

_'' I just...'', she began, but stopped when she looked up again. To meet his eyes was like being thrown into water covered in ice during a freezing December. Just when had he managed to get so close to her? '' Draco, I.. I don't think we are in need of each other anymore. I mean, you chose your path, and I chose mine. We are... different.''_

_'' Just when was different the problem, Granger?'', he asked her steady as if it didn't hit him, but she could see the flinch in his transparent eyes. '' I can't recall the differences between us making any sense earlier than at this point.''_

_Hermione nodded. '' That is because they weren't notable. They were slightly... invisible.'', she explained. '' Slytherin and Gryffindor, girl, boy, it didn't-''_

_'' Blood.'', Draco added with a sternly voice, reminding her about that one of their differences did always matter. The blood prejudice._

_Hermione felt her insides twitch, and the pricking in her eyes from yesterday return. She sucked in what appeared to be a fortifying breath. '' We were a mistake, Draco. A huge mistake. We both knew it from the start.'' She spoke in low, clear tones. '' It was all clear, then. I don't know where exactly the doubts started, but starting them was wrong. I don't think it will be us. I don't think there could ever be.''_

_With this, she turned away from him in an effort to regain some composure. She was being choked. It seemed like the slightest breeze of air could make her trip and fall over._

_" It is all because of the Mark. Isn't it?"_

_" Not only. It is all because of us, Draco. We wouldn't work.", she replied, blinking twice to fasten the tears. Did she believe the rubbish herself? She tried to sound convincing. " But the Mark is a multiple reason for why we would never work, even though there are enough reasons already."_

_'' Alright.'', he almost whispered. '' Put yourself in my shoes. What would you do?''_

_She turned back again, and met his eyes once again. The pain grew bigger for every second she spent in them. '' Would you deny the Mark, risking to never see the one in your life that actually made some sense, even thought it was just a bloody week? Or would you rather risk your freedom from corruption, trying to at least explain yourself?'' He paused, searching for an answer among her emotions, but she knew that right now she was being difficult to read. '' This feeling I had when I finally understood that I've fallen for you was shocking. It was illogical. It was stupid. I thought I had gone mad. But it was also passionate, a protecting whirlwind flowing over me when __I stood there, face to face with the wizarding world's biggest fear. And I don't know, but I thought about you. You were there. With me. All the time.''_

_Hermione recognized she was in serious danger of going to pieces right in front of him, but with a little effort, she pulled herself together again. Her choice was made._

_'' Our feelings won't save us from what we are going through, Draco. No matter how strong they are.'', she reminded him, getting back to the point again. She felt the bitterness return, and she knew it would help her to keep focused._

_Draco's eyes were searing, blank crystals in the moonlight that hit the Astronomy Tower. '' You are right.'', he almost whispered. '' You don't need me. I'm a burden.''_

_Hermione opened her mouth to retort, but his words startled her. '' You deserve better than me, Granger. You really do. You deserve someone who is free, free from the darkness that I am suffering from. Free from this,''- he pulled his sleeve up to relieve the mark-'' and free from whatever I am caught into. You deserve love and a painless life, which I could never give you.'' He inhaled a staggered breath. " And I accept that."_

_She had not noticed his wand in hand until now, when he lifted it, but she caught it just in time to stop him. _

_She swallowed down the inner voice of her indignant pride.'' I love you Draco, but we can't-''_

_'' Thank you, Granger.'', he said sadly, but very softly. His hand brushed away a curl of hair that had fallen down her jawline, before he stroke her. His touch. __Hermione shivered, and her breath was beginning to stagger. His touch was like being branded, and she tried so very hard not to break into pieces. '' You tried.''_

_And then he lifted his wand again, leaving Hermione alone on the Astronomy Tower, all alone in the middle of the night. _

_Leaving everything as if nothing had ever happened._

**_Flashback end_**

Hermione didn't realize she was crying until she tasted her own, painful tears, and saw the wet pools of them on her pillow even through the dark. Her eyes burst out with a pain that she'd never felt before. She was incapable of stopping it. She didn't want to stop it. She wanted to cry her eyes out until there were no tears left in them.

She took a look around to assure Harry was still sleeping. Luckily, she had not woke him up.

Hermione sighed, and pressed her head into the pillow. She wanted to shout in Malfoy's ears until blood was weeping from them and her lungs were sore, wanted to tug his hair until he was bald, shake him until his teeth were falling out, and hit his chest until he was laying on the ground in front of her with difficulties to breathe.

She wanted to make him feel the pain that he'd provided her with.

And at the same time, she wanted to touch him. Everywhere. Kiss him on all the places she could reach, stroke her palm lightly over his muscular body, hold him so tightly into her that his chest was pressing against her and they were squashing each other, feel his heartbeat inside her, listen to his voice...

God. She wanted him, and she was losing her sanity from this.

* * *

**Chapter comments:**

I am so sorry for this short chapter! I really am, but hopefully I will update the next one sooner. I am already half way down, so..

Yeah.

I hope you liked it anyway.

- Juliakri


	19. Chapter 19

**Forbidden**

**XxX**

**Chapter 19**

Time was slipping through their fingers like small corns of sand. Another two weeks passed like a quick broom flight around Hogwarts with the newest Nimbus.

Today they all decided that they were having breakfast outside in the sunny summer air.

Fred, George, Ginny, Harry and Ron. All of them.

Except from the Weasley's parents, of course. They were busy doing other things from the early morning until the late evening, Hermione had noticed.

Mr. Weasley, for instance, was a shadow using the Floo network more often than Fred and George were playing pranks at the poor people nearby, while Mrs. Weasley was writing formally letters to the Ministry about stuff like the need of inspiring speeches and knowledge of the dangerous circumstances among the population.

Obviously, they didn't have time to sleep or eat. Not at all.

Hermione put down the last bowl of fruit in front of her. A small table was holding up all the food that they had managed to find and gatherfrom the counters and cabinets in their kitchen. Hermione had a personal suspicion that it would fall together from the weight. Luckily, it was holding up so far.

'' Good morning,'', Ginny smiled. '' Mum invited the Order for a dinner here tonight.'', she announced happily as she sat down between Fred and Harry.

Harry looked up from his sandwich, chewing happily on his food. '' Sounds splendid.''

Ron sniffed, placing a hand casually around Hermione. She frowned at him in return, but it seemed like he was ignoring her. She didn't argue either. '' Why would we have the pleasure to invite the whole Order for a dinner here?''

'' It's mostly for Harry.'', Ginny said, a little ashamed of bringing it up. '' She would like you to talk with Scrimgeour and some aurors. About some steps of security and stuff. I don't know anything about it, but I guess it is obvious.''

Harry sighed, pricking his toast with a fork. It didn't seem like he was encouraged when it came to everything that had to do with Voldemort right now, but at least he was keeping up.

He had been like a rocket during these months. _They _have been like rockets during these months. They all had managed to get an overlook over all the horcruxes, found out how to eliminate them, gathered all the necessary stuff in case of an upcoming attack in one bag, and was prepared with all the necessary spells and potions in case of attacks and injuries. Hermione had personally sought out those things and put it into her bag, with a little help of Fred.

And Hogwarts took care of the spell part, giving them lectures each day before summer if needed.

George and Fred were currently whispering something to each other, sending sideways gazes to Hermione through it. She ignored it, trying to focus on the food in front of her. A pear, a toast and a portion of strawberries were laying on her blade, and she caught a strawberry between two of her fingers. She laid it between her teeth to suck out the juice of it, but she couldn't feel the taste of it.

Well, at least she was going to pretend eating to avoid questions about if she was being okay. She was really starting to get sick of those.

'' Hopefully you will get an even better overview, Harry.'', Fred said, finally turning his attention to Harry. '' Your list of possible Voldemort alliances is still not done. I mean, are you _entirely_ sure that it's just 498 of them?''

Harry nodded. '' I can't recall any other names.''

'' Are you _certain_?'', George asked to re- assure.

Harry looked thoughtful for a second, as if he was in doubts. He looked around the table, searching for something among them all. Then, he put down his fork, as if he was in a sort of surrender. '' You are hiding something, aren't you?'', he asked. '' I wouldn't mind some assistance, you know? I can't do the whole plot alone, making it all right. I am _trying, _but Merlin it is a hard task when I don't get any help.''

Hermione looked at him with sympathy. '' We know you are trying, Harry.''

'' And we are doing what we can to help, even though it isn't much.'', Ginny added, placing a hand on Harry's shoulder. He pulled her closer, hugging her into him to sooth them both. Ron was still not used to the view of it, sending them a disgusted glare each while holding Hermione tighter, while Fred and George teased them by repeating it, squeezing the flesh out of each other.

Through their further conversation, Hermione took the opportunity to study Harry closely. She could really see that he was suffering. Suffering a lot, deep inside him. This whole thing with the developing war wasn't news of course. It had never been. But they all knew that it was going to happen soon, the first attack of it. Too much time had passed to wait for any longer, and it wasn't like waiting would be a benefit for Voldemort himself. He just wanted to make it over and done.

But yeah. Harry was suffering from this. More and more for each day that passed. If Ron was of the sort to show his suffer to the public, than Harry was the opposite. But Hermione could read him straightly through, after seven years, and it felt like they were sharing it whenever she saw it.

**XxX**

The important dinner evening was approaching, and the crowd had used the whole day to prepare the needed details for the Order with a little help from Mrs. Weasley. Now as the blank papers were filled with details and small notices, Hermione noticed that it was much. Actually, it was a _lot. _The whole common room table was overwhelmed with papers, books, parchments and small pictures of the most dangerous Death Eaters, even thought the Order probably knew it from before, and Hermione pondered and wondered about where and how they had gathered it all.

It seemed impossible now as she thought about it, but then again: impossibilities seemed to be the thing that kept them all going.

'' A good thing we are done. I hope the Order will be pleased by our hard work.'', Fred told them, leaning his head against George's shoulder with a look of exhaustion.

George agreed. '' Let's babble around about our fatigue and give them a headache.''

'' Why would we do that?'', Fred asked with his brows furrowed in suspicion.

George shrugged his shoulders, biting on his lip to hold back a laugh. '' Would be fun to see them roll on the ground with hurting temporals.''

Harry, meanwhile, seemed to be in a mood where he couldn't laugh or even smile. He looked totally perplexed as he sat there on the couch in front of the table, letting his eyes roll from one side of it to the other. It looked like he was thinking of just the same thing as Hermione was some minutes ago.

Ginny was adjusting her skirt in front of the mirror, tilting her head aside as if it would look different from a different angle. It fit her just perfect on Hermione's opinion, but with the look on Ginny's face she could see that she thought different. She had changed five times already, unsatisfied with how the skirts and dresses looked on her body. She was having an equal expression right now; her nose wrinkled, and her eyes narrowed.

'' Hermione?'', she called, turning around to face her. She quickly fashioned her hair into a long ponytail. '' How do I look?''

It was ridiculous how insecure she sounded. '' You look gorgeous, Ginny.''

Ron had just appeared beside the stairs, and folded his arms. " I don't understand why girls always ask about how they are looking. I mean, do you really think someone would possibly admit that you look totally-"

" Shut up, Ron.", Ginny snapped while pulling away some loose hair from her forehead, and hiding it behind her ears. Ron sighed in return.

Hermione smiled at the younger Weasley, walking over to the mirror to stand beside her. She took a quick look at her own outfit. She was wearing a strapless, knee long, rose colored dress, with a small heart necklace that caressed her chest. Laces were waving prettily around her legs as she turned around to look at the back of the dress, pulling it a little down to gear it up. Her tall, sunkissed legs were a good combination with the dresscolor and she had used a little makeup to line up her eyes and make the sunkissed skinclor shine even more. Her curls were dangling down her face, and she quickly fashioned it up to a bum in hope for it to hold.

It was then that they heard the sound of apparating from the garden, small 'pops' which seemed to come from the members of the Order. Fred and George hurried out the front door, followed by the others.

Hermione's eyes shined once she walked out the front door. The garden seemed more beautiful than usual, even thought she was just standing at the staircase and viewing it. The candlelights were magically drifted around in the sweet smelling air, and a beautiful melody filled the flowers and trees around the Burrow, filtering everything around it. It seemed like even the lake was playing its melody.

Food was served on a long table with a long, white tablecloth, which actually seemed like it was blue from the colors coming from the mixture of the moon and the lights. Muffins, chicken, salads, deserts, drinks and many other types of food on a long, long row was served on the table in silver blades, surrounded by white porcelain blades that reflected the fairy lights of the decorations.

It was easy to admit. Mrs. Weasley had a really good taste when it came to organize dining and banquets.

Hermione could feel the happiness and the pleasant atmosphere affect her with a strong, powerful bliss. People were _happy, _which was quite unusual the last months. It was contagious how they were laughing, smiling and talking in loud, happy tones. Some people had even walked over to the small dancefloor they had made, stepping from side to side to the rhythm of the melody.

Hermione noticed that Ron was staring at her smile. '' What?'', she asked him, suspicious. '' Is being happy wrong?''

'' No.'', he said, shaking his head. '' It is just..You look beautiful.''

Ginny rolled her eyes, holding Harry's hand. '' Very smooth, Ron. You sound like you have just swallowed a goblin altogether.''

Fred and George laughed, followed by Hermione and Harry, but Ron seemed to be taken away by this as his face color rose.

'' Thank you, Ron.'', she replied him anyway, giving him a personal sort of smile. '' You look handsome yourself.''

She couldn't help but notice how his ears reddened, his cheeks had a sweet sort of flush on them, as he gently stretched out his hand towards her for her to accept it. Hermione bit her lip a little, laying her small nail- bitten hand in his, and he stroke his thumb over it. The feeling of it almost made her fall together.

Ginny and Harry had just apologized, leaving for the dinner as well as the others, but Hermione and Ron were slightly apart from the others. '' Want to go out for a walk around the lake?'', he asked her, hope was in his face.

Hermione shrugged her shoulders. '' Why not?''

Ron constantly asked her if it wasn't too cold or too warm, and she kept on shaking her head, telling the temperature itself was just fine. It was just the atmosphere, making her a little overwhelmed.

The talk was going very smoothly between them. The topics were all from their final grades, the exams and the school in general, to the more personal things like the memories they have had together through the seven years, the thoughts about the growing relationship between Harry and Ginny, the thoughts about the war, the turbulent times, and the massacres of the muggle borns.

'' I'm scared, Ron.'', she admitted, sighing sadly. '' Or maybe worried is better said. Worried for my family. The muggle borns are being brutally killed, and I am reading the muggle newspaper every day just in hope not to see their names on the front.''

'' You don't have to be. Everything will be just fine, 'Mione. I am certain.''

She sighed again. '' I really want to think so.''

'' Don't be a pessimist. It doesn't suit you.'', he commented, frowning upon her sudden insecurity.

Ron tried to sooth her by telling her that it was a little chance that the Death Eaters would ever search for her parents among the amount of people that were rushing around in London. He sounded convincing, but the inner worry didn't leave her. They continued walking in silence, hand in hand, for a long time. She could feel the way Ron was making her forget her worries and pain, making her feel slightly comfortable all the time.

All of a sudden, he stopped her, rubbing her by her upper arms. His blue eyes sparkled in a very serious way, but softened when it seemed like he noticed the tightened muscles in her arms. '' I can't tear my eyes away from you, Mione.'', he said softly. '' You know, I have always wanted to tell you how I-''

'' What a beautiful evening. Perfect weather.'', George's voice suddenly commented, having casually strolled right over to their privacy by the lake. He placed his hands on both his hips while looking over the lake with an amazed look, as if he'd never seen something equal before.

'' How very British of you, George.'', Fred yawned into his smoking, following his brother to stand beside him, giving the couple sideway glances.

'' This air scent reminds me of those days in our childhood where we could go to swim around in the moonlight.'', George told Fred, with his face still covered in the amazed lines. His hands were still resting on the hips of his smoking, and he shifted his weight to the other foot.

Ron rolled his eyes. '' Great.'', he mumbled, sighing.

'' It was getting a bit heated over here.'', Fred whistled, grinning.

'' Passionate.'', George corrected, smirking as well. '' I am smelling a love affair. Aren't you, Fred?'' He inhaled strongly through his nose to demonstrate.

Fred repeated the gesture. '' Indeed, my friend. Indeed.''

Hermione tried hard not to laugh from their hilarious comments, worrying her lower lip with her teeth. She could feel how Ron was sniffing in the scent of her hair meanwhile, pulling her lightly by her arm to the dining table. She followed him, almost stumbling over a root she had not noticed. She would have fallen, if Ron had not kept her up to steady her.

'' Thanks.'', she said, embarrassed by her clumsiness.

People were clustered to their seats by the dining table, eating as if it was the last opportunity to eat. Hermione felt her mouth moisten as she saw how delicious the food and the sparkling drinks looked from this angle. She stole a glance at Harry and Ginny, who was now talking to Dumbledore, Scrimegour and Mrs. Weasley, seeming serious and focused on the conversation topic. They were probably discussing important stuff about the sources they had gathered, and Hermione decided she wouldn't bother to interrupt them.

'' I would like to take a drink.'', she told Ron, who was trying not to glare at Fred and George's laughing faces. Fred had already bent forward to take a hold of his stomach. They had followed after them, and seemed to be determined not to leave them alone.

'' I will be there in a second, 'Mione.'', he replied her silently, beginning to walk over to his brothers with his fists clenched at his sides. But the twins were quick, and disapparted from the spot immediately.

Hermione sat down on a chair beside Luna and Neville, who were also invited to the dinner by Mrs. Weasley, with a little pleading from Harry and Ron. Hermione poured some firewhiskey into an empty glass she had found on the table. Luna was also currently sipping from her own glass, talking encouragingly with Neville about Dean Thomas and Lavender's new attempt on a relationship.

'' At least they are happy.'', she shrugged, tucking some of her blonde hair thoughtfully around her index finger.

Neville sighed. '' I actually had a crush on Lavender since the third year, and she chose Dean over me. Dear Godric, God must hate me.''

'' You must drink some tea, Neville.'', Luna said, getting a bit dreamy. She nodded towards the tea cup that he had not even touched during Hermione's presence. '' It will help you through it.''

Neville wrinkled his nose towards the damp coming from the hot tea cup, taking it up to sip at it while sobbing over how hard he had tried to make Lavender fall for him, but the only thing she ever cared for were expencive gifts, which Neville couldn't afford. He also told he thought he would have a chance, but now she had joined side with Dean.

'' Love is a hard thing, Neville.'', Luna told him honestly, cheering him up by a pat on his shoulder. '' People often happen to be broken by it. That is why I usually keep away.''

Hermione sipped once more, but felt a lump in her throat form. She recognized herself in the current situation where Luna was telling of multiple ways to be broken by love, and her mind slowly drifted to the incident on the Astronomy Tower again. It was like being turned back in time to the long night in her bed. The nightmare she was trying so hard to forget.

Time had hardened her, pulled her up, and built up a wall of proof around her feelings and her heart, but it had not healed her. At least not entirely. It didn't seem like such a thing could heal, no matter how much time would pass.

'' Hermione, for instance.'', Luna said, nudging Hermione by her shoulder. '' She can tell you all about it.''

Hermione woke up from her own universe, turning her head sideways to look at a sobbing Neville. He was staring into his glass, curling his lip back and forth with his teeth. It seemed like Lavender had really taken a nerve inside him.

She nodded, agreeing with the thing Luna had said. '' Love is a hard thing.'', she told him. And then she added something a little silently, mostly to herself.'' But it is better to have loved and failed, than never loved at all.''

Luna sighed. '' I don't even think of trying. My father always said that true love is the power that will never fade, even thought years are passing and you have been crushed in the worst way imagined.'', she said, looking up towards the sky. '' That is the way he felt for mum, and still does. He keeps on telling me he loves her.''

'' But I guess _true _love is a feeling worth to try, isn't it?''

" I don't know.", Luna replied, shrugging. " I guess it is.''

Luna smiled a little while looking over to Neville, while he seemed to be occupied by drinking his tea. The scent of mint reached even to Hermione, as he stirred a little in the teacup. A young auror further down the table gave Hermione a warm smile, and she replied it back while taking a sip from her drink. A new melody filled the Burrow, and people were happily humming to the rhythm. The dancing couples were also quickening their small steps into a walse, the beautiful evening dresses were shining from different angles.

That was when it happened. Multiple things happened, actually.

The laughing and loud talking was slowly disappearing from Hermione's hearing periphery, and people had begun to raise from their chairs, stumbling backwards against each other as if in defense.

It took approximately three seconds for Hermione to comprehend what had just happened to their feast.

A racket of screaming voices and stamping feet echoed across the grounds of the Burrow, and lights were flickering across the table, quenched by what seemed to be a storm. Hermione heard a whimper from Nevilles side, and whipped her head in the same direction as his was looking to see black shadows in a mixture with the black night sky. Actually, it seemed like it was just dark skies from the angle she was looking in, but she knew very well those were not skies.

Amongst the ear-shattering noise and chaos that was about to develop from the calm dinner, Hermione's attention was shifted over to the crowd where Harry was standing. She realized that was a matter of cause: to assure Harry's safety first of all. Scrimgeour and Shacklebolt had reclaimed their wands, casting some spells up to the sky to protect him from injuries, while Harry himself was doing what he could to protect Ginny.

It didn't seem like they had any difficulties with moving against the crop fields of the Burrow, and Hermione decided she would help the others. She reached for her wand which was usually placed by her hip with a speed that she'd never used before, but remembered that she'd left it on her bedside to prevent it from falling out her dress, because she was supposed to enjoy a peaceful dinner, not defending herself against enemies.

'' 'Mione!'' She could hear how Ron was shouting through the crowd, and whipped her head around to see him running towards her. She could feel how his strong body fell over her to protect her from a spell, and it flew right over her head, close enough to feel the wind from it.

'' Are you hurt?", Ron tried to ask her. He grabbed her cheeks and tilted her head in different angles to check her current state with worried eyes. They rolled from her lower part and back to her face, as if he was doing a healer scan.

" I'm fine.", she said with a trembling voice, trying to recome from the shock. " Wait! Where is Neville and Luna?"

The question was interrupted by a crushing blade just above them, and they both covered their ears from the sound to lock it out.

" WHAT?", Ron shouted through the mess of sounds.

" NEVILLE AND LUNA. WHERE ARE THEY?"

A powerful spell was cast towards the table breaking apart some of the glass. Firewhiskey was beginning to pour over her head with small drops, and she realized they were about to clear up by the table.

" I don't see them any-"

'' We have to leave right now, Ron.''

He nodded understainingly, grabbing her hand with his while running towards the Burrow. Hermione could see that he'd reclaimed his wand as well when he cast a rather brilliant spell over his shoulder, stunning a Death Eater that had currently apparated behind them. Hermione never believed Ron would be able to do that, but he managed to impress her when she saw how the Death Eater fell down to his knees before falling together. George and Fred were also running behind them, casting spells to cover them all up.

People were gasping, casting spells from side to side, and protecting the Weasley's house as if it was their own. While looking back at the growing army of Death Eaters and fallen tables of food, Hermione could spot Dumbledore who was fighting against a long- haired, blonde wizard, and it was very difficult to take wrong of that. Hermione felt her heart twitch harder, but pushed it away as soon as she found them running towards the crop fields to hide.

'' George! Fred! Ron!'', Hermione panted as they practically sprinted, frantically protecting their home from the endless apparating of the Death Eaters. '' I need my wand. I can't leave without it. It is upstairs, at my bedside!''

They stopped. Fred and George cast a spell on another Death Eater, but the others were quick and replaced the fallen ones. " I have to-"

Ron nodded, pushing her lightly by her shoulder. He knew just how important it was for her to have control. '' I think the coast is clear. We will back you up. The inside of our house is safe. Be quick, 'Mione.''

She nodded, and Ron was just quick enough to give her a quick kiss on the cheek. His blue eyes longed for more, but he pulled away from her to give her some space to leave. Fred and George threw out a laugh even though the circumstances, facing each other with smirks on their faces while casting one spell each towards Bellatrix's back. But the woman was fast, and put a shield to prevent her from any injuries.

Hermione ran upstairs towards her small guest room, panting and gasping as she had never before. She could't tell why this attack was a shock to her, because they should have predicted it, but it was. It was obvious. Voldemort must have found out, and decided to take them all at once, in one trap.

She was just about to open the door, when she heard a loud sound from downstairs. She immediately fell down to her knees to take a look down between two, tiny sprinkles of tree.

There was a whoosh of displaced air, and then she could hear how glass was breaking into pieces, probably the windows. Small pieces of glass laid on the floor. The force of the spell must have blew out the glass. There was a sound zinging through the air, followed by heavy footsteps that seemed to approach the staircase. Hermione held her breath. She could see how two shadows were walking , and opened up her door quickly, hoping to reclaim her wand before she was knocked out.

* * *

Chapter comments:

Oh my God, thank you so much for your amazing support so far. Honestly, I thought of making a quick end to this, but you really made me want to continue on with the story.

So yeah, sorry for late update. I have just had some days of break to think through the content for my next fanfiction, just so that it could be more... thought- out. You know, planned. I don't really want to make another story with pure improvising. I think you deserve better, guys. :)

So I have warned you. Hopefully you will give it a read when it comes out.

Thank you so much once again. Read, follow, favorite & review!

- Juliakri


	20. Chapter 20

**Forbidden**

**XxX**

**Chapter 20**

Hermione shut the door closed behind her as silently as it was possible to with an old, creaky door, and quickly manouvered forward to her bed. The high heels she was wearing made it difficult to be silent, and she quickly went up to her tip- toes.

The room had no light source except from a small candlelight on Harry's bedside that he'd been using to keep away the dark that made them both shiver and freeze, and her orientation was the only thing making her safely move through the room without bumping into something.

There were sounds coming from the corridor outside, steps followed by slamming of doors. Heavy, deep voices were communicating, and Hermione thought she recognized them, but the thought was interrupted when she heard a step stopping by her door.

She quickly squatted down behind her bed, and grabbed her wand instinctively from the bedside, cursing when she heard how it fell down somewhere beside her. Bad luck was with her today, apparently. The sound of it rolling seemed louder than it would be in an usual, daily situation, and she closed her eyes in hope that the visitor on the other side of the door couldn't hear her.

The young witch stretched out her hands blindly in front of her to search with only her sensing, but was interrupted by the sudden sound coming from the entrance. There was suddenly a huge amount of light coming into the room, and she could hear how the door slammed against the wall with such a force that she thought it had fallen down. She could almost hear how the person was breathing. Or was it her breathing? Whoever it was, was doing it quite loudly, and if it was her, she would be spotted eventually. If she could only get her wand and cast a charm...

Godric.

Hermione knew she didn't have any chance without her wand, and continued to search under her bed, trying her hardest to lock out panicking from the sounds of the steps approaching her with determination. Heavy, long strides, moving straightly towards her. There was an animalic sniff coming from somewhere above her now, and she gritted her teeth together to hold in the whimper she was about to release.

The bed she was hiding behind made a creaking sound, and the steps on the wooden floor stopped. She could finally feel a stick reminding a wand under her palm, and quickly grabbed it, but lost the hold when she could feel the her hair move from something which seemed like air.

Her spine froze still when she realized she wasn't longer alone. Not longer unspotted.

" Good evening."

Hermione clenched her jaw together, and rolled over to her back with her wand in hand. Her dress and high heels were creating some difficulties again, but she quickly got up on her knees with her wand pointed straightly against the Death Eater's head.

His eyes were wide, and directed on the wand against his forehead. " Beautiful lady, hold on there."

" Dolohov.", she hissed through gritted teeth, recognizing the Death Eater laying all over her bed. " Haven't your mother taught you that it is nasty to break into a closed room?"

There was another sound coming from downstairs, glass shattering into pieces. The fist holding his wand twitched, and her whole attention was directed on to his hand in awaiting. " Maybe. Its just that I never listened to my mother, unlikely you. You are probably a mummy's little princess, aren't you?"

She snorted. "How intriguing."

And then, Dolohov did something unpredictable. He threw out a laugh, and smirked in her direction, before he rolled off her bed, retreating further into the darkness of the room, and pointed the wand against her from the other side. Hermione's reaction was quick, and she fell back onto the floor to split them further. " Expelliarmus!"

" Protego!"

The spell was shot back, and didn't have any effect. For a moment the Death Eater looked defeated, but then his face was taken away by a smirk.

" Impressive. Not bad.", he chuckled viciously. " Not bad for a little Mudblood at all."

She raised her chin. " Spare yourself, Dolohov. We both know these prejudice insults are pointless."

His smirk changed into an intense, hazard glare. " Filthy, little creature.", he barked. " A crucio would be wasted on you."

Hermione found that it didn't hit her like it should. She found that it pretty much bothered her. " Well, if it is really a waste, then I suggest we split ways, and pretend this never happened. Wouldn't that be the wisest thing to do?"

" Oh no,", he shook off. " I told you a crucio would be wasted." He stood up, and raised his wand against her. His hand wasn't even shaking. " I never told anything about Avada." He took a break to just look at her, and her eyes were fixed into his. They reminded her of the endless punishment in Hell.

Monster. There was nothing human left in him. Voldemort had really managed to brainwash his little toys into nothing more than his personal zombies. Everything that was left inside him was just inhuman.

Hermione could see the small flash of poison- green light forming on the tip. The glow got more intense for every letter he formed with his lips, but she couldn't hear the words. She could, however, hear a intense buzzing noise in her ears, piping that filled her temporals into nothing more than pain.

And then, there were someone else's steps outside the room. Hermione had watched as a silhouette of someone else appeared at the doorstep, with its wand quickly shooting up in the air. She realized it had been screaming out the spell with such a force, that it might have blew out her eardrums, if they had not been occupied with the piping. " Stupefy!"

Something in the depth of the Death Eater's eyes seemed go vanish, leaving them empty, fixed and blank. The hand holding the wand fell loosely down his side, and the body thudded to the floor with a dunk against the wood. Neville was standing by the body immediately, watching him with nothing more than loath and disgust.

" Neville.", Hermione breathed, still dumbstruck from the thought of how close she was to facing the Death. "Thank you for-"

" I should have killed him. This disgusting-"

" No.", Hermione protested, while picking up her purple bag from the bed. She walked over to Neville with shivering knees, trying to quiever her nerves, and looked at the lamb body in front of her. He was getting pale from the effect of the spell, and Hermione couldn't stop herself from feeling sorry for him. Maybe it was just his faith. His evil destiny. An unstoppable, cruel faith, where he had no say at all. Maybe the Death Eaters were not all so different.

Neville looked at her with his eyes doubled. " B-but he will wake up eventually. He will join the army of these- these... monsters. " He winced out the last word. " What shall we do?"

" I have a better idea." The wisest witch of her age lifted the wand over the numb body, knowing every person deserved a second chance. A second chance to choose the faith. She had given it once already, but failed. But she was not going to fail again.

" Obliviate."

XxX

" Fuck, Hermione!"

Hermione replied Ron's tight hug, and let her face fall into the crook of his shoulder for just a moment. Just a second, a small break from the attacks. This was one of the hugs that offered comfort. She could feel the relief coming from Ron radiating, and was beginning to be touchy from this. It was just that she wasn't allowing herself to show this.

" Watch your language.", she chuckled, and couldn't do anything more than feel the tears that were welling up in her eyes. But she did not let them spill over. It was a long time since she had allowed herself the luxury of crying of either joy or sadness.

" We thought you were dead.", he whispered, before he pulled away. Hermione could see that he had scars all over his face, and was bleeding from somewhere down his forehead. She stroke away some of his thick hair to take a look. There was a huge, deep,gaping scar in her view, and she frowned when she saw how the the thin kayer of skin and flesh was ripped through. She stroke a thumb to wipe away the blood, before she returned her glance to Ron.

" You are hurt-"

He smiled. " It doesn't matter. You will have to tell me about what happened up there-"

" It doesn't matter either.", she sniffed, sensing it would be best to hold in about the senile Death Eater laying on the second floor of his home. " I'm just fine-"

" WATCH OUT!", someone yelled from the side, and Hermione was just quick enough to whip her head around to face the walls of Burrow.

The sounds coming from above them were not pleasing.

Her honey brown eyes were reflecting the view of the roof. The roof that covered the Burrow, parting into pieces of heavy bricks and concrete, as if it was a small, fragile dollhouse. She couldn't believe her eyes. Huge, brown bricks were rolling down the edge of what was left of the roof, falling down around just where the two of them were standing and frantically clutching into each other, followed by the rest of the roof slowly sliding down like a sinking ship.

She couldn't tell either it was his reaction, or hers, but they had managed to get down on the ground some meters further away from their home, and were now laying hopelessly on the ground just watching how everything around them was falling apart. Fallen strangers and familiars were covering the grounds around them, with blood covered clothes and faces that seemed to be a make up made by the Death, and the ones that were left to fight for the freedom were already exhausted and injured. Dementors had taken over a crowd somewhere in the fields to the left, and the only thing Hermione could see was the blue light of a strong patronus.

Ron was gasping into her hair, when the final part of their roof collapsed against the ground with a dunk in front of them. The force of it revibrated through the fields, and the whole thing felt like an earthquake, only worse. Ron's hands were gripping her shoulders to steady her position on the ground, and Hermione pushed them further back with her heels from the ruines, in a complete state of shock and anger. She held her wand against his chest, and clenched her hand around the jacket of his smoking.

The wizard under her was murmuring re- assuring words into her ear. " Everything is gonna be fine. I'm sure of it."

Hermione nodded, closing her eyes in hope that this disaster was just one of her nightmares. The tears, however, did not spill over yet. This was apparently not enough for her to release the tears. Her mind was also on higher ranks, and she quickly fell back into the reality of circumstances.

" Ro- Ron, we must find Harry and-and get out of here."

" But we can't leave them alone-"

" We have to.", she stated with a shivering voice, nodding towards the bag in her hand. " Here. Everything is packed up. Fred and I sensed this would happen eventually-"

Ron shook his head. " But what about mum? And dad? Ginny, Percy, Fred, George, Luna-"

" Ron." Hermione looked him right in the eye with a pleading gaze, and saw the understanding that was formed. He stood up as quick as his numb legs would allow, and helped Hermione up from the ground. She sniffed in the tears that were still wettening her eyes while they ran through all the fallen ones, all the blood, the spells, the hate, and despair that had been released in just an hour. They ran away from Death.

Ron stopped Fred with his arm, and turned him around in what seemed like an inpossible speed. " Have you seen Harry?"

There was a loud shout coming from the fields where the dementors had gathered, and Hermione released a whimper when she thought it sounded like Ginny.

" WHAT?", Fred yelled through the sounds.

" HARRY, FRED! WHERE IS HARRY?"

" HARRY IS SAFE. ", George shouted, having strolled over to them while duelling with a Death Eater. " DUMBLEDORE IS THERE, WITH HIM."

The battle seemed to stop. The stamping of feet, the flickering lights of wands, everything.

Every sound around them vanished into nothing more than some seconds silence, before all attention was corrupted by the horizon.

At first, it seemed like a thousand of bats were flying above the fields, straightly towards them like a planned attack, but all doubts and relief was gone when another, bigger figure shot in between the escaping bats with a faster speed. Voldemort's cry ricocheted through the Burrow like a sirene, and what seemed to be a black sky had now added a white spot in the middle.

" It seems like Voldemort is having the time of the month.", Fred whispered amazed, as his jaw hung open.

It all was followed by a sudden laugh, and Hermione turned around to see how Bellatrix had just apparated, and was now shooting spells up in the air like a lightening. The whole battle was resumed in just a second, and had now taken a lot of more power than it had in the beginning. People were using their last energy to clear up as much as possible before their biggest fear would take overhand, and by the periphery view Hermione could spot Harry and Dumbledore, together with a safe Ginny.

" Hermione."

The witch turned her head around, and was met by a warm pair of lips that covered hers with such a gentleness and desperation, that it made her stomach twitch. Without really thinking it through, her arms locked themselves around the kisser's neck. His lips were aching for her, offering her comfort and the feeling of being safe. His arms locked her into him by covering her cheeks, the fingertips digging just enough into the skin to not make it painful.

Hermione felt how the blood was rushing into her brain, and a memory of the last time she had ever kissed turned to her. She moved her hand up into the hair, but instantly felt that something was wrong. Incredibly wrong. It wasn't the yells and lights of fire that was circling around them, not the spells and laughs of Bellatrix from somewhere further into the fields, not the approaching catastrophe with Voldemort's atmosphere close.

No.

It was _him. __He _was wrong.

The hair was too thick, and didn't slip through her fingers like the previous time she had kissed. It didn't tickle her senses, didn't give her the lump in the stomach that was waiting to explode. Hermione's lips froze, but Ron kept on kissing her. Clumsy, small pecks that were stealing away her staggering breathing.

She realized it, then. It was just one man that she had ever needed. She realized how foolish she could be. How foolish she could be for ever thinking that she could forget him. How foolish she could be for ever letting him go, for letting him slip through her fingers. And what she would do to get him back...

She would do so much.

And then, like a breeze of December air, in just a second, everything changed. She suddenly felt the needy need to open her her eyes, and so she did. Her eyes fluttered open in slow motion, the seconds of it felt like years.

And then she saw him, from the corner of her eye. The shining, pale figure in the middle of the big crowd, where fire and spells were mixed together.

She took in the view of him. Every single inch. And it felt like a punch in the stomach.

Hermione slowly pulled away from Ron, who had a soft smile on his face and her stomach twisted painfully over again.

'' I... I'm sorry. I just thought this would be my last chance to- '' There was a distant voice speaking, the voice of Ronald Weasley. She recognized it, but it was so distant, so far away. There was something else grabbing her attention and making her ache. The only thing that seemed to make sense for the moment. The only thing that could make her shiver as she was doing now, feel so overwhelmed of relief and still betrayed.

_Him._

Everything else was irrelevant. The death, the life, the future, the past, Death Eaters, Muggles, differences, blood, catastrophes, the war, Voldemort, danger... Everything was so meaningless. Pointless. Like some sort of joke.

He wasn't looking in her direction yet. Just standing there alone in the middle of the crowd, looking from side to side for his target with his wand in his left hand. He had a scar over his jawline, she observed, and another one right over his right eyebrow. It was smaller than the one over his jawline, thought.

And from that moment, her observations flew.

His hair had grewn. It was longer than she had remembered, and the known blonde fringe was almost covering his eyes by now. His eyes, meanwhile, had became more shining, but right now they were darker. Almost like carbon. More masculine. Not of the soft sort she had seen when he had been with her.

He had also grewn a little himself. Grewn everywhere. He seemed more... adult. Older. Taller. And even more magnetizing, if that was even possible. It was a miracle what bloody two and a half months could do to a person.

His black sleeves were rolled up, and she could see the skull of the Dark Mark against his porcelain white skin, but his face took her attention again before she could feel. _Oh. _His handsome face. The skin that she had stroked, that she had been given the opourtunity to love, kiss and touch. And his lips, that she could feel whenever he had kissed her. And then there was his beautiful smile, his smirk, that she had wanted both to feel against hers and smack away.

And she had wasted it. Wasted it all because of a mark. A bloody mark, that meant nothing. _Absolutely nothing._

He had ignored hers, hadn't he? Why didn't she ignore his, then? Where was the difference?

Her heart was racing, and struggling through her ribcage. She felt how her eyes turned blurry from the pushing tears. Those bloody tears. Meaningless, annoying water. Dear Godric. She _was _going to cry now, wasn't she?

No. Absolutely not. She was not going to break together. It was all a long time ago, and as meaningless as he could be. It was just the teenage hormones, and stuff, the thing her mother had told her to be aware of. At least that was what she kept on telling herself.

And just then he looked in her direction.

* * *

**Chapter comment:**

Thank you for follows, favorites and reviews, people! It means really much to me. You are all angels!

And again, I'm so sorry for updating late. It has just been a really hectic time, like all the things you need to make before the summer is ending. All the shopping, beach- visits, friends, family... everything. I hope I didn't make you wait for too long, honestly.

I would like to thank my best friend** Maria** for helping me out with ideas and stuff. Maybe I will use a lot of them further out this fanfic and my next one. Who knows?

Perhaps, maybe you have got some ideas too that you would like me to use? Feel free to tell! :)

And then finally, I would like to thank **Draco Lover**, **Andreasivanovich**, **Angie** and **FullmoonMalfoy **personally for your reviews. You guys are so sweet!

Read and review! And thank you so much for your support.

- Juliakri


	21. Chapter 21

**Forbidden**

**XxX**

**Chapter 21**

She froze right on the spot.

She couldn't move. Couldn't even flinch, or blink.

It felt like her whole bloodstream stopped. Every, single, little drop of it. And the only thing she could hear was her own heartbeat beating into her eardrums with a sickening rhythm. Her stomach was twitching in circles, and her knees shivering as if her weight was too heavy to hold. It felt like all the air together would not be enough to fill her lungs, and she suddenly felt the need to gasp, only that she couldn't force herself to do it. Her mouth remained into a state where it was slightly tilted apart.

She was hyperventilating. And the only reason was him. Him, the tall, pale silhouette standing in the middle of the battleground, and keeping her eyes into his grey.

No. They were silver now. Not longer dark. They were fragile, full om emotions, and Merlin, still so empty and hard to read.

He was like a diary. Yes, a diary. The notebook where all young girls writes down their lifes. Good moments, where your soul is ready to jump among the clouds. Heavy, heartshattering moments, where the only thing that seemes to make sense is tears and blood. Open and accessible, and yet so hard and forbidden to understand and read. Impossible.

Godric. He had even made her forget everything about the kiss.

The only thing that she could think about was him.

Him, him, him.

She had imagined him so many times in her dreams. Imagined their encounter, imagined how everything would be, the things she would say. The conversation, the actions. She had it all planned out in details. And here they were. The encouter was there. He was there, some meters were separating them. But she couldn't do a single thing. The whole plan had fallen out from her memory, and she couldn't do anything else than to gaze at him like a stupid teenage girl falling in love for a second time.

Only that she had never stopped loving him. Never had the privilege to stop loving him.

'' Hermione?''

She could feel how he was analyzing her the way she had analyzed him some seconds ago. And it was creating goosebumps over her body. He was studying her, searching for anything that had changed past the months, that he had never seen before. The small seconds that had passed felt like years, and for a moment she considered the possibility of multiple universes. His face had already changed into something like a frown, and she could see that he had some difficulties with his breathing. Were the things she felt mutual, or was she at her own?

She was probably at her own, she decided, beginning to nibble at her lower lip to stop the tears from falling.

He hated her now. She was certain of it. Hated her for leaving him alone to suffer, for breaking all of her promises even though he never accepted them, hated her for blaiming him. Didn't he? She couldn't spot any hate in his eyes, but she knew it. He wanted her dead, or worse, tortured, and would never forgive her. This wasn't a thing that could be forgiven. Denial was so much stronger than any sort of conflict. She had crushed him apart, and such a thing was never accepted.

'' 'Mione?'', an uncertain voice repeated.

She managed to get out a whimper only from the thought of it. Her heart stung when she realized the impossible.

He was lost for her. She had _lost_ him. And again, she reminded herself that it was all because of a mark.

She had paid the highest price, only to lose the best thing she probably had the oppourtunity to have.

But their contact was suddenly interrupted. The fire that suddenly flashed in front of her eyes snapped her out of the trance. There were several shouts across the Burrow again, and all the faces were directed against the flaming Burrow. Exlopsions broke into the sky, and the whole building was on fire. It was caught in thick, orange flames, that were climbing up the building and towards the sky. A hissing sound of burning furniture and belongings were now replacing all the sounds, and Hermione saw how the windowpane was falling downwards the left side of it. The silhouette of Bellatriz was jumping with victory in front of it.

She could feel how someone had grabbed her hand, and squashing it tightly from the side, and she slowly turned her head to see how Ron's wet, blue eyes were reflecting the view of the flames. She felt how he was shattering into pieces. His aw was tightened together, his teeth clenching, and his temporals moving from anger and frustration. She wanted to help. Comfort him, help.

But she knew she couldn't. There was no way to comfort this. No way to make things easier. Only survive. Do everything to help surviving.

'' Silence!''

The loud sobs and screams stopped from the hissing sound, and then Hermione found herself facing her biggest fear. Or perhaps, it was more than just her biggest fear. It was much more. This feeling was all consuming. It was ripping her soul like a thousand of knifes were cast into her, ripping her apart, every fiber of her. She wanted it to go away, but she couldn't. All she could do was to clench her hand into Ron's like he had done to hers, and watch how everything was falling apart.

A white figure dressed in a robe black as coal was standing in front of the burning building with a grin on his face. There were others standing behind him, but most of his army were placed around among their victims.

Tonight's victims.

" Bring him forward.", Voldemort commanded.

With the periphery, she could see how a pair of Death Eater's were nearing the master with determinate steps. But they weren't the only ones nearing him. They were holding into something with tight, protecting hands. Was it another dead Death Eater? No. The person didn't wear the sort of clothing that all of them wore. No black robes. The person wore a formal costume. A grey smoking, blood- covered in the area somewhere near the chest. The person's head hung down, and all she could see was the black hair.

Black hair, grey smoking, and a pair of glasses hanging loosely down his nose.

_It couldn't be..._

'' No!'', someone screamed from behind.

And then the panick was restored. Wrapped up again.

Neville called out. Then she could hear how Luna shouted. Then Ron started turbulencing against her hand, screaming with such a force that she flinched backwards. And then she felt that this was the thing she needed, the push, and her own scream tore out of her throat. She was releasing all the emotions and frustrations that she had not been able to release for a while, and this was the bomb that had been tearing her apart, that was ticking and waiting to be released. Her jaw suddenly had the possibility to move, and all she could do was scream, command Harry to stand up, and shake as if she was being tortured.

Another sound broke out, and she could see how Ginny was running towards the body that the pair was holding, but was shot back by a spell that Voldemort cast.

'' Silence!''

George ran forward to throw a fastening hand around her waist, and she was trembling against his hand like a ragdoll, falling down to her knees and screaming out a row of vowals.

'' Silence, I said!'', Voldemort demanded viciously, as he cast another spell up into the air. He gave the young Weasley a harsh scowl. '' Stupid, little, girl. Do you honestly believe you could save your little lover?''

It took some time for Hermione to re- confirm the happenings. Restore the changes that had happened from a calm dinner, to holocaust.

Voldemort had begun to pet his wand down the lenght of it, laughing silently for himself. The grin, however, was showing pretty well, and Hermione stumbled backwards only from the sight of it.

" I will have the pleasure to inform you that the Headmaster of Hogwarts is no longer among the living.''

Dumbledore? It couldn't be...

'' What?'', Ron whispered out, apparently as confused as she was. There were shouts again, but they were all hushed by the silencing spell that had been cast. But the fear was still there. The faces, the shock. Everything was there, hanging over them like a heavy iron made of the heaviest steel, ready to fall down.

The Lord was walking in circles, laughing silently for himself. It seemed like what he was about to say humoured him, but Hermione couldn't say the same for her. She wanted to cry. _Cry. _Really cry. Cry her eyes out until she was no longer able to feel. Feel _nothing. _

'' This is a revolution, my dear friends. A huge revolution for the whole Wizarding community.'', he announced as he stopped to take a look at the crowd in front of him.

'' Revolution my arse.'', Fred murmured angrily beside Hermione, as he watched his family in the front with worried eyes.

Voldemort seemed to notice it, however, and snapped his eyes towards the Weasley twin. '' Ah, another, bloody Weasley. That is... _interesting_. You are everywhere, aren't you?''

'' Depends on what you mean by _everywhere_.'', Fred hissed back, staring so hard that the intensity of the stare could kill.

Voldemort cocked his head to the side, while staring back at the young wizard. '' Ah, so there _is _something called Gryffindor courage. My apologies, I never believed so.''

Fred took a menacing step forward, while pointing a shaking finger towards the blood covered Harry. '' You are right. There is something called Gryffindor courage, and that's what Harry is provided with.'' He paused to search for the right words, and Hermione thought she saw how Harry moved his head. '' While _you... _you_ Slytherin, _you need a whole _army _to catch him in your arms. You can't even deal with your enemies by yourself!''

Bellatrix threw out a laugh, followed by the rest of Voldemort's sympathizers.

'' Stupid blood traitor.'', he sniffed out, raising his wand.

But the wand was not directed towards Fred. No. Voldemort had turned his attention to the couple beside Fred holding hands, clunging into each other to seek comfort and defense against everything around them. Ron held Hermione's hand even tighter as he noticed it, clenching her hand together. She could almost feel how her knuckles touched, and bit her inner cheek so that she would not whimper.

Voldemort's laugh was now malicious, and Hermione could feel it re-vibrate in her toes. Ron took a couragely step forward, but Hermione held him back. Better said, she didn't hold back, but she was too paralyzed to move. She had turned her attention to something else. Isolated herself from the current happenings. Isolated herself into someone else. And now she wished she had not.

The measure of hurt in the eyes of the Death Eater was more than she could handle. Oh, it was so very obvious that she thought even Luna would have noticed if she would look in his direction.

They would have also noticed how his head sunk downwards, and how his cheekbones had gotten straightened. How the black shadows under his eyes got even darker, how his shoulders sunk in defeat, and how his fists were clenched as his sides as he stared through the witches soul.

But no one was looking in his direction.

Voldemort lowered his wand with a sigh, staring into Ron's skull with the sort of scowl that made Hermione feel like she was nothing but a meaningsless ant. '' Ladies and gentlemen, there will be no more... _Mudbloods_ among our wizarding community. From this day, everything is going to be _pure. _The other sort of you will have to leave us and never come back, or face the consequences. And believe me, the consequences are... not any comfortable.''

Something in Draco's eyes twitched with the mention of Mudbloods and ''never come back''. Hermione felt a lump in her throat from the way he was saying this, but forced herself not to react. He was saying this with such a determination and pride, that it actually made her leave the same second. But she stayed put. She was Granger, the witch that had battled the evil spirits since the age of eleven, and she was not going to give up now. At least she was going to die with a good conscience.

An eerie silence was following. Too eerie, actually. There was nothing that seemed to catch her ears but the constant laugh of Voldemort, and she knew that the following of this silence was one thing. It meant...

'' RUN!''

All the sounds that she could hear, were screams of terror.

Hermione snapped her wrist out of Ron's hand in a reflex, as she watched the whole crowd gallop away like a herd of terrified horses in all directions. A thousands of feet were stamping the ground, and the most of the wizards had disappeared within seconds. She could hear a loud, creaking sound, the sort of sound like many could describe like a dying whale, and looked up on the burning building to notice how the construction was slowly bending forward.

The circulation she had regain was slipping away from her again.

The whole thing was a chaos, and Hermione wasn't of the sort to think clear in chaos. She hated chaos. It made her lose her ability to breathe. She couldn't even force herself to run, because horror was holding her back. It felt like someone had gripped her legs from the ground, two tight hands, and refused to let go off her. She was stuggling to force herself running, but the only thing she could was to watch how the death came closer.

She had clutched her eyes closed, just accepting the fact that it was over. At least for her.

Sometimes you just realize that there is no chances. There is no ways to avoid the inevitable.

Hermione crossed her arms in front of her face when she felt how the light was too bright for her eyes, and took a last inhale. But just then she realized that someone was frantically pulling her. A cold hand, that was partially covering her wrist tightly. Her feet followed, breaking loose from the thing that held her back, and automatically sprinted in an unknown direction.

They were sprinting with such a speed that Hermione didn't know she was even capable of. This wasn't the speed she had used when they had been running the yearly Hogwarts- Hogsmeade maraton.

No.

Even her high heels didn't stop her. It all felt totally surreal, and still, it happened. Maybe miracles excisted, through all.

She could hear how there was a large boom behind her, and knew that the whole house, the plae that she could safely call her own ''home'' had fallen down on the ground. Collapsed together into nothing more than a burning bunch of mass turning into black dust.

And just then, as suddenly as they had started sprinting, they stopped, and Hermione got the first oppourtunity to take a look at her savior. Her eyelids fluttered open, and when she saw the image in front of her, she was breathless. Her teeth were rattling together from the emotions she was feeling.

'' Y- You?'', she managed to get out, making this simple pronoun sound like a curse word.

Of all the things, _all _the things, she just said ''you''?

Apparently.

She could now be branded as the biggest idiot of this century.

The blonde wizard spun on his heel and simply started walking towards the fields, away from all the chaos. '' We don't have any time now, Granger.''

She was frustrated. They had not seen each other in.. how many months? And this was what he chose to say?

This was unfair. She was shivering and turbulencing from all the emotions she was feeling right now, but the boy didn't even give a small indication to do any of the things. It was like the rescue never happened. As if nothing had ever happened, as if everything was just an imagination in her head. He didn't even seem to be _worried or concerned about anything. _Not the slightest. Not even after all the things that had happened. _In front of him._

But then she remembered. This was rational for a Malfoy. This was common. He was Draco Malfoy, the creature without logic and common sense, living on a set of his own rules, controlling his own emotions as if it was a simple video game, and was more than capable to hide them all from the rest of the world. Through all, he had done so towards her. For almost seven years.

'' Don't you dare turning your back to me, Malfoy.", she hissed, taking another step with her shivering knees. She could already feel how her heels have gotten unsteady, and struggled to keep her balance.

He stopped. " What do you suggest me to do, then?"

His back was still the only thing that he allowed her to see, and it annoyed her that he acted like this. So... composed. Not the slightest piece of a growing Malfoy rage, like she'd expected. Not the slightest piece of jealousy from Ron and her holding hands, not any of the hurt that she had seen when their eyes met each other the second he noticed. Not a shivering nerve that could tell that he still cared. Nothing. And it was really testing her.

She wanted him to fight for her. She knew very well that this was much to beg for, but she wanted him to fight like the selfish Death Eater he was. Fight, and win for every price.

" Face me.", she demanded, letting a breath in through her teeth. She knew it was foolish to clear up her own problems during this catastrophe, but maybe they wouldn't have any other chances. Maybe this was their last chance to get a closure.

" You haven't changed. Still the same, old Granger, trying to keep your control over everything. An inner leader." She could almost see how he smirked, and felt how it burned inside her throat. Damn, how she had missed him.

But she forced herself to adjust herself to their current situation. Tried to keep bitter. " Face me, damn you!"

For a moment it seemed like he would walk away, but he slowly turned around, just as she had asked him to. He didn't do anything more to annoy her or drive her insane. He knew she needed it. She knew that he knew. And for the first time, she could finally get a close look at his features.

She gasped for air to clear up her throat, trying to make it look casually. She wanted to yell at him, demand things that she had no right to know, slap him across the face and chest until she could feel how his skin was burning under her palm, but again she was lost. Her eyes examined his whole face plenty of times to pull herself together, but she couldn't force herself to talk. Instead, she took two, faltering steps and looked him right in the eyes. Her hand stretched out to touch the scar over his eyebrow, and she could feel him back under her fingertips.

" Don't."

His breathing was heavy, and she knew he was denying her so that he could still keep away from the temptation to touch her. The temptation that she was too weak to resist. Through all, she was still just a fragile, little girl who had fallen in love. The young girl that was heartbroken, and whos heart could not be healed.

" Fine.", she said, as deadpanned as she could manage, and took a step back to give him some space.

It took some seconds before he spoke again. " Right", he sighed calmly, turning away. " Let's get you somewhere safe."

" What? I- I don't need any safety."

She could feel like scowl. " Granger, let's not be stubborn. We both know that it will be best for you to keep away."

He was so... so calm about this all. She didn't like it. She didn't want him to be calm like that. It wasn't normal. Especially not for him. She wanted to recognize him in the body of the familiar man, but the pieces just didn't fit. He had become so... reasonable. Adult. And it scared her.

" Keep away?" She threw out a nervous laugh despise herself. " Are you serious? You are asking me to keep away when my best friend is hanging half alive in the hands of my enemy, and my other friends are in trouble-"

" They are purebloods and halfbloods.", he growled, grabbing her by her forearm again. He wretched it behind her back, and pulled her close enough for her to feel his hot breath somewhere in her neck. She threw out a whimper of surrender. She realized that he still had the ability to make her shiver when he was annoyed and too close. " This is not some kind of joke, Granger. Our dear Lord have decided to take what he wants to take, and nothing less than that. And to him, you Mudbloods, are like blood to vampires. Sweet and good tasting, helpless in his eyes. Do you understand?"

" No.", she winced out, trying to free herself from the tight grip, but it was useless as always. She whimpered again. " If this is your way to show that you care, than I will inform you that you are doing a terrible job."

He raised an eyebrow. " Who told you that I _cared_ about you?"

His answer confused her brain, but her mouth, however, seemed to know what it was doing. " Well, if I'm right, than I may tell you that you were the one pulling me away when the whole construction-"

He snorted. " That's a ridiculous argument! Do you honestly believe that I would let _anyone_ stand there? What I did doesn't give you _any_ right to think that I _care _about-"

She instantly nodded. " You would not save Ron, or Luna. Or Neville-"

" Who said that I wouldn't save them?", he asked in a hissing voice, eyes narrowed.

" You would never save someone who means _nothing_ to you.", she retorted, raising her chin in defense,

His voice got louder. " Shut yourself, Granger. Don't jump into conclusions-"

" Than stop defending yourself from doing _something_ right!", she screamed back, tears pulling out from her eyes. This was pointless. Godric. She was perplexed by the screaming match that their heated emotions had turned into, and still she kept on. She wanted answers, and answers were the thing he was going to give her." Why are you suddenly pretending to not care about me? I- I don't understand your probl-''

He tightened the grip around her arm, and made her wince out again. '' I don't have _any _problems.''

'' _Oh. _You like to bring pain, don't you? Sick minded fool. You just _love _it.'', she spat at him, biting her inner cheek to stop herself from wincing again.

'' This is_ nothing_ in opposite to what I have been through.'', the Death Eater growled. She could feel how he was wrenching her arm further back, wrenching every single muscle and nerve that her arm was built up with. But just when she thought the hitches and pain would be too much, he let go. '' But I refuse providing you with the same.''

She pulled her arm to her like a rocket, and took an objurgatory step back. It came to her mind then, that time had really hardened him, and that whatever they had that one time was long gone for him, even thought he never gave any serious indication where he wanted to hurt her.

But she had hurt him. Broke all the promises, sent him away with _nothing _to hold, and now she wanted to ask him for forgiveness? What was she even thinking about?

'' I'm sorry.'', she whispered, letting her eyes roll loosely down to the ground.

" Yeah,", he replied silently, and she could feel how he was watching her. He knew what she was sorry for. " You probably are."

She gave him a quick nod while she tried to avoid his eyes, burrowing them into the grass under her, but they somehow burned into hers, and all she could do was to stare. Again.

He nodded severely, totally emotionless, but she swore that she could see how he glanced down to her lips. Or no. It was just her imagination. Right?

But before she could give it another thought, she was pulled with him into the big, tall fields that surrounded the Burrow, in search for safety in the time of apocalypse.

* * *

**Chapter comments:**

Hello my dear Dramione- shippers!

I'm sorry for the late update this time. It's just... I couldn't find a way to finish or start this chapter. You know? I kind of had this writing- crisis where the words just can't fill the story, and makes no sense at all. Godric, it is annoying!

But I somehow managed, even thought I wasn't _entirely _happy with the result. I hope you won't kill me. :S

Well, well.

I'm glad to see that you guys are giving this a chance! Really, it makes me feel like my ''efforts'' means something. At least to some of you! :)

Oh, and thanks for the wonderful reviews, again. I really love to read them, because aw... you are so sweet!

Hmm... Read & review, and enjoy the last four chapters, with an author's note at the end.

Thank you soo much for all your support so far! Really, I just love you.

- Juliakri


	22. Chapter 22

**Forbidden**

**XxX**

**Chapter 22**

'' Where exactly is it that you are taking me?''

He stopped just before they walked into another pond, holding her back with his hand. '' To the others. They are hiding into a camp made for refugees by Hogwarts students. I know this because Blaise and Pansy is there. I warned as many as I could about this attack, but never reached the ones that met up here.'' He frowned down at her. '' And please, don't disagree. You are not safe in the presence of these barbarians, and believe me when I tell you so.''

They had been walking like this for hours, it felt like, but in the reality they had just walked into hiding. Seconds spent between wheats felt like years, and when they all could have been sitting and eating their dinner on silverblades with laughter they were now running from each other, all of them in different directions.

And of course through all that had happened, Hermione had to point out that faith was a really funny thing sometimes, because she was almost certain that it had been faith bringing her back together with Draco Malfoy. Of course it was totally out of time and place, because she had always imagined their next encouter somewhere alone in a romantic atmosphere, but the life was not a dance on roses she had realized. Sometimes the life chose to cross a different swing that you thought of, and slap, you were somewhere in a completely unexpected situation.

The secret was to make the best out of it.

'' As if I was safe the seven years at Hogwarts. I have been battling the evil forces since the age of eleven! How could I ever be safe?'', the pink- dressed witch snorted, offended by the way he looked at her. There it was again. That intent look. He made her feel like a baby that couldn't even manage to protect herself, which she just hated.

He blinked once. '' You were safe, when Dumbledore was near. But not anymore.'', he said severely, nodding slowly to get some closure back. '' Granger, non of the pupils from Hogwarts are safe anymore. Nor Hogwarts itself. For fuck's sake, not even me! Dumbledore is dead, and-''

She breathed in a staggered breath. '' So... It is- it is true? Dumbledore is de-''

He released her wrist to massage his temporal with his thumbs while sighing, taking a cautinary look around. '' Not yet. But they've got him. And I don't really believe that they will keep him alive for much longer. There are no advantages to take, and Voldemort simply won't do anything without an advantage. I thought you knew that.''

It took some seconds for her to go through this new information. New information, again. Her thoughts went all the way from how to when, and to how the hell this all happened. How could Dumbledore possibly come in the hands of his enemies when the population needed him most?

She was really tired and not less confused that she had been some minutes ago, and this new things only made her brain hurt. Hurt a lot.

'' But Voldemort won't kill him.'', she rebelled as her eyes grew wider.

Draco sniffed, slowly starting to walk again. '' Of course not. He has got a whole army of wizards to do that. That's where we come in, you know.'' He took another look at her over his shoulder. '' The blood will always be on our hands, never his own.''

Hermione tip- toed around a small pond, trying her hardest to keep along with his big steps.

'' With the exception of our dear Potter, of course.'', he continued, lifting her up by her hips to help her over another swale. '' He wants the honor all by himself.''

'' Killing people is definitely not a honor.'', she protested.

He frowned down upon her. '' You tell him that, and he _will _kill you.''

She suddenly stopped, wanting to take a quick look at him through her heavy lashes. No really, if the man was a disaster than there were no doubts that he was a beautiful one. He was completely stunning, just the way that she had remembered him, and perhaps, maybe that is why that she had fallen so easily. It never took Malfoy a lot of time to get himself another girl, but she could understand why.

There were no replacements for him.

And while she thought this, she could see how he had leant a little downwards. She would probably not have even noticed it, if it wasn't for her fierce studying of his movements and everything that he could bid her now. Merlin strike her down if she had misread him and he didn't want it, but she couldn't wait anymore. They were so close, and so far away at the same time, and the distance between them was making her crazy.

She closed her eyes as she breathed in the summer air, forgetting all about the circumstances of the war, where and who they were, and raised onto her tiptoes just to touch him, if it was just for a second. She really needed this one second, just this instant. And she was going to take what she desired to.

She closed her eyes as her nose bumped into his chin, and she could feel how he smiled against her forehead. Hermione breathed out as her upper lip crashed againsthis, and he bent his head down to make it easier for her.

And then, like the sound of a bomb, something exploded. The moment was broken just like everything else, and they were back in the reality. The sound was re-vibrating in the ground, and Hermione flinched away from him to increase the distance.

He snapped his head up towards something further down the fields. His reflexes were much quicker than she had remembered, and before she could even take a breath he had already pulled out his wand with a rapid speed. He eyed the light for a while in a position ready for battle.

Whatever it was, it was still far away, and Hermione knew there were no chances for danger here. Perhaps, maybe this was where they should stay. In the tall fields, where it was almost impossible to find them.

But she knew they had to remain attentive anyway.

'' We should keep going.'', he decided, and just then Hermione realized that it was all broken.

They walked in silence for a time, before Hermione felt the need to talk again. And then she brought up a question that she had wanted to ask about for a long time.

'' Have you ever killed anyone?''

She knew that was a risky question that could make everything go off track, but she risked it anyway.

'' Yes.''

Hermione felt her knees shudder, shaking her head with horror and mild disbelief. She should have expected that of course, he was a Death Eater, but she just couldn't help herself. '' I don't understand, is there some sort of good feeling in killing anyone that I just don't understand-''

'' I didn't really have a choice.'', he answered sternly, but she could hear regret in his voice anyway.

She pressed her lips into a thin line, pondering on how to ask the next question. She decided she would ask it right out. '' How many times?''

'' Five.'', he rasped out. '' Or perhaps six. I'm not certain. Never bothered by counting.''

'' Six?'', she managed to press out despite her shock. '' Six people?''

He snorted. '' People, obviously. Not flowers.''

The answer was followed by a light silence, but this silence was the thing Hermione needed to clean up in her mind. She couldn't understand where the surprise came from. She had seen dead people herself, and it wasn't any news to anyone anymore that people died and lived. But maybe it was just her good nature, the belief that the good resides in every person.

She bit on the tip of her tongue. '' How does it feel?'' She realized that was a stupid question, and decided to glue something to it. '' I mean, to kill. I... It's a stupid question, isn't it?''

He shrugged his shoulders. '' I expected something like that.''

'' Right.'', she nodded.

'' The first time is hard.'', he admitted after a small break, licking his lips. '' You stand there in a hollow, lost, with a life in your hand which you can choose to throw or keep, and when you have no choices, than there is no other way than to throw it. But time by time it gets easier. I don't know how, but it does. And after three times of doing the same thing over again...'' He took a quick gaze on her to ensure that she was there, and she was, holding his hand with understanding in her eyes. He took a look on their pair of hands holding each other, but kept his eyes forward the next second. '' After three times, I felt nothing. Just... empty.''

'' Empty?''

'' Yes. Empty.''

Hermione nodded, taking the courage to stroke him over his knuckles, but he released her hand with such a speed that it would seem like he was branded. Hermione gasped and looked aside with guilt, wondering if she really _had _misread him.

She kept her thought back, however, and followed him around the pond. He took her by her hand again, this time more gently and touching. The moonlight had somehow gotten darker, more and it was almost impossible to watch your steps, but his hand around hers helped her through it, and for a instant she forgot everything about what they were going through, just taking the chance to feel the skin that she had been longing for against hers again.

They were walking like this for a long time, brushing their way through the fields in silence.

'' I'm scared, you know. This attack was so unexpected, and I was unprepared, and I... we thought we would have some times. We really did. And now... I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I... I'm scared.'', she admitted, biting her inner cheek to stop her hand from shivering. Merlin, she was really embarassing herself.

He just continued walking, but she could feel how he gave her a small clutch. Just a small one, of the understanding sort. She assumed it was his way of comforting, because Draco Malfoy had never been good with encouraging words. He tried to use as less words as possible. He used words only in special occasions, when he needed to prove something to either himself, or someone. Or when he was harrasing around. And of course when there was no way to avoid using them.

But she believed these things were just a part of his nature. He just couldn't do it in any other way, because it was so deep inborn that it couldn't be changed. And she didn't blame him for that, knowing what difficulties he had gone through in his life.

He made his way through another, thick row of wheet with a steady curse forward. There seemed to be a voice from behind, or maybe it was just her sick imagination, but Hermione couldn't help herself when she took a look behind them to ensure that nobody was following. She soon realized that it was a horrendous idea. Before she could even figure out what had happened, she fell to the ground, feeling how an immense pain was growing somewhere in her left ankle. It felt like someone had grabbed it and twisted it all the way around, and Hermione quickly sat up to study her leg as she panicked, hoping that there were no bones sticking out from it.

'' For Merlin's sake, Granger!'', Draco hissed, falling down on his knees beside her. '' You scared the shit out of me. I am a Death Eater, which means that things could have been _horrible, _because my reflexes are taught up to react quickly-''

'' I think I twisted my ankle.'', she yammered, trying to reach the straps of her shoe.

Draco looked down at her shoes before he gave her a robust gaze. '' You can't be serious. You have been walking and running all the way with these shoes without taking them off? For Merlin's sake, did you _honestly _believe that you would come out of here alive wearing those horrible-''

Hermione hit him on the chest, giving him an offended look. '' I spent a _fortune_ on those shoes trying to impress people, and you are here telling me that they are _horrible_! You know, I believe- ''

He took her by her shoulder as he closed her mouth with the other hand, and Hermione believed he tried to hide a smirk. '' Stay quiet. Let's not get revealed because a pair of bloody shoes-''

She hit him again despise the pain, snapping her brows together. He released her slowly, and Hermione brushed him off in a huff, struggling with the strap of her shoe. Her fingers shivered from the pain as she curled them around the small strap, trying her hardest to wrench it off. But the efforts were useless as she only got more desperate, and the fussy movements didn't help her at all.

Draco took her gently by her foot. '' Here, let me help you.''

She sighed. '' Yes, get off those _bloody, horrible_ shoes.''

He ignored her brute comment as he reached down and pulled up her foot so it was resting in his lap, taking well care of the injure. She watched him silently and with a nebulous stare as he slowly undid the straps and removed her shoe, trying not to whimper from the lightening shooting up her spine. He gently released it as he placed it slowly back to the ground, taking her second foot in the same way.

He held her eyes this time, staring at her with an unreadable expression. She simply stared back, her lips a little parted and her brown eyes searching his for any indication on anything, anything at all, but as always he was impossible. He pulled off the shoe, but held her foot, stroking his left hand up the back on her calf. He kept on looking at her, and she refused to let go of his eyes. Refused to do anything but follow his lead.

'' I can't keep denying you.'', he whispered as his hand reached her dress.

'' Then don't.''

His eyes ghosted over her lips, and she was belightened by the fact that she had not misread him. He released a small sigh into the air before he took his right hand around her waist and pressed her down against the ground. The wheet above them shivered as Hermione leaned into some of them. Her head met the hard ground with his face bent over her, and she felt how some of his hot breath was touching her skin. But it was too far from enough for her, and she closed her eyes to await the feeling of him over her lips. The feeling that she had wanted for so long... Oh Godric, the war could wait, but this really couldn't.

And then, when victory and warmness shot up her bloodstream, when she had parted her lips, he retreated and shot up into a standing position quicker than she could whimper from the mental and physical pain he was causing her. She gasped out and sat up shaking her head with disbelief. He looked at her with two, indistinct eyes.

'' I...'', he panicked. '' I- I don't really think thats a good idea.''

She held her breath. '' Not me either. You really _are _a bad idea. I guess I was right when I let go off you, Draco.''

She knew she was passing lines when mentioning this, but she really was at her wit's end. Maybe hard words would help him opening up.

Maybe...

'' Ah,'' he sniffed, turning harsh. '' You still remember my name after holding hands with Weasley?''

'' That makes no correlation.'', she retorted, feeling how she was getting bitterly satisfied by the irritation in his voice. She couldn't see his face because her eyes were closed, but she somehow knew that they were closed. '' How could Ron possibly affect my memory?''

'' Just sod it, Granger.'', he growled, and she saw him turning his back to her and beginning to walk his way around the pond.

This was probably punishing him, at least it seemed to, and Hermione couldn't decide weither it was a sin or not to feel satisfied by this reaction. Never had she wanted to kiss someone so badly, and never had she needed to use so much effort to keep back. She had never been so sexually and sensually dissatisfied in her whole life, and that told her a lot.

'' So that's what you are going to do? That is your plan?'', she spat after him in a high voice, making him stop. '' You will keep on destroying everything that we had since the day when you kissed me?''

'' I think that will be the best, yes.'', he breathed, and she saw how he was clenching fists. '' I promised myself to enable myself to get back to you. But faith seem to be a cruel thing, and I had no choices when I saw you in danger. I am here to help you get away from here, but I don't want to go any further than that-''

'' Have you ever thought about me?'', she cried out, but there were no tears. '' Have you ever thought about what_ I_ want, Draco?''

'' Your wishes is my priority, believe me.'', he snapped back. '' That's why I keep away.''

Hermione did what she could to clear her throat for tears. They were blocking her ability to speek, and she wondered if throwing a high heel on him would be more effective, but she doubted it.

He really didn't understand. Or maybe he pretended.

She hoped it was the second choice.

'' I want _you,_ Draco.'', she whispered, '' And I don't know if I can manage the pain that you are pulling me through anymore.''

* * *

**Chapter comments:**

Yes, I know I'm cruel, but hold on! I just felt it had to be this way for this chapter, even thought I'm not entirely sure.

Anyway, thank you for your sweet reviews and follows. And favorites, of course! I'm soo happy by the numbers. Apologies for making you wait for such a long time, it has just been a hectic time with ''back in school'', and my best friends birthday. In addition to this chapter I have been writing on another fiction for you as well, so I hope you will forgive me.

And yeah, while talking of this new fiction, maybe some of you would like to check it out: my new fanfiction ''**Apocalypse**''. The first chapter is out, and I hope that maybe some of you will enjoy reading it.

Well, than I've said enough. Read and review!

Hugs and kisses,

- Juliakri


End file.
